 |
|
 |
 |
|
|
Forum
-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
amother
|
 Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:13 pm
Dh and I went out tonight and left the kids home with the sitter.
Before I continue, let me add that we give our kids something small every night for channukah (like a thomas train or a polly pocket or something) and then one big gift for the entire holiday. I wrap each of them up to add to the excitement.
When we got home, I found half of 3 year old DS's Hannukah presents all over the floor in our room. (I discovered the big present in his room already set up!) Ripped up boxes and wrapping paper everywhere.
The sitter told me she was putting the 2 year old to sleep and when she came out of his room she went to look for the other two and found 5 year old DD and my son playing on the floor of our room.
That part really dissapoints me, but it doesn't tick me off.
The part that REALLY makes me mad is that I stored the baby's presents in my closet, and they were all ripped too (althoug just a little, just to see who they were for). I keep other presents stored in the closet for upcoming birthdays and they were broken into also.
I am MAJORLY TICKED OFF at my kids right now.
As it is, I put everything away, and took away the present DS got tonight. I am not quite sure about DD's involvment since none of her presents were opened, so I left hers alone for now. They're asleep so they won't find out until tomorrow.
I am not sure what I'm going to do about this tomorrow.. I need a good way to drive the point home. I feel like my privacy was violated by my own kids! Which is NOT a good feeling...
Dh says we should just NOT give them any presents until after the holiday is over. Maybe they can get it afterwards for good behavior...
Here are the problems I am dealing with in this situation:
- the fact that they opened stuff they knew they weren't supposed to open
- the fact they opened stuff they knew wasn't theirs
- the fact they DARED look through their parents personal belonging and vandalize property (OK, maybe an exaggeration, but that's what it feels like)
I don't know. I need really good ideas...
Any suggestions as to how to deal with this tmorrow?
| |
|
| Back to top |
 0
 0
|
Mimisinger
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:18 pm
|
I have zero practical advice, but I feel your frustration. Ugh, I would be beyond annoyed with the kids.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
de_goldy
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:24 pm
|
If I understood correctly, the children you are so annoyed at are 3 and 5, particularly the 3 yr old. That is very young to expect so much of. For a 3 yr old to know where the presents are, and to know they are for him, but not to open when a good opportunity arises? I would say hide them better next time. I understand you are upset now, but to say your 3 yr old son invaded your privacy? sounds like an extreme reaction to me. Hopefully things will be calmer and clearer in the morning. Good luck.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Merrymom
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:24 pm
|
You have got to be kidding me right? You took away their presents? Don't you think you are overeacting a bit? You do know that every five and three year old the world over would have done the same thing unless they live with abusive parents, right?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
anon
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:32 pm
I'm glad to see the two posters above in strong agreement with me.
I understand that you're disappointed that your surprise presents were ruined. But I'm baffled as to why you're ANGRY.
Invasion of privacy? Going through personal belongings (that are WRAPPED PRESENTS...YIPPPEEE!!!).
Your post would make a lot more sense if you were talking about older children (who should really know better and have more self-control). But you're talking about preschoolers!!
As a parent, it's really important not to understimate our children. But it's also equally important not to overestimate them. Your children sound like healthy, curious little munchkins whose parents did a poor job of hiding presents.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
mommalah
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:35 pm
|
This is pretty much what 3 and 5 year olds (and sometimes 7 year olds... ) do. You've described my life on a daily basis. My kids breaking into the up high cabinet in the morning to look for treats. Toilet paper strewn about after they use the bathroom. I woke up this past Shabbos morning to find the kids had used the hand washing cup to make tissue paper "snow balls" tha they then stored in plastic bags and put under their beds. I understand how frustrated you are. Is this out of the ordinary behavior for them?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
bnm
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:35 pm
|
my 2 year old found her present, I took it away and said No, its for tomorrow. end of store. invasion of privacy that she went through my drawers? she is 2.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
yummymummy
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:35 pm
|
I've got to agree with the ladies above me - you are way overreacting! We're talking about a 3 year old and a 5 year old. Next time hide the presents better! You think they violated your privacy !?! woah, your kids weren't reading your diary for juicy details about your life! They were playing in your room, found a bunch of unopened presents and like any normal kids they excitedly opened them. Please try to calm down overnight.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:39 pm
| de_goldy wrote: | | If I understood correctly, the children you are so annoyed at are 3 and 5, particularly the 3 yr old. That is very young to expect so much of. For a 3 yr old to know where the presents are, and to know they are for him, but not to open when a good opportunity arises? I would say hide them better next time. I understand you are upset now, but to say your 3 yr old son invaded your privacy? sounds like an extreme reaction to me. Hopefully things will be calmer and clearer in the morning. Good luck. |
Well I would see your point except for the fact that they KNOW they're not allowed to snoop. I've caught them doing it before. My 5 year old knows she's not allowed, which probably explains why she didn't touch her own stuff.
