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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
aidelmaidel
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 Tue, Nov 09 2010, 10:47 am
I have carefully budgeted our income. We are slowly saving for a house. We have a small emergency fund. After we've put all our money where it needs to go (bills, savings, etc), we live paycheck to paycheck in terms of "extra" funds.
In the last year and half to two years we have been paying ridiculous amounts of money to our sofer.
It started with tefillin for my new stepson for his bar mitzvah - we had been married just a few months before and hadn't quite organized our expenses yet. BH the sofer is very kind and let us make payment for several months on it. (mind you he never puts them on unless he's visiting us)
The mezuzahs have to be checked every year in elul - that's about $100-$200 each time for mezuzahs that belonged to the landlord. Of course we replaced at least 2 mezuzahs in that apartment and could not figure out which ones were ours when we moved out - that's $150.
My husband was hospitalized several times due to infection, etc. We checked his tefillin and while kosher, they were basically junky inexpensive tefillin he bought when he first became frum. Our sofer told us it was like throwing good money after bad. And so we said okay, we'll buy new tefillin. 2 pairs (rashi, rabbenu tam) at $1800 each, plus extra for extra long straps, etc. Total $3800!!!! (we paid $500 up front and then about $200 each month until paid off).
When the tefillin were paid off, we moved into an apartment that had no mezuzahs. After much discussion of our family health situation, we decided to buy mehudar mezuzahs. $1600!!!
So now, for a number of reasons, we need to check a sibling's mezuzahs & tefillin. I've been given about a $300 estimate for just the checking. Who knows how much it will cost if there is a problem.
And as many of you know my FIL had a stroke several months ago and is technically in hospice. The doctors say he has about 6-12 months in his current condition. When he was in the ICU a few months ago we took his tefillin to be checked. The sofer finally came back to us and told us the batim were fine (if small) but the parshios were cracking - he felt it would be better to simply replace them. The cheapest he can do it for is $350. My MIL is refusing to pay any part of it. My FIL is complaining that the tefillin in the hospice are too big for him. Of course, I want my FIL to have his tefillin and have them be kosher. It's like, "wait, I need to make ANOTHER payment arrangement with our sofer?"
I want to clarify that our sofer is a tzaddik. He always takes a payment plan from us. He knows the checks are good and come on time.
I'm just tapped out. I reckon when all is said and done I will have given the sofer approximately $7000 in the last two years. Is that ridiculous? 
I have no problem budgeting $250 or so a year for tefillin/mezuzah checking. But do I need to budget more?  How much are you budgeting for safrus?
TIA
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Tamiri
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 10:52 am
I don't know what kind of tfillin you are buying. Our boys each got "nice" (read: not cheap) tfillin for about $1000 a pop. Who checks mezzuzot every year? I never heard of that, maybe it's special to your circles?
Not having good tfillin from the get-go, *is* a problem. Not having mezuzzot for you new house is a problem as well.
But what you are describing sounds way out there. I have a husband and 3 boys in tfillin. We don't spend nearly that much on checking and repairing. If the straps or batim need touch ups, they do it themselves.
I am sorry you are going through this. It just doesn't sound like anything I'm used to (and yes, we do check everything but NOT once/year and NOT at those prices).
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aidelmaidel
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:01 am
| Tamiri wrote: | I don't know what kind of tfillin you are buying. Our boys each got "nice" (read: not cheap) tfillin for about $1000 a pop. Who checks mezzuzot every year? I never heard of that, maybe it's special to your circles?
Not having good tfillin from the get-go, *is* a problem. Not having mezuzzot for you new house is a problem as well.
But what you are describing sounds way out there. I have a husband and 3 boys in tfillin. We don't spend nearly that much on checking and repairing. If the straps or batim need touch ups, they do it themselves.
I am sorry you are going through this. It just doesn't sound like anything I'm used to (and yes, we do check everything but NOT once/year and NOT at those prices). |
For my step son we bought tefillin from the sofer that someone had purchased for their own bar mitzvah boy and then returned because he wanted more mehudar tefillin. So we got a relatively good "deal" on them. I don't remember exactly how much they were.
