Should have seen it coming (dd wants to fast)

Ruchel

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 8:23 am

WHAT do I do? I don't want to demotivate her or punish a good intent, but... shock

She came home from school with a small notebook the morot did for the kids, "the forbidden things of YK", showing in images and Hebrew letters no eating, no drinking, no putting hands under the water faucet, no leather shoes.

Tablepoetry

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 8:26 am

Tell her very clearly those are rules for ADULTS and that kids are not allowed to fast.
Anyway, I bet she'll break down if you prepare some yummy snacks for the morning. I always set aside yummy stuff for yom kippur, things the kids can eat by themselves, like sugary cereal. That way I know they're not hungry and I'm not wasting energy on serving.

shalhevet

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 8:33 am

Just say NO - it is completely assur under the age of 9.

Tell her those are mitzvos for grown-ups - her mitzvas are to daven (if she knows a little), to wear non-leather shoes, and to play nicely so that her Mummy can daven Smile

Ruchel

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 8:44 am

lol Tamiri! I can bet her school will never tell about Rashi's dds, and if they do, they'll say "when you master all mitzvos for women" (which is pretty much my belief too).

Shalhevet, really assur or "not needed"? My dh has heard some start to fast A BIT at 6. Anyway, she's too young in all cases.
I asked her and she said the mora said no one can eat. She probably didn't want to mean children but "all adults", but still... not a clear message for kids.

As for davening they do birkat hashachar in full, a part of psukei dezimra & shema, and she knows it quasi by heart (I see her davening when she doesn't have school). BH.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 8:52 am

I learned that it was assur.
(And I'm sure she knows davening by heart -- she knows how to read yet?)

flowerpower

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 8:59 am

Tell her that until you are twelve years you fast the first night only. By the next morning when she spots her favorite junk she will change her mind very very fast.

Ruchel

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 9:16 am

LOL shalhevet!

HY, she can read letters and some vowels but seems not yet able to understand a letter = a sound...

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 9:20 am

Ruchel wrote:

HY, she can read letters and some vowels but seems not yet able to understand a letter = a sound...

That's what I figured Smile

I have a son the same age who knows alef bais, some nekudos, and able to pick out easy words, but isn't ready to read yet....so his davening is by heart (despite the fact that he has a kids' siddur).

Can you tell her it's a MITZVAH for her to eat?

campmommy

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 9:23 am

I've told my kids that they can fast till the time of their age. So if she's 6, she can fast till 6:00 AM! That might work!

Tamiri

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 9:27 am

Not that my kids are such tzaddikim like Mati - they've never begged to fast before they had to. We tell them when they are young that it's a mitzva to eat because they have to grow in order to be able to do the mitzvot, all in good time. We allow them to think about fasting at around age 8, when they can fast at night. Usually, they forget and drink. By the time they are 10 or so, they can go for a while without eating, because they do that anyway. Little by little, they learn that it's not so scary to fast.
The only "fast" for little kids is no junk food.

busydev

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 9:33 am

tell her she can fast yom kipper night but its not safe for kids to fast during the day.

thats what my parents always told us- we could fast till it was time to break fast (breakfast LOL

)

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 9:50 am

Tamiri wrote:

The only "fast" for little kids is no junk food.

On Tisha B'av maybe. Not on Yom Kippur which is a Yom Tov...if anything, I'm more laid back on YK than the rest of the year...my kids can eat Shabbos cereal all day (honey nut cheerios) if it keeps us all happy.

TzenaRena

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 10:11 am

Ruchel, what a cutie! Very Happy

nothing to add, pretty good advice from other posters.

My youngest started fasting all Yom Kippur at age 9 or 10, we couldn't stop him Rolling Eyes

B"H he did okay. None of the other kids did that, but they all fasted the YK before Bar/ Bas Mitzvah..

Hashemlovesme

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 10:45 am

why not explain to her that fasting the whole day is for ppl over bas mitsva......but she can fast till a certain time ,or till she gets hungry. that way she'll feel like she's taking part in this big mitsva!

Tamiri

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 10:57 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

Tamiri wrote:

The only "fast" for little kids is no junk food.

Of course. I meant the shul eating fest. I don't allow that for my kids. If they are hungry, we go home and they eat. When I was a little girl, my mother had a YT meal for us kids, complete with a blech for heating up the food. I don't go that far - they eat plain during the day. That's what most of my contemporaries did for their kids and I followed suit.

Hashem_Yaazor

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 11:05 am

I'm with you Tamiri. No eating in shul.
Growing up, I did eat in shul -- in the kitchen/back room, but it was a small shul and my father was the rav/chazzan so we could get away with it...but never in the shul proper!

freidasima

Thu, Sep 16 2010, 11:28 am

Ruchel, I'm the dissenter here. Mati rules the roost anyhow from what you describe so why don't you let her do what she wants otherwise she will drive you crazy about it from things you have said about her in the past. At some point she will get really hungry and thirsty in the morning (or in the middle of the night) at which point she will eat. Just explain in advance that children don't have to fast until a certain age and she is allowed to eat when she gets hungry.