HELP! My 13 year old son is STILL bedwetting!!!!

amother

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:12 am

He has been dry for a while now, but I have been finding every morning a mysterious wet pamper behind the toilet. After interrogating every family individually, and getting only "no, it's not me", I realized my big son's briefs and pj's are wet once a week, about.

How do I approach? How do I help him? Poor boy, this must be such a strain on him.

amother

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:13 am

amother wrote:

Left out the part, that after I questioned them, the pampers disappeared and the bed wetting reappeared. (He mastered night training at about 7 yrs)

merelyme

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:28 am

I would do some research wherever you live and find a good doctor who's experienced in this. First rule out a physical issue, like infection. If not, seek further assistance.
Reassure your son that this is unpleasant but not as uncommon as he thinks.

wikipedia:
Secondary enuresis occurs after a patient goes through an extended period of dryness at night (roughly six months or more) and then reverts to nighttime wetting. Secondary enuresis can be caused by emotional stress or a medical condition, such as a bladder infection.

Hatzlacha and nachas!

Yocheved84

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:28 am

- Have you spoken to his pediatrician?
- Could he have a urinary tract infection?
- Could this be emotional? A lot of bedwetters are upset about something (big issue or small issue--it's just a way children respond to things).
- If he'll be awkward speaking to you, have the doctor speak to him. Also, make a rule in your house--no drinking after 9 PM.
And I know you're a great mom and would never do this, but make sure not to say things that would make him feel ashamed. (I remember a mean comment made by my father. Turns out I had a urinary tract problem. Didn't help the embarrassment.)

Last edited by Yocheved84 on Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:31 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:30 am

amother wrote:

We recently put our 11 year old on desmopressin and is seems to be helping.
http://www.patient.co.uk/healt.....s.htm

I checked out the link.

Is this a temp patch, and the bedwetting will reappear when the med is stopped?

Besides, how do I approach him? He is so sensitive as is, this could be very hard for him too face me with.

amother

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:31 am

I don't really have any advice for you, but from your son's point of view, I bedwetted until I was about 16 years old! I started worrying already what I'll do after the chasuna, you cannot imagine the stress I went through.

Believe me, I tried everything. Vitamins, segulas, machines that would wake me, medication, whatever you could think of. I just kept on davening really hard for it every day, and gradually it disappeared. It took very very very long, but there was nothing that would help me.

My mother was very supportive. She did not ask me about it, did not push me to try more things, and never commented on smells or stains. She just left me be, and helped me when I needed it. I still marvel at the way she acted.

All I could do is Hug

, I really wish for it to pass soon.

Yocheved84

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:33 am

To the OP above--can you take him for a physical, and have the doctor talk to him? Please have him evaluated medically and emotionally (basically, a third-party doctor asking him how school is, about his food and drink intake, etc. This'll cover either possibility).

Also, do you allow him a cup of water in his room? (My DH isn't a bedwetter, but his habit of having a water cup next to the bed and waking up four times a night--and waking up the wife--is annoying.)

amother

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:35 am

Yocheved84 wrote:

OP here. I had my share of comments growing up. Cervical Mucus, anyone? My mom, from a generation where "ovulation is considered trendy, a thing only done in today's modern days", (read my thread on trendy ovulation) assumed my lightly colored panty crotch was me wetting out of laziness! And she kept on accusing me! Hello mom, did you ever notice there were those on your underwear too? I am very sensitive to this subject, making it even harder for me to handle it.

Oh, and I was WARNED if she ever finds a stained panty again...Ask her if she wanted grandchildren. They come as a result of cervical mucus. lol

amother

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:40 am

amother wrote:

, I really wish for it to pass soon.

How did she handle you though? If she let you be you, did she just turn her head the other way, pretending not to realize but washed the linens and pj's? Bec for now, that's w hat I do. Or did she make you aware that she knows about it? I'm having a hard time with starting a discussion with him.