For my husband, his medical issues were enough that we just decided to buy the best we could get according to our shita. My husband likes BIG batim. The price points were $1200, $1500, $1600, and $1800 each if I remember correctly. We felt that since we were already spending that kind of money, and hopefully it will be a one-time expense, we would just go to the top - the price difference was relatively negligible in the grand scheme of things.
The landlord said he wasn't required to put mezuzahs on our apartment, only the front doors. So we bought. There were again a few different levels. So we bought the best for the bedrooms and the middle level for the rest of the apartment. We also replace the exterior mezuzahs as we wanted more mehudar than what was there.
My husband doesn't feel comfortable fixing batim, straps, he doesn't have a yeshiva education and has to rely on the sofer.
And in Crown Heights at least, it's our minhag to check our mezuzahs and tefillin at least once a year in Elul, and also if there is a medical issue. (or if someone is having issues with yiddishkeit).
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sofaraway
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:08 am
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Some places check mezuzahs for 5 or 10$. Why does it come up to so much???
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Mama Bear
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:12 am
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wow.... I thought you have to check mezuzos twice in 7 years?
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aidelmaidel
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:16 am
| sofaraway wrote: | | Some places check mezuzahs for 5 or 10$. Why does it come up to so much??? |
I don't really know. Our Sofer checks and repairs and just tells us what the total is. I don't think he is taking advantage of us. I think our total mezuzah count is nine mezuzahs inside the apartment and 4 on the outer hallways. 13 mezuzahs times $10 each is $130 just for the checking - repairs cost more.
*BUT* our neighbor who we regard quite highly says that when he has his mezuzahs and tefillin checked each year, takes them to a different sofer - he wants a fresh set of eyes to look each year and to give their opinion. My husband and I are discussing that for this coming Elul.
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greenfire
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:18 am
tam tam - lubs wear 2 sets ... twice as much right off the bat ...
as for safrus ... I suggest raising one of those kids to become a sofer 
btw - let the landlord check HIS mezuzahs ... gosharuni could have saved you some dinero 
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Mama Bear
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:20 am
how in the world do you have nine doorways inside? and how do you have four doorways outside???? how many bedrooms do you have???
I have a 2 bedroom apartment, so four mezuzos and one for the front door!!
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aidelmaidel
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:23 am
Here's a link giving sources for when tefillin/mezuzahs should be checked:
http://hirhurim.blogspot.com/2......html
Also the Rebbe often instructed people to "check the tefillin" (that's in addition to the Elul check).
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greenfire
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:23 am
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mama bear - I have 26 mezuzas ... if I counted correctly ... there are places that warrant one that you wouldn't believe ...
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causemommysaid
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:26 am
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the reason you are spending more then anyone else here is because your shitta is much stricter as far as mezuzos and tefillin. if you need everything to be the most mehudar then your going to have to pay the most. same goes for any other mitzvah.
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aidelmaidel
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:27 am
| Mama Bear wrote: | how in the world do you have nine doorways inside? and how do you have four doorways outside???? how many bedrooms do you have???
I have a 2 bedroom apartment, so four mezuzos and one for the front door!! |
Front Exterior Door
Glass door between front door and door to our apartment
Front Door to our Apartment
3 bedrooms
doorway between living room & kitchen
doorway to the walk-in closet under the stairs
kitchen is L-shaped, the "joint" requires another mezuzah there.
doorway between the kitchen and the hallway to the bedroom
the laundry nook is basically a walk in closet with no door
Side Exterior Door
Side door to our apartment
door to the basement
So my bad, we've got 14 mezuzahs I think.
At least I don't need on the bathrooms!
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shalhevet
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:27 am
Sounds like you are into lots of hiddurim which may or may not be neccessary which you can't afford. You need to check with your OWN rav what hiddurim you should do - who said more expensive is better? (though el cheapo is usually not good) Someone told us they spent about $1000 on battim (ie not the klaf, just the battim) and our rav said there is no inyan in that particular hiddur.
I never, never heard of checking mezuzas and tefillin so often - I seem to remember it might not be so good to check them too often - again, ask your rav.
Who said the cure for medical issues is better tefillin? Maybe it's tzedaka. Maybe it's more hiddurim in bein adam lemakom. Maybe it's learning more hours a day? Again, consult with your own rav, not the latest segula fashion.
