Those who have gone OTD and came back, what brought you back

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 9:17 am

Other than because of wanting to be more united and in sync with your family.

What/who brought you back Hashkafically? If you can offer part of your story, please do.

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 9:36 am

believe it or not...it was Shabbos. At that time I lived in an area where there were a couple of frum jews and one Shabbos I sat out on a bench in front of my house. As I sat, a few families passed me in their Shabbos attire, smiling, with children in tow, and I thought to myself (I was single at the time), I miss that feeling, I want that again. And slowly slowly I began going to shiurim again and nursed my neshama back to health. So yes, years later and married with 4 children, BH, I can say I owe my life to Shabbos! =)

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 9:42 am

I was never openly OTD, but I was OTD - eating treif, breaking Shabbos, etc.

Honestly, what brought me back was my friends. The fact that they continued to be my friends and didn't judge me, is what brought me back. They probably didn't know the extent to which I wasn't following halacha, but they had seen me with my boyfriends and wearing pants and they had a clue. Despite this, they continued to invite me for Shabbos meals and other times and never told me what to do. I didn't want to give up that connection. And then I met my husband, who also didn't judge me, though made it clear he wanted a frum (baseline frum - shabbos, kashrut, mikvah) home. At that point, I was ready to go back to my frum life.

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 9:49 am

OP here. This thread is fascinating. Thanks.

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 10:35 am

I feel totally dorky to say this. . . .but 8th Day!!!!!

I wasn't OTD. . . .but really not feeling anything at all yiddishkeit-wise. 8th Days music really spoke to me (not a Jewish music listener usually). I guess each individual has to find something that just "does it" for them!

I also found some new friends. A lot of my old friends were doing a lot of complaining. . .about the shul, about the school, etc. . . and it was really bringing me down. My new friends (no didn't drop the old ones!) love Judaism and everything that goes with it, which is a great influence on me!!!

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 11:00 am

A very special kiruv rabbi brought me back and helped me in so many ways. At the time he was a pulpit rabbi; now he is in kiruv full time. When friends tell me that they are afraid their children will go off the derech or have started to stray, I am sad to think that there aren't enough rabbis like the special one that really cared about me (and others) as an individual. The rabbis today seem so overwhelmed with problems from their "flocks" that they aren't always able to give the individual attention that is sometimes necessary to "heal the soul".

OP, thank you for asking the question. The answers were interesting.

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 2:29 pm

I left because the frum people I knew treated me horribly, including an organization that was supposed to be about kiruv. I felt very unloved by the Jewish world and didn't want to be at all like any frum person I knew.

What brought me back was a frum lady just loving me. Not ridiculing me for my questions, but sitting down and giving me answers to what was bugging me, and not calling me an apikores. In all honesty, it was the love and acceptance, way more than the answers, that brought me back.

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 3:25 pm

Not from personal experience but that of a friend: unclear about what caused the leaving, but what caused the return was the inability to find a comfortable place in nonfrum society. I guess it was either too foreign or too unaccepting, so the only place to go was back "home". Or so goes the official story. Who knows what the real truth is.

Mama Bear

Wed, May 11 2011, 3:38 pm

WOW - 8th Day OP - you should totally share that story with 8th Day.

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 4:06 pm

I wasn't officially OTD, just rapidly heading that way - I saw all the hypocracy so the meaning went out the window, also less love, acceptance and friendship than I needed. What brought me back to the right direction was a great persons death. What was seen after they passed that you can appear simple, and not one of "those" preachy hypocrites, but be so great of a person, greater than all of those people. It broke up yiddishkeit into 2 categories for me, the real and the ones who are socially jewish but pretend they are "it". I try not to let them confuse me anymore and see them for what they are - very mislead with lots of issues of their own. Then music also brought me closer once that happened. I also wasn't into jewish music , so thank goodness for the young jewish musicians who probably make the old timers cringe.

