Pinning child's ears

Ima2NYM_LTR

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 6:50 pm

I posted photos of my kids on FB today. It will be DS's 6th birthday and DD's 1st birthday.

Someone asked me bluntly "Are you going to have your son's ears pinned back ?"

Is it just me, or does that seem rude? She was asking me if I would put my young child under general anesthesia for a 2-3 surgery to repair a cosmetic issue. That just seems wrong.

Once or twice a kid in school has said he has 'monkey ears' but he wasnt hurt, and we just told him to respond proudly "I have my grandfathers ears". He isnt effected negatively by them, and for someone to just pop up and say this out of the blue is disconcerting. I mean, she doesnt even know me- people who do know me dont even ask that.

That leads to another question-should we do cosmetic surgery unless necessary. I mean, If someone has a mole, or something effecting quality of life or is disfiguring, etc then yes. But HaShem made us the way we are, should we be messing with his artwork just to make us feel better? I mean we arent talking about pierced ears here- this is actual permanent surgery

Edited by Zus

Rodent

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 7:15 pm

Wow, someone just out and said that? Yikes!

As for the issue, if it was affecting the child negatively I would consider it. Your son doesn't seem bothered and if my kid were the same I wouldn't do it either. But if that kid's self-esteem was dramatically crumbling in response to vicious bullying and I felt that doing it would help them then I would ask the child if they wanted to have it done, even knowing that it would hurt. If they truly wanted it then I would try and arrange it for them.

Still shocked that someone commented on it like that though.

stem

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 7:43 pm

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

.... I mean, she doesnt even know me- people who do know me dont even ask that.

That leads to another question-should we do cosmetic surgery unless necessary. I mean, If someone has a mole, or something effecting quality of life or is disfiguring, etc then yes. But HaShem made us the way we are, should we be messing with his artwork just to make us feel better? I mean we arent talking about pierced ears here- this is actual permanent surgery

My question is, why are you posting pictures of your kids in a place where people who don't know you can see them and feel free to comment about them? If you'd like your kids' private bodies respected, please don't post their pictures in public.

Ima2NYM_LTR

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 7:45 pm

well when I friended this person, I felt that I could trust her to be polite. Not everyone in the world can see the photos. As to why I do it, it is so my relatives all over the world can have instant access

chocolate moose

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 7:51 pm

Why don't you go back and read her question in a non-confrontational manner and friendly tone of voice? Not everything is as it seems.

The written word is SO different that the spoken one !

amother

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 8:04 pm

IT's more about context than tone. To gently say "would you think of pinning your son's ears?" during a conversation about how her son is being made fun of in school because of his ears might be appropriate; to say it in the context of "hey friends- look at my cute kids!" is most definitely inappropriate and offensive.

Ima2NYM_LTR

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 8:51 pm

you are assuming that there is something wrong with my sons self-image. He is very happy about the way he looks and proud of his ears which are a connection to his grandfather, who he adores.

Merrymom

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 9:09 pm

Ima, it's probably because she's not a close friend of yours that she had the nerve to ask such a question, a close friend would never do such a thing.

You should only have his ears fixed if you find that people are constantly commenting on them. If it doesn't bother you or your son then leave it alone, as long as you're both happy why go to the trouble? Otoh, if it's something that is really distracting and one day will become truly ugly then you might want to do something about it, just as a mother will take her hairy daughter for electrolysis or something like that.

Ima2NYM_LTR

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 9:14 pm

this person was the 3rd person ever to comment negatively about his ears. The first 2 were his pre-school friends who told him during kiddush at shul that he looked like a monkey- and that was in a friendly and not a mean way.

So no, its not an issue.

Even if it is, why would I tell a total stranger on FB about my sons possible future medical procedures? in what way is it her business?

MommyZ

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 9:15 pm

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

It's not.

Barbara

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 9:18 pm

stem wrote:

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

Presumably, the OP friended this person because, well, she thought the person was a FRIEND. The comment was not made by an anonymous web surfer.

In any case, while I try not to post anything particularly private, unless you put your kid in a burqa or in one of the get-ups that Michael Jackson used to dress his kids in, complete strangers see your kids every day, and may well feel free to comment upon them.

amother

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 9:21 pm

I don't know if I should post this here or start a new thread, but you're post reminded me of something going on with my child.

he's only six months old.

a number of people have commented that he has a big head and a pointy chin.

with the big head, some follow up with the fact that means he has big brains or well developed brains.

with the pointy chin, some follow up with saying that it's cute.

but I do feel bad that people say he has a big head and a pointy chin, and I wonder if it looks strange to others.

I want him to look good and be well liked and treated well by others, adults and peers, throughout his life.

since I'm his mother, it's hard to know what he looks like to strangers. so I don't know whether he appears cute or not.

anyone have any comments on this? should I start a thread about it or can I keep it here?

Ima2NYM_LTR

Thu, Jun 10 2010, 9:36 pm

thank you. B"H they are both wonderful kids- ears and all

To be honest, it isnt my sons big ears that trouble me, sometimes it's his big mouth! shock

Last edited by Ima2NYM_LTR on Thu, Jun 10 2010, 9:36 pm; edited 1 time in total