How to speak with someone who stutters

amother

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 10:03 am

Sorry if I put this in the wrong forum.

I work closely with a woman my age, who stutters.
She can get a lot of sentences out without a single problem.
But then she can get stuck on one word for about 20 seconds or more (I know 20 seconds doesn't sound so long, but you can probably say 20 words in 20 seconds, where she can't say anything at all!).
How am I supposed to react? Does she realize that she's stuttering?
Should I fill in the word for her if I know what she was about to say?
Should I ignore it? Should I keep on looking at her, or does that make her more nervous?

Please help. I don't want to make her more uncomfortable than she already may be.

p.s. Anonymous in case she may be on here.

rainbow baby

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 10:10 am

You should ignore it. By filling in the words you will just embarrass her and she will probably start to stutter even more. When a person stutters it can mean they are nervous, so by filling in the words it can make them even more nervous. As this person starts to feel more at ease with you the stuttering may become less. So ignore it and do keep looking at her, if you look away she will know that you feel uncomfortable with her stuttering. You know when people have let's say a facial disfigurement the two things they notice and upset them is when people either stare at them or cannot look at them in the eye. So yes keep eye contact at all times.

Coke Slurpee

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 10:14 am

My brother stuttered. We were told not to fill in the gaps when he starts stuttering, but to just wait patienly. She definitely realizes that she is stuttering and having a hard time getting her words out. The best thing is just to be patient and understanding.

aussiegal

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:10 am

Sonniboni wrote:

I'm a speech therapist and that's definitely teh way to go - wait it out!!!Don't show impatience.

downsyndrome

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 8:40 pm

My son with Down syndrome stutters quite badly. Otherwise, he is a very bright young man and he is very verbal and very social. I am so fed up with his stuttering after years of failed conventional speech therapy, that I am now in touch with a specific institute for stuttering. I don't know their strategy yet, I hear their treatment costs a mint, but I might just give it a go.

One thing is for sure: We never finish Moishey's sentences for him or fill in his words when the dysfluency gets him stuck. We also exercise tremendous patience and don't let him get the feel that he is annoying or that we don't have the time to wait him out. As for eye contact, I don't think he has the cognitive perception to understand that fully, but with a 'normal' person I would say it must be hurtful if you look away. However, be careful that when you do continue to look while they are struggling with their words, try not to look impatient or anxious for them; this, in and of itself, can cause stuttering.

Mirabelle

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 8:53 pm

Well I guess I am the first real stutterer to respond. I have been a documented stutterer since the age of 6 and received therapy for it off an on until college.
What I think people do not realize about stuttering is that you arent really stuttering, you have trouble getting the word out that your mind wants to say. I always tell people to picture they are in school and the teacher asks who is the president of the United States. You raise you hand, you know the answer, but when the teacher calls on you and you open your mouth to speak you can barely get the word out, if you can get it out at all. Stuttering is something often times hereditary that there is NO cure for. Therapy can help and make you a more comfortable stutterer, but as of now there is no cure. In terms of how to speak with someone who stutters here are my suggestions.

1) NEVER EVER finish her sentences or words. She knows what she wants to say, it just may take her time get it out.

2) Do not avoid eye contact when she is having a block.

3) Treat her like you would treat anyone else.

Remember this is something that she deals with everyday of her life and, if her experience is anything like mine, most people are not nearly as sensitive as you are trying to be towards it.

By the way, I do not mean to be rude, but I do not think it is really fair to compare stuttering with speech issues associated with downs syndrome since stuttering is not a developmental disorder. Just my two cents.

Mirabelle

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 9:01 pm

p.s. to answer one of the OP's questions

Yes. of course the the person who is stuttering "knows" that they are stuttering! She is just trying to get her word out. As a stutterer it is often too easy to start using "tricks" as one of my therapists used to call it, such as using filler words that help you get the word out, or by subsituting a different word entirely. This is never good as it makes stuttering into an even bigger issue since you aren't really saying what you want to say.

Also, real stutterers do not only stutter when they are nervous. We stutter all the time! There is no rhyme or reason as to what brings on a block.

A lot of the responses that people posted regarding not making the woman feel embarrased were sweet, but get real, this is something that this woman deals with every day in all parts of her life. If she is anything like me I hope she has gotten to the point where she can be comfortable telling people (if they think that she is simply disfluent because she is nervous) that she is a stutterer and not stopping her from living her life in anyway.

Sorry, I guess this is something that I am super passionate about because I think so few people understand it, even the speech therapists. How can you truly understand it if you do not live with it everyday?

downsyndrome

Wed, Sep 06 2006, 11:53 pm

Shosh, I'm sorry if you thought I was trying to imply that there was something connected between stuttering and Down syndrome. That is the farthest thing from the truth. It just so happens to be that a lot of individuals with DS stutter, but there is no valid explanation for it. For now, stutterers with DS are treated and considered pretty much the same as stutterers WITHOUT DS. Stuttering has nothing to do with the developmental delay that comes along with Down syndrome.
Do you feel better now?

amother

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 10:51 am

Thanks again everyone, especially Shosh.
So if I'm supposed to continue making eye contact, I just feel weird- staring at her for 20 seconds with silence between us as she tries to get the word out, kwim?
But I guess that is the best thing to do.
Thank you!

Mirabelle

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 11:11 am

My suggestion on eye contact comes from my last venture into speech therapy in college in which I was taught that as a stutterer I would be more comfortable if when I had a block if I maintained eye contact. Trust me, it is tempting when I am having a block to look away also! I guess the more "normal" you treat her the more normal she will feel. I am not sure how severe of a stutterer your co-worker is (in my therapy groups over the years I have met people with many different degrees of severity in their stuttering, some of them had much longer blocks than 20 seconds!), but yashar koach to her for doing the right thing and not letting her speech issues get in the way of her job. I know sometimes when I am having a bad speech day (for me it comes and goes) it can be tempting to just avoid certain speaking situtations, but I know thats not the right thing to do. I can't let my speech issues control my life.

Mirabelle

Thu, Sep 07 2006, 12:07 pm

That is a very common age to begin showing signs of stuttering. I think I mentioned that I was first diagnosed at age 6 when I was in 2nd grade. Up until that point I spoke completely fluently. I would arrange to get him evaluated as soon as you can since you want to make sure that 1) If he is indeed a stutterer he begins therapy young and then possibly can have less frustration and 2) You want to make sure that his stuttering is documented so that when he is leaning to read his teachers don't mix up his stuttering with reading disfluency, which is something that happened to me!
As someone who inhertited stuttering from my father (and he inherited it from his father) I know I will be watching my own children closely around age 5 and 6 to see if they are developing any of the signs.
You can PM me if you want more details regarding how to get free speech therapy from the city/county etc.