I would also ask a rav if I should take responsibility for checking a sibling's STAM if you can't afford to do anything about it. I don't know the circumstances, but again - ask.
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aidelmaidel
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:29 am
| ysmommy wrote: | | the reason you are spending more then anyone else here is because your shitta is much stricter as far as mezuzos and tefillin. if you need everything to be the most mehudar then your going to have to pay the most. same goes for any other mitzvah. |
I hear you, I'm just wondering how much other people budget for these things. When things weren't "mehudar" we had terrible medical problems. Now that we have more mehudar, things are improving. 
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aidelmaidel
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:35 am
| shalhevet wrote: | Sounds like you are into lots of hiddurim which may or may not be neccessary which you can't afford. You need to check with your OWN rav what hiddurim you should do - who said more expensive is better? (though el cheapo is usually not good) Someone told us they spent about $1000 on battim (ie not the klaf, just the battim) and our rav said there is no inyan in that particular hiddur.
I never, never heard of checking mezuzas and tefillin so often - I seem to remember it might not be so good to check them too often - again, ask your rav.
Who said the cure for medical issues is better tefillin? Maybe it's tzedaka. Maybe it's more hiddurim in bein adam lemakom. Maybe it's learning more hours a day? Again, consult with your own rav, not the latest segula fashion.
I would also ask a rav if I should take responsibility for checking a sibling's STAM if you can't afford to do anything about it. I don't know the circumstances, but again - ask. |
Our thought process was not "can we afford it" but rather "can we afford not to?" And my husband spoke with his Rov regarding the tefillin and agreed that we should move forward - but only if we could pay it out, which we did.
And we only check once a year unless there is an issue. Most people have no issue - we've had one issue after another - so we bought new tefillin from a sofer we trusted (rather then stam buying them in a judaica store - where his first pair were purchased). When we moved, we bought new mezuzahs that we own, again from a trusted sofer.
And while tefillin/mezuzahs are not the only cure for medical issues, it is generally regarded in our community as one of the things done.
In fact, my DH has agreed to ask a ROV about my FIL's tefillin and if we should pay for it. In regards to the sibling situation, I can't go into it here, but suffice that they need to be checked and the sibling & spouse don't have the $ to do it. Should we pay for it? I don't know. Could we use maaser $ for it? Maybe. Another question for a Rov.
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TzenaRena
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:37 am
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aidelmaidel, we also owe the sofer, and unfortunately didn't check them yet this Elul, because usaully we are finally paid up by the next Elul, but not this year... My son got tefillin half a year ago for his Bar Mitzvah, and we still owe for one pair. And we also have many many doorways, walk-in closets, basement. etc.
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TzenaRena
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:39 am
| Quote: | | Could we use maaser $ for it? Maybe. Another question for a Rov. | why shouldn't you be able to use maaser for that?
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sarahd
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:39 am
| shalhevet wrote: |
I never, never heard of checking mezuzas and tefillin so often - I seem to remember it might not be so good to check them too often - again, ask your rav.
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 Especially tefillin - it's not good to keep opening the battim and rerolling the klaf. AAMOF, we don't check tefillin unless we have a specific reason to do so, and mezuzos of course twice in seven years. But if your rebbe holds differently, then you do as he says.
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Depressed
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Tue, Nov 09 2010, 11:47 am
Number one...YOU DONT HAVE TO CHECK MEZUZAS EVERY YEAR... It says in Shulchan Aruch very clearly twice in seven years...
2) My husband learns full time and is very mdakdik b mitzvos .. His Rabeinu Tams from the chasana became posul, first he got from a Gemach, then when was no longer feasible, he asked a big poisek and was told to be matir neder on R Tams.. Then 3 years ago, his Rashi Tefillin was no longer good. First the sofer tried for several months to sell us a used pair or get 2nd hand parshas. Finally we got a very nice pair for 550. He paid 200 up front, and just this summer paid the rest off..
Always always always speak to a Rov and or masgiach.. If you are going to pay for tremendous hiddurim that you arent able to afford and then be bitter about it later, and complain how poor you are, it is a MITZVA HABA BAVEIRA..........
Please speak to a qualified Poisek....
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