The 3 year old knows too, but whenever he's bored I see him try go into my closet to look for presents. It's not the first time he tries this, and he usually does this when he's mad at something I did like put him in time out. He TOTALLY understands.
Are you saying I should just ignore it happened? should I let them keep what they found? I feel like I need to use this as some kind of a teachable moment...
I guess my issue isn't so much the presents, but the fact that they have ABSOLUTELY ZERO respect for their parents room. They come in and out all the time at all hours of the night. I know this is our fault because we don't know how to set the limits... I guess I'm looking for some guidance as to HOW to set them.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
kitov
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:43 pm
|
Chill, momale, chill. That's why locks were invented. I also very much dislike when kids (or sitters) browse my room, so I lock my room hen I leave the kids behind.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:44 pm
I agree with the point that you are frustrated now & I'm actually happy that you will have a night to sleep it over before giving over any info about this situation to your kids!
I would not mention anything right in the morning. wait till they come home from school, then have a casual family meeting & you can tell them in a calm voice that "we all know what happened last night & you know that you did something wrong. Since this is the first time this happened, I will give you one more chance. Just like I dont look into your private stuff you may not look into my private stuff." that would be end of conversation. & go ahead with your customary gift giving.
good luck!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Merrymom
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:44 pm
| amother wrote: | | de_goldy wrote: | | If I understood correctly, the children you are so annoyed at are 3 and 5, particularly the 3 yr old. That is very young to expect so much of. For a 3 yr old to know where the presents are, and to know they are for him, but not to open when a good opportunity arises? I would say hide them better next time. I understand you are upset now, but to say your 3 yr old son invaded your privacy? sounds like an extreme reaction to me. Hopefully things will be calmer and clearer in the morning. Good luck. |
Well I would see your point except for the fact that they KNOW they're not allowed to snoop. I've caught them doing it before. My 5 year old knows she's not allowed, which probably explains why she didn't touch her own stuff.
The 3 year old knows too, but whenever he's bored I see him try go into my closet to look for presents. It's not the first time he tries this, and he usually does this when he's mad at something I did like put him in time out. He TOTALLY understands.
Are you saying I should just ignore it happened? should I let them keep what they found? I feel like I need to use this as some kind of a teachable moment...
I guess my issue isn't so much the presents, but the fact that they have ABSOLUTELY ZERO respect for their parents room. They come in and out all the time at all hours of the night. I know this is our fault because we don't know how to set the limits... I guess I'm looking for some guidance as to HOW to set them. |
I am absolutely baffled. Do you not know what normal behavior for their age is? Don't you know that a 3 year old is still considered a baby. I almost wonder if you're just posting this to get people excited for the heck of it , except shockingly enough I think you're serious. No 3 year old or 5 year old is CAPABLE of that kind of self-control. They are not miniature adults. They're job is to test their limits, annoy you like crazy, disrespect boundaries and your privacy! Do you really not know this? That's why kids need a mother, to teach them and to guide them. You are angry at them? I am so beyond shocked, shocked, shocked!
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Atali
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:47 pm
|
I agree that this is totally normal behavior for this age and would just take back the presents and give them on their previously-designated nights.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
anon
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:49 pm
Just because a child KNOWS what is right and wrong, does not mean that they are developmentally ready to do the right thing. Practically speaking, you do want to teach your children important values, but you need to know when is the right age to teach each value. Would you say that a 2 year old was "snooping"? What's the cut-off age for snooping versus childish curiosity? Children love to explore their environment, it's a natural instinct for them. Just because mommy says it's wrong does not mean that they are capable of understanding why it's wrong or capable of crushing their burning desire for exploration.
As for the presents: I would calmly take them back and tell the kids that they'll get it when it's present time. And then you'll give them their presents as originally planned (lovingly!). Don't ruin Chanukah over this.
