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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
BasHashem
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 Thu, Feb 24 2005, 11:24 am
My soon to be 15 yr old son has a free shabbos this shabbos. He asked to go to n.y. Being that he does well in school and is a good boy BH, we agreed.  happily
We made arrangements for him to travel by bus. He then told me that there was a car going to ny. He said it would be cheaper to go with the car, and it would be quicker, yada yada yada. Thinking it was a responsible adult, I told him he could go with the car. 
My son calls me from yeshiva last night with the driver to tell me the price, I ask to speak to the driver and find out he is 20  , he will be the only driver with a bunch of other younger bochorim.
I start thinking, no way am I letting my so travel6-8 hours on snowy highways, with a bunch of boys.
B’h we are blessed that he is a good boy, and I am not worried about his judgement, but worried about the driver getting tired or getting silly.  
So I tell my son, (my oldest child) that I miss understood and thought the driver was an adult and that he has to take the bus.
WELLLLLL, he stormed around the house and still is, telling me I am over protective, and no other mother worries so much ( yes I am protective but shouldn’t I be, we busy insurances for our cars houses and jewellery, why am I attacked for trying to protect my real valuables (my children).
So I try to explain it all to him but he doesn’t get it and I understand that he doesn’t.
Am I being to over protective, what would you do?
Today he says to me, when I was growing up I was the only child who had to walk my bike across the street. So I said to him, sorry for loving you too much.
What you guys think, am I being over protective. Should I let him go with the car it is 40 bucks cheaper (as if that would change my mind. NOT  )
BasHashem
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ForeverYoung
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Thu, Feb 24 2005, 12:22 pm
8 hr drive is a long time
Where will they stop to rest?
(I think the driver needs a nap!!)
Other bochurim in the car is a potential for desruptions
I am a paranoid mother too
20 yr old - how long does he drive for?
how often does he drive on highways?
did he ever drive to NY b4?
I probably wouldn't be happy about such arrangement.
Who and how old are the other boys?
Talk to an adult who drove to NY about the route
(how easy to get lost, how deserted, frequent gaz stations on the way, wold he let his child go as a driver or a passanger)
there must be at least 1 fully charged cell phone in the car!!!
I don't think your son will thank me for my post
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Tefila
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Thu, Feb 24 2005, 12:27 pm
Bas Hashem I agree I don't like this arrangement too. And tell him you can go to N.Y. etc but until you are 18yrs love this is what we decided. Also you could scare him by telling him you know of cases when things didn't work out as planned. Hatzlacha 
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ForeverYoung
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Thu, Feb 24 2005, 1:06 pm
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arent we a bunch of Jewish mothers here?
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sarahd
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Thu, Feb 24 2005, 1:20 pm
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BasHashem - you are 100% right in your decision and don't let any teenager tell you you're not! Besides, "all the other kids do it" is the oldest line in the book, and don't fall for it!
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Motek
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Thu, Feb 24 2005, 1:25 pm
I understand all previous posts and it sounds right.
I'll just take exception to this:
| Quote: | | misunderstood and thought the driver was an adult |
a 20 year old is an adult and he has a valid license
I don't think you want to say otherwise. What you can say is, that you want to entrust your son to someone with more driving experience.
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hisorerus
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Thu, Feb 24 2005, 4:47 pm
Keep in mind, some 20-year-olds have had their licenses for 4 years, and I didn't get mine till age 19!
More to the point would be to find out what type of driver he is- has he gotten into accidents, does he insist on seatbelts for all passengers, is he confident about this trip, has he done it before?
I don't consider 6 - 8 hours SO major, I've done it straight several times.
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roza
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Thu, Feb 24 2005, 8:36 pm
| hisorerus wrote: |
I don't consider 6 - 8 hours SO major, I've done it straight several times. |
Location: Atzilus
I drove many times for 3-4- 5 hours.
you CAN"T make it straight - you need to stop. plus at night you need to stop every hour - take a walk 10 times around a car!
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roza
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Thu, Feb 24 2005, 8:37 pm
| hisorerus wrote: |
I don't consider 6 - 8 hours SO major, I've done it straight several times. |
Location: Atzilus
now, I drove many times for 3-4- 5 hours.
you CAN"T make it straight - you need to stop. plus at night you need to stop every hour - take a walk 10 times around a car!
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hisorerus
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 10:28 am
I can do it straight, just because you can't...  For an 8 hour drive I need to stop for gas once, but I used to do 4 hour runs straight on a fairly regular basis, going and returning the same day.
Granted, at night you have to stop every hour, but there's no Halacha about walking around the car (that's a suggestion) and the stop can be 30 seconds, not 10 minutes... (The one who received this Hora'a from the Rebbe was Mrs. Labkowsky, and I heard it from her.)
Again, different people have different capabilities in driving as in everything else, which is why more research would be necessary before writing off this Bochur as the safest, most responsible method of transportation.
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ForeverYoung
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 10:52 am
BUT!!
if it's my child and the driver is a virtual stranger.........
WITH a bunch of teens in the car!!
NO, NOT FOR ME, sorry
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Motek
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:08 am
remember that the bus driver is a stranger too, and he is the only driver on this 8 hour trip, and bus drivers (truck drivers, drivers with years of experience) have also been known to fall asleep at the wheel
I'm not saying the bus isn't the best option, but going with a responsible 20 year old is not insane
it depends on whether he is indeed responsible, what is his driving experience, are they driving by day or night, will he be rested, etc.
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Tefila
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:22 am
| Quote: | | remember that the bus driver is a stranger too, and he is the only driver on this 8 hour trip, and bus drivers (truck drivers, drivers with years of experience) have also been known to fall asleep at the wheel |
Generally except for one or few exceptions does it happen to Drivers who have kids on the bus. Plus the bus is insured and so is the driver they are going to be extremley careful, he is also at risk for losing his job amongst other things if he is reckless. I would have more confidence in this situation then going with a driver you don't know I.e. how many trips he's taken with teens and referances.
Disclaimer (fy ) Teenagers are very vulnerable at this age with hormones etc etc We have to sometimes take into account . Maybe not with this situation but that when they want to do something that their peers who are in general aidela bochurim want to do. We should let them. My humble opinion which I value greatly
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ForeverYoung
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:22 am
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they also vave special licence.......
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hisorerus
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:24 am
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Buses are not the nicest places either, considering the company you have to keep... plus, after you arrive, you have to usually take some sort of public transportation to actually get to the house. A bus usually adds 2 hours to the trip.
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Tefila
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:27 am
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I think what Bas Hashem was saying was once it arrived someone would pick him up. Why can't a charter bus be arranged coz that would be perfect solution for everyone? Or is there not enuf bochurim to cover expense of it?
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hisorerus
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:28 am
Bus drivers have a special license because a bus is harder to handle, it doesn't necessarily make them a better driver! I do grant that you're less likely to Ch"V get into an accident, but what about the subway or taxi you're now stuck with at the end of the trip?
You're the Mommy, you decide, but I don't think it's so clear cut!
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Tefila
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:30 am
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Then w/h that theory lets keep them in an insulated bubble fed under our watchful eyes so nonething bad can ever happen. No risk no gain Remember that saying
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gryp
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:34 am
anyway, from Montreal to Ny there is a Jewish bus that drops you off in Crown Heights.
but I think freilich is saying that with teenagers we have to choose our battles wisely and with the best judgement.
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ForeverYoung
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Fri, Feb 25 2005, 11:39 am
Buses are generally safer than cars b/c of their size & wieght
+ in the snow they have less chances of skidding
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