Making Aliyah..having some doubts...

peanutgallery7

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 8:39 pm

I am making a split Aliyah in July with my 5 kids to Ofra. I chose this area, as I felt that with my Husband not coming I needed to be near some family. He has one sister in Ofra, and I felt that the neighborhood was right for the kids, as it is close knit. Now my SIL and BIL just left from a visit, and they don't think that being in Ofra is the best choice. They feel that I will feel very isolated, and far removed for "life". If I want to go out, it won't be so easy. I was looking into 2 other neighborhood, one was Moshav Gea near Ashkelon, but the schools were horrible, the other was Bene Reem, and the kids would be in Yad Binyamin for school. Although the neighborhood is more centrally located, I am not that close with the 2 family members, and didn't feel that it was the best option to be there, as I anticipated needing a close support system through this process.

Now it is almost May, and I feel so conflicted. Especially with everything that happened in Itamar, my kids are anxious and I don't know if I am making the right choice.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

Ashrei

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 8:56 pm

Making aliyah at all is a big step. Hashem will work everything out for you and help you be successful. Don't worry. Just relish in this important thing you're doing for yourself and your family's future. Worst case, after you get a little settled and learn more about different areas, you can always move again. What's important is that you'll be in eretz Yisroel.

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 9:31 pm

There are several of us who live near Ofra (I live in Ariel, we have at least 1 in Shilo and several in Kochav Yaakov/Tel Tzion).

Honestly, moving to almost any medium to small yishuv (especially without having a car) from a city in the US can be limiting. I moved from Brooklyn to Eli, which at the time was a yishuv of about 300 families. Now it's about 500 families.

I was bored and lonely. Depending on the bus can be frustrating. Plus it's a longer ride to Jerusalem.

Moving to a small yishuv right off the plane is tricky. It takes a lot to adjust... unless you're used to living in the middle of nowhere.

Having said all that... it was AMAZING for my kids.

(BTW, Ariel is a town of about 20,000 in the Shomron. By car we're about 40 minutes north of Ofra).

peanutgallery7

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 9:35 pm

What types of advice do you have to make it smooth...how did you manage with getting out? Did you ever fel as if you needed to just get away? How old were your kids when you made Aliyah? Is it realistic to go out out night? Did you work right away?

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 9:41 pm

peanutgallery7 wrote:

We managed with the bus. We didn't have a choice.

Yes, I did feel like I just needed to get away. I've been here for almost 14 years and I STILL feel that way every so often.

My girls were a month shy of 5 and 6 when we moved.

No, it isn't realistic to go out at night. Not unless you can guarantee to be back on an 11 p.m. bus and don't mind getting home at 12 1 a.m.

My (now ex) husband did begin working right away. I found a very part time job.

BeershevaBubby

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 9:44 pm

My advice for someone making Aliyah is find a place you can deal with for a year, with the potential of settling down there on a more permanent basis. Then spend the next year exploring your options and the country and get to really know places. Coming on a pilot trip is a glorified vacation and it's a whirlwind, where you're hit with a huge amount of into in a short time while spending a chunk of that jet-lagged and living out of suitcases.

supermama2

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 9:45 pm

YESHASettler wrote:

I have a friend who made alyiah w/ me several months ago and she's happy in Ariel.

supermama2

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 9:52 pm

peanutgallery7 wrote:

I'm not on a yishuv or even oot really but I can feel the need to 'just get away' and had a very very rough time adjusting...think emotional collapse for a few days/almost weeks!...I think it depends a lot on the streghths of a person as to how they adjust. I came w/ 5 kids 9 and under. I think to make it smoothe...don't expect anything from anyone or any place. Lower expectations..know it can be hard but it's really 'home' despite whatever troubles we may have. The spiritual highs are much higher here I think so, when you feel especially connected to HKBH here sieze the moment and pour your heart out and make requests. This will give you the koach to continue imho.

Marion

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 10:58 pm

Ofra really is a wonderful, wonderful community. Do you know what part of the yishuv you'll be living in yet? I can also give you the name of a friend of mine who's there, as an extra person to know immediately. She used to be my babysitter; has girls 17, 15, and 10, and boys 12 (?) and 7 (?). And the girls like to babysit, if you need to do some unpacking without your children's help...

Bussing to Jerusalem is not so bad from Ofra; I don't think you'll feel so secluded. It's absolutely gorgeous.

Klita tova!