Separately, you can take the time to explore what ages are appropriate to enforce privacy, and what would be an effective way to teach it.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:52 pm
|
you gotta listen to what Dina Friedman has to say about Stealing... (Especially if you say you dont know how to set limits)
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
anon
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:56 pm
| amother wrote: | | you gotta listen to what Dina Friedman has to say about Stealing... (Especially if you say you dont know how to set limits) |
Is that under the topic of trust and lying? I didn't listen to that class yet, I was thinking of waiting for the notes to arrive (I like listening along with the notes). I'm excited now!
Did she mention the minimum age it would even be considered stealing (which is most relevatn to this topic)?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
amother
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:56 pm
| Merrymom wrote: | | amother wrote: | | de_goldy wrote: | | If I understood correctly, the children you are so annoyed at are 3 and 5, particularly the 3 yr old. That is very young to expect so much of. For a 3 yr old to know where the presents are, and to know they are for him, but not to open when a good opportunity arises? I would say hide them better next time. I understand you are upset now, but to say your 3 yr old son invaded your privacy? sounds like an extreme reaction to me. Hopefully things will be calmer and clearer in the morning. Good luck. |
Well I would see your point except for the fact that they KNOW they're not allowed to snoop. I've caught them doing it before. My 5 year old knows she's not allowed, which probably explains why she didn't touch her own stuff.
The 3 year old knows too, but whenever he's bored I see him try go into my closet to look for presents. It's not the first time he tries this, and he usually does this when he's mad at something I did like put him in time out. He TOTALLY understands.
Are you saying I should just ignore it happened? should I let them keep what they found? I feel like I need to use this as some kind of a teachable moment...
I guess my issue isn't so much the presents, but the fact that they have ABSOLUTELY ZERO respect for their parents room. They come in and out all the time at all hours of the night. I know this is our fault because we don't know how to set the limits... I guess I'm looking for some guidance as to HOW to set them. |
I am absolutely baffled. Do you not know what normal behavior for their age is? Don't you know that a 3 year old is still considered a baby. I almost wonder if you're just posting this to get people excited for the heck of it , except shockingly enough I think you're serious. No 3 year old or 5 year old is CAPABLE of that kind of self-control. They are not miniature adults. They're job is to test their limits, annoy you like crazy, disrespect boundaries and your privacy! Do you really not know this? That's why kids need a mother, to teach them and to guide them. You are angry at them? I am so beyond shocked, shocked, shocked! |
Look. maybe something is getting lost over the internet here. I am not looking for drama. I am not looking for judgement. This actually happened. I know my own kids and I know what they understand and what they don't. I am just trying to figure out what to tell them tomorrow morning
Obviously, I know that If they see a present on a table, they're not going to stop themselves from opening it, especially if no one is looking. But I KNOW that they know they are not allowed to go into my closet (Bc we have discussed it before) and they KNOW that they are only allowed ONE present a day (BC we discussed this too)
They know they did something wrong because when the sitter caught them they ran away from her and hid for 20 minutes. (which I forgot to mention in my original post) obviously they know they did something wrong.
It's not like I'm going to beat them up tomrrow (Chas Ve Shalom!) or yell and scream until I turn blue in the face. I am angry, but I will get over it before they wake up.
All I want is to turn this experience into something they can learn from. I don't think they deserve to keep the presents they took, that's for sure. But that's the reason I posted. Maybe someone on here can give me some PRODUCTIVE advice that will help me educate my children and help them grow?
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
Merrymom
|
Wed, Dec 01 2010, 11:57 pm
| amother wrote: | | you gotta listen to what Dina Friedman has to say about Stealing... (Especially if you say you dont know how to set limits) | 
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
anon
|
Thu, Dec 02 2010, 12:00 am
|
OP, it's not very often that you get an overwhelming feeling of agreement between responding posters. I understand that the way people wrote their responses are making you feel defensive. But for the sake of your children, try to put the feeling of defensiveness aside and let what we're saying absorb. Of course you don't have to agree. But I don't think you really took a moment to even absorb what anyone is saying. You keeping repeating your same argument without addressing what mothers keep posting....THAT YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE NOT AGE-APPROPRIATE.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
anon
|
Thu, Dec 02 2010, 12:02 am
| Merrymom wrote: | | amother wrote: | | you gotta listen to what Dina Friedman has to say about Stealing... (Especially if you say you dont know how to set limits) | |
Dina Friedman is the woman who gives a PHENOMENAL phone parenting course. It's become increasingly popular as more and more people are taking it and spreading the word.
| |
|
| Back to top |
0
0
|
|
Imamother may earn commission when you use our links to make a purchase.
© 2024 Imamother.com - All rights reserved
|  |
 |
|
 |
|
|
