Do You Potch?! For Mothers of Children Ages 6-11 ONLY!

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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Do You Potch?

Yes

35%

[ 62 ]

64%

[ 111 ]

Total Votes : 173

Merrymom

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 11:08 am

I wanted to see the real world results. It's easy to say I don't potch when your child is only 2 so please answer if your child is at least 6 and even if you do it very infrequently (I certainly hope that's the case!).

Chayalle

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 11:22 am

I do not potch (DD's are 9 and 12). I will say - I do not have boys. Also - once when my girls were behaving particularly badly, I told them they should consider themselves potched. It worked.

losingweight

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 11:51 am

Dh and I have a policy that chutzpah must be potched after a warning has been given and ignored. B"H it happens infrequently. My ds is a real handful and we have no choice. I think rather than getting yelled at a child should get a potch, only with hands so you feel if it hurt too much. Yellings are alot more harmful in the long term.

amother

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 11:56 am

losingweight wrote:

You have choices, you are the ones that set the rules so if you wanted to you could have a different policy.

If I would potch my kids, they would be more chutzpadik, because it would lead them to be angry and defiant. If a child is a handful, as you say, it's worthwhile to evaluate whether the method you are using is having the desired effect, and whether it's harming him. And ITA, yelling is never helpful.

losingweight

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 12:00 pm

If he gets that potch, he realizes he went overboard. You gotta know your kids and do what's best for them.

amother

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 12:05 pm

losingweight wrote:

If he gets that potch, he realizes he went overboard. You gotta know your kids and do what's best for them.

I absolutely agree with that (I'm the previous poster). I think a home and a relationship is a whole complex system, and parents know more about their kids then outsiders. I just argue the "no choice" point to the degree that I have seen parents who are abusive and they think they have no choice. They make up rules that are too difficult for the child, and they carry thru because they won't change their own rules.

losingweight

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 12:08 pm

Thats why I said use your hands. If I have to give a potch, I also feel my childs pain. I don't think that can be called abusive.

moonstone

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 12:12 pm

Nope. I did once- in anger, which is totally wrong and I regret it to this day. Instead of hitting, we punish by taking away a privilege or assigning extra chores.

sky

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 12:17 pm

amother wrote:

If I would potch my kids, they would be more chutzpadik, because it would lead them to be angry and defiant. .

How do you know this?

gryp

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 12:21 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I do not potch (DD's are 9 and 12). I will say - I do not have boys. Also - once when my girls were behaving particularly badly, I told them they should consider themselves potched. It worked.

I did something similar. Once when my boys were a bit rowdy, I told them that in the olden days kinderlach would get smacked on the face or the bottom for not listening or not having derech eretz. They were so wide-eyed, I had to laugh.

Barbara

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 12:29 pm

We don't hit. We use natural consequences and, now that DS is a young teen, we've been known to ground him (which really translates to *if you haven't done your homework, you need to stay home to do it).

amother

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 12:56 pm

sky wrote:

amother wrote:

If I would potch my kids, they would be more chutzpadik, because it would lead them to be angry and defiant. .

How do you know this?

because I used to potch - though not tremendously, but here and there when I thought that that was the right and only way to deal with her behavior - with my oldest - and I saw that it just made her angry and resentful. I didn't like the relationship I was building with my kids, so I took a parenting course. This was about 6 years ago. Since then I don't potch, and my kids actually are better behaved, not defiant, not chutzpah. They are respectful because they want to be, and if they are ever out of line a gentle reminder does the job. My next child has rarely, if ever, been potched, and B"H no discipline problems.

amother

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 2:07 pm

Most people who don't feel strongly and just do whatever they do won't bother to open the thread.

Starhavah

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 2:23 pm

I checked "no" but I did potch for running into the street when she was little. That was the only things though.

amother

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 5:45 pm

We used to potch but have decided that it wasn't working

I think there's already a thread similar to this one . . .

mominlkwd

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 5:50 pm

We don't potch.

WriterMom

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 5:56 pm

We do not. IME though it's the 2-4 years when it's most tempting, when they seem immune to reason and consequences. I would no more consider smacking an eight year old than I would my siblings. With toddlers I've considered it plenty, but chosen not to do it.

sky

Tue, Nov 23 2010, 6:56 pm

amother wrote:

sky wrote:

amother wrote:

If I would potch my kids, they would be more chutzpadik, because it would lead them to be angry and defiant. .

How do you know this?

Thats not a proof. To be a proof you would have had to have done the same thing with your children using the same parenting techniches at the same ages.
The ages were different and you completely changed parenting techniches, maybe that is what made them not angry and defiant, not the lack of patching. Maybe you don't yell as much, or you communicate better with your children, maybe that is what helped.

(I don't have 6 year olds so I can't vote on this) but I agree with Writer Mom that with younger kids it is very tempting but I don't think it does a thing so I don't. From the 1 - 2 times I have given a patch on the hand, with a warning, completly calm, for something I had planned before that I would use it for (pulling off my tichel) they just laughed so I stopped doing it.

lech lecha08

Wed, Nov 24 2010, 10:23 am

WriterMom wrote:

We do not. IME though it's the 2-4 years when it's most tempting, when they seem immune to reason and consequences. ... With toddlers I've considered it plenty, but chosen not to do it.

My oldest is only 4 so I didn't vote but I feel the same. There have been a few times where the only thing stopping me was knowing it wouldn't change the situation (usually a tantrum-type behavior)
The one time I gave a slight smack to my then 1 1/2 yr old was when she picked up up a old piece of dog doo in the park. It was old so not smushy but I couldn't get her to drop it. I ended up giving a hard tap and she dropped it right away.

MrsDash

Wed, Nov 24 2010, 11:24 am

I can tell you from my experience that the stern, scary eyed look was enough to send me flying, more so than getting hit.

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