Tamiri

Wed, Apr 20 2011, 11:39 pm

I, too, would go with the Ofra option. First, because everything is right there: you won't have to start looking for school, medical clinic etc. You have family. The kids will be free to roam and won't be nagging you to get out of the house. The weather is decent so they WILL be able to get out (as opposed to the South). The people living in Ofra are probably going to be able to help you in terms of meals, buddies etc. It may not be the type of help you would get in a decent kehilla in chu"l, but if you keep in mind you are in Israel and it's DIFFERENT, you should be able to manage. You can "hitch" rides with neighbors and figure out ways to get away. One nice thing about living a bit "OOT" is that you will have to start managing pretty quickly and won't be tempted to go out for every meal ($$$) etc.
Being that you have family there, close family in fact, I would say: go for it. If you can find a place to rent, of course.

Tablepoetry

Thu, Apr 21 2011, 9:26 am

How old are your kids? I think often younger kids love the smaller yeshuv lifestyle, where they are free to roam from house to house, the cars are few and the families close. However, if you have preteens/teens, a yeshuv lifestyle might not be for them. I say MIGHT; I know many teens love their yeshuv, but there are many that need the action of a larger town/city.

When we were looking for a place to settle (as veteran Israelis, not olim), my husband and older children had one main need/request: that we not settle in a quiet/sleepy area. We had been there, done that; and they wanted action, stores, busy pizzerias, kiosks, gyms within walking distance, people, a city atmosphere where you can see people walking around outside at all hours. Now when I say city atmosphere I'm not talking New York; but not a sleepy suburb either.

So the big question is, where are you coming from? A city? A suburb? A town? I'm not familiar with Ofra, but I assume it's a pretty quiet bedroom type of community. Is that what you are looking for? Are you a good fit with the community in Ofra?

Also, how available will your family member be? Is it worth basing your move around this family member? (How close are you?)

freidasima

Thu, Apr 21 2011, 10:40 am

I was going to ask the same as Table. Where are you from, what are your kids used to, how old are they. I would start davka with a big city with all the amenities if that's what you are used to. Schools are good, life is expensive and you won't have your family really nearby but in daily terms life will be closest to city life abroad, again, if that's what you were used to. Small yishuvim can be great but only if you and your kids are used to rural life without a car and without possibilities that a city can offer. For me the advantages of living in an urban area outpace anything else, at least for the first year.

Aliyah is hard. Moving and adjusting isn't easy. It's easier sometimes when you have family around but they can't be your 24/7 babysitters, either for you or for your kids needs. And if they have urban needs, at least at first, an urban environment can be easier than getting used to both a new country and new style of life in total.

All depends on what you were used to elsewhere.

DrMom

Thu, Apr 21 2011, 11:30 am

I think moving to a yishuv is lovely IF you have a support system. KNowing your sister is a good start, but see how well you fit into the community too. That can really make the difference between feeling "stuck" in the boonies vs. feeling at home. Good luck!!!

Tablepoetry

Thu, Apr 21 2011, 2:51 pm

DrMom wrote:

It's not her sister, it's her dh's sister. And he's not going to be in the country. Are you really that close to your sil? What do you expect in terms of her functioning as a support system? Do you have children close in age?

I agree with the above poster who said, come without expectations of people helping you out. I'm worried you might be disappointed to discover your sil is busy with her family and work and doesn't have enough time to be there for you fully. I"m sure she'll be glad to introduce you to friends and host you for meals once in a while, but is that enough to base your decision on where to move?

peanutgallery7

Thu, Apr 21 2011, 7:14 pm

We are presently living In Queens, right outside NYC....I guess I was thinking that I was done with the hustle of the city, and not letting the kids wonder freely. I was maybe fantasizing about the freedom of an Yishuv for them, but for me personally I know it will be a a hardship. I love just wondering around aimlessly. I will have a car, so I could get out if I need to, but I don't know how comfortable people feel driving from Ofra to Jerusalem by themselves. As for my SIL and her family, she has 2 grown children who are married and on the Yishuv. I personally and not the type that likes being dependent on someone, I just like knowing that someone is there...it is more of a security thing.

I plan to start Ulpan after the Chagim, then start looking for work, or opening my own Gan. I don't have high expectations, I just want to make sure that things are good for my kids, I don't want them to have stress. They are 13 yo b/g twins, a 12 yo girl, and 10 yo b/g twins. They are all of an age that they feel the stress and disruption in their lives.