He does have an apt for a physical in the near future, but knowing my son, having a dr talk to him about his "weaknesses" or "failures" can be very risky for him. He has a hard time with self esteem as is, and this could be a hard blow, that "someone outside" knows he has a problem.

This needs to be tackled very delicately, and dh and I are very concerned.

Yocheved84

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:47 am

I'm sorry I keep on responding to everything in your thread, OP--I apologize. It's just that I remember having a health condition involving bed-wetting that was embarrassing.

Can the doctor approach it from a medical perspective--not from a weakness or failure perspective? For starters, have the doctor tell him "I wanted to let you know that there are many reasons why some of us have a loose bladder at night. Don't feel ashamed. Don't feel embarrassed. It's a great thing that you can sleep without being woken up for interruptions--this will come in handy in Yeshiva or college! But sometimes, we have to train our bodies. My suggestion is for you to stop having any liquids after 8 PM." IF that simple intervention doesn't work, then your doctor should run a few tests and then ask about emotional issues.

One step at a time. And make it clear to your doctor (if you all have a good relationship with him) how you want to approach the topic.

amother

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 9:58 am

Yes, she just pretended not to see and washed everything.

I also had a hard time with self esteem, but I never doubted that my mother knew. Do you think that if you keep on changing the linen every day your son won't chap that you know? Will he think that it happened by itself?

I did discuss it with my mother sometimes, though we definitely did not have a great relationship and I did not usually discuss my issues with her. But when I read about something that might help or I had a question or problem that I needed her help with, she would always open her heart and respond just the way I wanted her to. She would only ask questions pertaining to what I asked, and showed me that she still loved and respected me. It was sort of something we both knew about and dealt with every day, but we had a silent agreement not to talk about it.

Do you think your son might have a problem if you mention something like 'The pillow case is still in the dryer, you could put it on before you go to sleep' or something like that?

There is no quick solution, whatever will help you will probably take a while before it does, and for the meanwhile the simplest solution is actually to wear a pamper. Most kids have a huge problem with that, but if he doesn't, you might want to buy the adult diapers, then he will for sure know that you know.

What I needed was simply to know that my mother was there for me, and she did not think differently of me because of my issue.

clp

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 10:04 am

This Enuresis specialist has come to USA a few months ago and met with many patients and is now coming shortly again. I have no personal experience with him, although I have heard of others with older boys who did have success stories with Dr. Sagie.
Hatzlacha!
Dr. Jacob Sagie, Ph.D
Enuresis specialist
Director of Enuresis clinics
Laniado Hospital & Children's medical centers
Telfax: +972-4-8724477
Mobile: +972-52-2612736
www.curenuresis.com - On the website you will find an 800 contact #
www.hartava.com

amother

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 10:06 am

One more thing, I did not feel comfortable when the doctor started giving me common sense suggestions such as not drinking, going to the bathroom often, doing it a certain way, etc. I hated going to those doctors. But, when the doctor suggested medication, explained what exactly is physically happening in a very comforting way, and comforted me that he has this every day I did feel better.

Please keep in mind that my point of view is from a different gender, so he might feel very different about it.

amother

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 10:15 am

Yocheved84 wrote:

I'm sorry I keep on responding to everything in your thread, OP--I apologize. It's just that I remember having a health condition involving bed-wetting that was embarrassing.

.

Keep on posting. I really want to hear for BTDT'ers, not from the typical don't drink blah blah stuff. It gives me his perspective that I'm really looking for right now.

dhm

Tue, Oct 19 2010, 10:37 am

I WENT TO DR. SAGIE LAST TIME HE WAS IN BROOKLYN WITH MY DAUGHTER. WORKED LIKE A CHARM BH BH BH. MEDS ARE USUALY JUST A TEMPORARY FIX. I SUGGEST GIVING HIM A PHYSICAL TO RULE OUT ANYTHING MEDICAL AND THEN TRYING HIM. HE TREATS CHILDREN AND ADULTS. NO MEDS. PERMANENT FIX.