Raisin

Wed, May 11 2011, 4:10 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

WOW - 8th Day OP - you should totally share that story with 8th Day.

my dh is friends with one of them, I was thinking of sending this to him.

mummiedearest

Wed, May 11 2011, 7:11 pm

op,

what is your purpose in asking this?

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 8:22 pm

My son. I wasn't outwardly OTD but having a lot of issues and starting to not keep/do things that were not okay.
He'd come home from school so excited abt shabbos/succos/pesach/menorah ect. I found that on his level Judaism is beautiful. I missed that simpleness and realized my problem was the people around me, not Hashem.
We moved, are in a less judgmental and I feel free to live life and keep halacha as I should - not how my neighbors thought I should.
I wonder if I'll ever tell him.

tikva18

Wed, May 11 2011, 8:35 pm

Regardless of the OP's reason for posting the question; I think it was a worthwhile one and well worth listening to the replies. This may give insight into people who are off the derech and perhaps one of these answers will lead someone to help that person/s who is otd.

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 8:41 pm

Knowing that I wanted to raise frum kids (I guess I was always frum on the inside) When I met my DH I thought he was way to frum for me. Now in some ways I'm frummer.

amother

Wed, May 11 2011, 8:46 pm

amother wrote:

I found this so touching my eyes welled up a bit. I have the urge to hug a little kid right now!

mummiedearest

Thu, May 12 2011, 10:38 am

tikva18 wrote:

I understand the possible positive outcome. however, one may not halachically ask this of any baal tshuva (yes, those who have gone otd and come back are bts) and therefore I take issue with it. if op had said, "I know someone who's otd but I'm certain I can help him/her, any suggestions?" that would be fine. but this is going to turn into another thread people read because they like "inspirational stories." it has the potential to cause problems (people posting friends' stories without permission, people becoming more comfortable asking such questions when they are NOT OK.)

I respectfully ask op to share her purpose. if this is one of those "feel good" threads, I think it's inappropriate. if the op needs help with something, I'm sure plenty of people would be willing to offer tips. but a general poll of people's histories is not ok, in my book. and yes, I understand that anyone who is uncomfortable with the question will not respond. the issur on asking such questions is to prevent us from making anyone else uncomfortable.

amother

Thu, May 12 2011, 11:28 am

I don't see why someone should feel uncomfortable with this post. Either don't answer, or you can answer anonymously.

My story to sum it up is that I learned to appreciate Judaism despite all the frum people who were anything but role models in my life (I.e. mean teachers, unreasonable school principal)

amother

Thu, May 12 2011, 11:34 am

mummiedearest wrote:

tikva18 wrote:

I'm one of the amothers who posted my story above. I don't see any problem with the post, because it's not putting anyone on the spot. It's not looking face to face with someone and asking that person specifically what their story is. It is asking a general forum of people, all of whom can choose to answer or not, anonymously if they choose, whether they will share. There is no pressure and I don't see why it's a problem.

mummiedearest

Thu, May 12 2011, 12:00 pm

amother wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

tikva18 wrote:

amother, I have no problem with any of the stories posted. and I understand that the question is asked in innocence. my issue is that these types of stories are often shared publicly without making sure that everyone knows that it is not halachically permissible to ask someone a question such as this. I know people who love reading stories of baalei tshuva and have no problem approaching a new acquaintance about why s/he became frum. it is a big problem in our community. people assume that because some baalei tshuva are open about their stories, there's no problem asking ANYONE. one is not allowed to remind another jew of his/her past if it is something they may be embarrassed of. and while you may say that everyone who posted here is ok with sharing, I suspect otherwise. they all used amother. in real life, I suspect they wouldn't be comfortable answering the question. so there are two problems with the question being asked: a) one really isn't allowed to ask. b) it encourages people to ask in real life.

again, if op needs help, for herself or an acquaintance, she's free to ask for that. but I encourage everyone to ask a rav about hilchos onaas devarim before asking such questions, even on an anonymous forum.