Should you give a get-well card to someone with cancer?

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amother

Sun, Jul 10 2011, 11:24 pm

Why and/or why not?

and...

Should someone with cancer expect to get a get-well card from family members, friends, and coworkers?

seeker

Sun, Jul 10 2011, 11:42 pm

Why not indeed? It's a nice gesture. Unless you happen to know that it's a terminal diagnosis and the patient is making end of life plans and entering hospice. Then it's below tacky. But that's not generally common knowledge...

amother

Sun, Jul 10 2011, 11:48 pm

OP here.

Is it weird not to have gotten any?

It isn't necessarily something everyone know about, except for family, friends and coworkers.

I'm not typically a gift "hungry" person, I just find it odd that no one has made such a gesture...

shirachadasha

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 12:11 am

Wishing you a refua sheleima and hoping that you feel good.

ElTam

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 1:24 pm

I would probably send a thinking of you card. Dh is a survivor and doesn't like to be reminded of his illness, so I take that into account. Or, I would call.

But, I think people have a tendency to freak out and feel like they will say the wrong thing. I would not take it personally...

myself

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 2:30 pm

May G-d be with you during this difficult time. Refuah Shleima!

Isramom8

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 2:52 pm

I have never and would not think to send a refuah sheleimah card to someone with cancer. I don't know their prognosis, and a card can be silly and insensitive in a too-lighthearted way. Cards are kind of cute - get well soon, here are balloons! - and cancer is serious. I would daven, I would ask the family about the sick person.

But maybe that's all a cop out. Are you saying that the person herself might appreciate well wishes? In that case I think I'd call.

What's good to say? I heard that you weren't well and I'm sorry. How are you doing?

checkbefore

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 10:12 pm

I would not send a get well card, but I would send a thinking of you card. Cancer is a very sensitive topic for most people and people are probably not sure how to treat a cancer patient.

Liba

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 10:21 pm

I never got one. I didn't send one to my MIL either. Other gifts (a tote, a shawl, hand cream, a journal, tehillim, even balloons during hospitalizations) I have given to people dealing with cancer but never a card. I don't remember my father getting cards when he was fighting cancer either.

It isn't much of a Hallmark moment IME.

Refuah shelayma! I hope you find the support you need!!

whoami

Mon, Jul 11 2011, 10:37 pm

Never got any, didn't expect any.

amother

Tue, Jul 12 2011, 1:58 am

I have sent get well cards to a couple people diagnosed with cancer, but they were coworkers, people who I wanted to know I was thinking of them and wishing them well, but who I didn't feel close enough (or comfortable enough) calling on the phone or visiting in person.
For a real friend or family I would not send a card. I'd talk to them directly and do whatever I could for them if they needed help.

BREINDEL1

Thu, Jun 02 2016, 5:13 pm

amother wrote:

Why and/or why not?

and...

Should someone with cancer expect to get a get-well card from family members, friends, and coworkers?

Yes! Get her a card and write here a few nice words

I had cancer and letters from my husband really helped me

amother

Lavender

Thu, Jun 02 2016, 5:17 pm

amother wrote:

Why and/or why not?

and...

Should someone with cancer expect to get a get-well card from family members, friends, and coworkers?

Why on earth not? Unless the person is so far gone that only a miracle will save them and then the card might definitely feel trite and offensive despite good intentions.

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Jun 02 2016, 6:04 pm

I got cards from coworkers, but not from family or friends, instead they called, visited, checked over FB.

amother

Green

Thu, Jun 02 2016, 6:23 pm

my mother told me my vousin alwats sends her a "thinkinh of you" card. she alwats cries when she gets them, said they are really touching.
I think its a wonderful idea to send a card; whoever u r sending it too would appreciate being thoughy about. if u do a refuah shelauma card, pls remember to have tact, and write something to what abovr posters said. but I think a thinkibg of u is better...

Amarante

Thu, Jun 02 2016, 6:33 pm

What is your definition of get well card? If it's a silly one with balloons, I wouldn't.

If the person is a distant acquaintance, I would send a very personal thinking of you card - not just a card with my signature saying thinking of you.

If the person is in my immediate area, I would try to do something more. Many cancer patients need help with appointments - or babysitting - or running errands. It's a full time job being sick for many and I don't know how those without extended resources to help manage to do it -or their caretakers.

Depending on how well you know the person a visit is nice or even something that the person can do. I know it sounds frivolous, but a friend's adult daughter was diagnosed with cancer and finds it very therapeutic to use adult coloring books so people have been sending books and/or art supplies. It frees her mind and also engages nervous tension by making her use her hands. She has to spend tine in the hospital; time for the infusions of chemo and just obviously time at home.

MagentaYenta

Thu, Jun 02 2016, 6:43 pm

I never send get well cards to friends with cancer. If they are in my area I'll pitch in and help with whatever is needed for the duration. If they are out of my area, I find out what their needs are, it could be transportation or housekeeping etc, and work with their family to financially contribute to those needs.

Last edited by MagentaYenta on Thu, Jun 02 2016, 7:05 pm; edited 1 time in total

bluebird

Thu, Jun 02 2016, 6:56 pm

If you're unsure, try a "thinking of you" card as others suggested or just a blank one, and write a nice message inside. It just needs to be a few words.

asmileaday

Thu, Jun 02 2016, 8:47 pm

Fyi this thread is 5 years old. Good advice anyway. Op if you're still on here I hope you're feeling good.

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