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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions
Naming after a living relative (Ashkenazi)
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amother


 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 12:48 pm
My grandmother passed away this year, and we'd like to name our next baby after her. However, DH's living grandmother has the same name. Can we still name after her? (Just as a side note, my brother had a baby girl recently, but my SIL has the same name as my grandmother, so they couldn't name after her. I would just feel awful if yet another girl was born into the family and my grandmother STILL doesn't get named after.)
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 12:51 pm
It is possible that some might say if you get the other grandmother's reshus, but I wouldn't go there. Let the name sit another generation if need be. Or use a similar name. I know two kids with a not so popular (but beautiful) name with identical stories: there was a great grandfather (of the baby) who was niftar, the zeide from the other side had the same name, so each family played around with the letters in the niftar's name.
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amother


 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 12:54 pm
Ask your LOR. We were told it is technically ok.
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amother


 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 12:55 pm
We did but called the child by a nickname.
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checkbefore




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 12:55 pm
We would not use that name.
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hadasa




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 1:02 pm
What will the living grandmother say?
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happy2beme




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 1:15 pm
We asked & were told we cannot name that name in no uncertain terms. (It was a little different, both grandfathers were from dh's side)
Another relative asked & the Rabbi said if the other zeidy lets. He said ok, but after they named the baby he was not happy!
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amother


 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 1:52 pm
My mothers fathers name was the same as my fathers name. Since we are ashkenaz, none of us named any of our children after our grandfather, but changed the name. One of my sisters married a sefardi, so they asked my father if he would mind if they named the baby after our grandfather, but he said no.
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shalhevet




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 2:33 pm
Are they exactly the same name (e.g both are/were called Sarah), or is there a different combo e.g the one who was nifteres was called Sarah Rivka, and the living one is called Sarah?
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amother


 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 2:38 pm
It's exactly the same name. Neither has a second name.
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 2:52 pm
I don't think I'd give that name.
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shnitzel




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 3:03 pm
We did something similar by accident. Gave my daughter the same name as my m-i-l and didn`t realize until after the fact. Even though it isn`t a name she is ever called by we don`t call DD by her first name which was what we were planning on using. So I definitely would not.
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shalhevet




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 3:15 pm
Maybe there's a name with a similar meaning. I know someone whose husband's mother was called Miriam and they wanted to name after her, but her second name was Miriam, so they called the baby Efrat. (I would ask a rav before doing any of this though.)
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irrationalrose




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 4:23 pm
The ashkenazi custom is specifically to name after a deceased relative, not to refrain from naming after a living relative, so it is ok from the perspective of the minhag. however, since the other grandmother may not be aware of this detail and could be offended then it would be a kavod habriyos issue and inadvisable to use the name.

side question for all - why is it so offensive to have someone named the same name as you? if your child wanted to name a baby the same name as you would you be upset? if so, why?


Last edited by irrationalrose on Wed, May 04 2011, 5:23 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Mommy3.5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 5:00 pm
I have this exact issue, and I'm married to a sefardi. We did not use the name. It's a pretty big insult to name a name o a living ashkenazi grandparent. I understand wanting to use the name, but is it really worth the pain it will cause to the other side?
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amother


 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 6:07 pm
Not only is it a huge insult to the living it may paranoi them about dying.
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irrationalrose




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 7:01 pm
amother wrote:
Not only is it a huge insult to the living it may paranoi them about dying.


what exactly is the insult? that it is a beautiful name that you want to use?
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Mommy3.5




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 9:12 pm
irrationalrose wrote:
amother wrote:
Not only is it a huge insult to the living it may paranoi them about dying.


what exactly is the insult? that it is a beautiful name that you want to use?
Because Ashkenazim only name after the already departed. some people are rather superstitious and feel your wishing them dead by doing it. It has nothing to do with the beauty of the name and everything to do with the relatives feelings, specifically grandparents and parents.
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life'sgreat




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, May 04 2011, 9:22 pm
irrationalrose wrote:
The ashkenazi custom is specifically to name after a deceased relative, not to refrain from naming after a living relative, so it is ok from the perspective of the minhag. however, since the other grandmother may not be aware of this detail and could be offended then it would be a kavod habriyos issue and inadvisable to use the name.

side question for all - why is it so offensive to have someone named the same name as you? if your child wanted to name a baby the same name as you would you be upset? if so, why?

Because it is not kavod to have a grandchild called by the same name. Many don't ever call their parents/grandparents by their first names and naming the grandchild with the same name is a living grandparent is a slight to their kavod.
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irrationalrose




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, May 05 2011, 1:11 pm
life'sgreat wrote:
irrationalrose wrote:
The ashkenazi custom is specifically to name after a deceased relative, not to refrain from naming after a living relative, so it is ok from the perspective of the minhag. however, since the other grandmother may not be aware of this detail and could be offended then it would be a kavod habriyos issue and inadvisable to use the name.

side question for all - why is it so offensive to have someone named the same name as you? if your child wanted to name a baby the same name as you would you be upset? if so, why?

Because it is not kavod to have a grandchild called by the same name. Many don't ever call their parents/grandparents by their first names and naming the grandchild with the same name is a living grandparent is a slight to their kavod.


I still really don't get this. Are you talking about a halachic issue of kibud av va'em and not calling your parents by their first names? If you say "sarahleh, come here" I don't think your mother would think you were referring to her. Would you make sure that none of your kids have friends over who may have the same name as your parents lest you accidentally call "yitzie" over for juice and risk offending the kavod of your father?
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