Shabbos and stuck home with the kids

amother

Sat, Jan 08 2011, 3:43 pm

Need some advice here. How do other mommies survive shabbos? I have two children, b"H. One new born baby and an almost two year old. We don't have an eruv and live in a small apartment. We don't have family nearby. Shabbos recently drives me nuts, because my toddler bounces against the walls, there's the baby, we can't go out and DH goes to shul. My yetzer hora wants to keep DH home but I know thst of course thst isn't a solution. What do other mommies in similar situation do?

amother

Sat, Jan 08 2011, 3:55 pm

Been there, done that. We also live without an eruv, an apartment without garden. Can you find a non-jewish babysitter a few hours in the morning or in the afternoon to take the children out in a buggy (everything pre-arranged before shabbat)? Can DH go to an early miniyan and be back home so that you can go to at least a part of main minyan? Can your toddler walk to the synagogue? If so can DH take him/her?

Failing that, we just had our own children's shabbat service, placing all stuffed animals in a circle in our living room floor.

amother

Sat, Jan 08 2011, 4:21 pm

amother wrote:

I know how you feel. It is very very hard. It is getting better for me with every shabbes, BH. Take it 1 hour at a time. Prepare in advance - buy extra toys etc. Try to time baby's naps to have more 1 on 1 time with the baby. Try to stay calm as much as possible. Have no guests. I BTDT, and my main focus is to remain stress-free as much as possible. Once you get angry, it just escalates. can dh take the tpddler to shul or to a friend's house to play for an hur or so?

grin

Sat, Jan 08 2011, 4:30 pm

try to set aside toys special for Shabbos that they see only once a week, to make it more interesting for them. Hopefully they (right now, s/he) will play quietly for longer. iyh once you have more kids, they'll occupy each other and give you some more breathing space.

Aside from that, dh should be able to give you naptime in the afternoon. (or even better, use the time to take a walk or go to a friend's house or a shiur for an hour.)

ckk

Sat, Jan 08 2011, 7:45 pm

Omg, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. My husband leaves early to learn before shul and im stuck ina tiny stuffy apartment for hours! I go nuts!The only think that works for me is having treats availible for me to eat (im a big nasher) and just forcing myself to take each half hour as it comes and enjoy it! Another thing that works sometimes is the mentally break it up, like before the nap, during the nap, the time you take to daven, preparing for the meal and then the time when hes basically could come in the next hour or so. That way its not a huge stretch of time ahead of you.

amother

Sat, Jan 08 2011, 10:40 pm

Wow, thanks so far for your quick replies. I guess it already helps knowing that I am not alone :-)

What kind of games/treats do you keep for shabbos? I tried that, but Ifind it a challenge to occupy my toddler for more than let's say five minutes.

Hope we can keep venting at this topic!

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 6:19 am

amother wrote:

how old are your kids?

greentiger

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 6:35 am

I know the feeling! Bh I can get out now and its amazing. What I found helpful is to make sure I have enough reading material to look forward to shabbos for.
Op, do you have a neighbor with walking kids that you can invite over on shabbos morning? I occasionally stop by my neighbor with my kids and she loves it. She lit begs me to come. And I can understand her.

Regarding guests, I found it to be quite the opposite. As stressful as shabbos may be, I am doing everything anyways, and having more adult company around, and being able to socialize is SUCH a pleasure that its worth whatever it takes for me to get it to happen. Also with people around, your kid may not be as bored and will be getting more attention. When you are happy and looking forward to shabbos, your kid feels it too.

How old is your toddler? Is there anything that keeps him busy? Role play? Cars? Books?Sometimes you just need to tap into that one thing that makes him happy. When all else fails, make sure you have a babysitter for motzai shabbos and treat yourself to a bit of breathing time.

Shopmiami49

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 7:29 am

greentiger wrote:

WHEN do you have time to read all that material while watching your kids?? PLEASE SHARE!! LOL

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 7:39 am

The only way I deal with this problem is by honestly accepting reality. Shabbos for mothers in this type of situation is the hardest day of the week and also probably the most stressful.That's life for us at this time.Hashem should bless us because we keep His Shabbos no matter what.

greentiger

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 7:43 am

lol reading is for after kids are in bed or when they are playing nicely. Not as much time as I'd like but on occasion they are happy to curl up with me on the couch and look at pictures. (and turn pages Smile

)

MiamiMommy

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 8:14 am

Is there an eruv within the building?

That's what saved me when I was in your situation! I used to visit/get visited by other stuck mommies on Shabbos morning. We'd have coffee and the kids would play. I actually looked forward to it!

amother

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 12:32 pm

amother wrote:

Really. Sometimes I hate this feeling of anxiety when shabbes is approaching (Not OP)

gumdrop

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 12:34 pm

I remember those days! It's unbelieveable how you thought it would always be this way. Actually now I look forward to Shabbos used to not be this way. My kids are not big enough yet but two are past toddler stage already so huge diff.
Keep your and your toddlers favorite little nosh that you can keep snitching from. Buy yourselves Shabbos treats. Find books they like. Do you have enought age appropiate toys for him so you can keep changing the activity? Potato head, pegs, lego, peg puzzles, dolls etc, makes a big diff.
I know we don't always like to hear this but it will pass real quick !!!

flowerpower

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 12:57 pm

Get some good reading materials for yourself to read on shabbos. Hide non muktzah toys and take them out on shabbos only. While dc plays on the floor near the couch you can read. Can you or dh take toddler for a walk around the block while the other one watches the newborn? How about finding someone in your neighborhood that can come over and visit you?

grin

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 1:44 pm

gumdrop wrote:

yes, it does pass because this dd one day soon iyh will be playing with her younger sibs and keeping them out of your way so that you can R-E-L-A-X!!!

Frum

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 2:27 pm

Op here. Thanks for all the ideas and for making me feel less alone.

No eruv in the building, nor other Jews. My friends are all in a similar situation so they too can't go out.

My girls are 21 months and 2 weeks, so the toddler can play nicely for 20 minutes, but now that there is a baby she demands more attention. Somehow they want mommy time at the same time, when the baby is asleep dd is quiet, but when I am nursing or holding the baby dd gets jealous. Iy"h it will pass with time, it's only been two weeks since I gave birth.

What I find really hard is that shabbos used to be a time to rest, and now it feels like it is a day that costs me even more emergy than a regular weekday.

As for reading material, we do have Mishpacha and I have a pile of books I want to read, but I don't know when I could do that.

What kind of nosh do you give your toddler ( and yourself :-D) to keep him occupied? And what kind of games do you keep for shabbos? I like that idea.

AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Jan 09 2011, 2:46 pm

Go through all of your toddler's toys. Take out ALL of them that aren't muktza. Every last one. Then choose two or three that you think she'd really miss if they suddenly disappeared. Leave those, hide the rest somewhere that she absolutely cannot get to, but you can (even when the baby is sleeping, if possible). If you do it today, on Sunday, she's still young enough that she'll probably be excited when you take it out on Shabbos. Save it for the times you really need it, like when the baby is going to be nursing or is starting to really cry. Try to pre-empt the crying - don't just use the toys to respond to it, or she'll learn that if she cries she gets a toy.

My kids are slightly older, but I was in the same situation about six months ago. This is what I did.

Oh, and its easier and harder now. Easier because they do entertain each other, and because my two year old entertains himself much better now than he did six months ago. Harder because they're at each other's throats if I don't keep an eye on them Smile

But honestly, I can already see there's a light at the end of the tunnel. You're currently at the hardest point. Not sure if that helps...but at least you know you have a RIGHT to feel exhausted and overwhelmed with this responsibility.