How do you get anything done?!

seeker

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 1:27 pm

DD (8 months) has always been pretty demanding (or so it seems to one who has never raised a baby before) but things have gotten even more frustrating. First of all, she's become clingier than ever, which I've read is par for this developmental stage but extremely inconvenient, she howls when I put her down or, if not, when I leave the room. Secondly, even when she does go down to play, she's on the move now so it's not safe to turn my back on her for a second. After the floor is swept and vacuumed, she still finds something to shove in her mouth. And she gets royally insulted at being caged in a playpen. Third, it's a perspective thing, I have some time off work now and anticipated getting slightly more done with my day. I no longer leave her with a babysitter for a few hours, instead I do NOTHING but deal with the baby ALL DAY. Babysitter when not working is not financially viable for me so don't even suggest it. Neither is a cleaning lady.

I hate living in a mess but I just can't leave this baby long enough to do anything. I'm so frustrated. Never mind that I'd really like to even do something extra, either something for myself or maybe make a special dinner once in a while, or a home improvement type project. Forget it, I don't even have enough hands to fold the laundry or wash the dishes. And I have to vacuum again because the baby is finding more stuff, besides that she dumped crumbs and stuff on the floor herself.

Wah. Sad

chocolate chips

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 1:39 pm

yeh join my club!
My baby is 3 months old and I am also going nuts. I dont work so I am home the whole day with him. I leave the room and he starts screaming after 3minutes. He refuses to fall asleep until he is so overtired he screams himself to sleep
the joys of having a baby.
But KAH he is sooo cute, he smiles, he coos, hes yummy!!! bh he is otherwise so good he sleeps through the night pu pu pu he eats good he is healthy.
THink of the positive to get you through the negatives Very Happy

seeker

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 1:46 pm

Yeah BH my baby is adorable. But I used to be the high-powered type of girl and I just get depressed seeing how little I accomplish. I know taking care of the baby is an accomplishment but I'm talking ALL DAY LONG not getting anything else done including dirty dishes, heaps of laundry, messy floors, and nothing interesting to eat. It's not even 2PM yet and I can just tell it's gonna be another one of those days.

BH DH is in kollel and he spends Friday afternoon home so I can make Shabbos and feel like I've actually done something, but I still feel incompetent for needing him to do that.

Man I can't wait to get back to work. The working mom schedule is a pain in the neck and I was always feeling bad about not spending enough time with the baby but getting out for a few hours and doing something in the world really keeps me sane.

I'm not even going to waste time feeling guilty for not being a good full-time mom. I just have to accept my personality and deal with it. We'll all be happier when I get back to work. Meanwhile though.... grrrr.... baby sleeping on me now, I should get something done, but if I put her down she'll wake up much faster and not be in such a good mood as she is after a longer nap. Maybe if I let her sleep then she'll play on the floor for a few minutes while I put away the laundry...

atlastamom

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 1:53 pm

If it's any consolation, I have been holding dd for 7 months straight (except for brief breaks when I need to run to the bathroom and she screams!). She is getting a little bit better now, but she is high maintenance. It has nothing to do with the # child, it's just a personality, this is my 3rd kid. Although, none of my babies were very easy...
Of course I love my kids more than anything in the world, but we are still allowed to complain a little...!

seeker

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 1:56 pm

You mean you put down your baby to use the bathroom? How very neglectful.

OK OK KIDDING!!! Sorry. But I just bring DD with me to the WC. She's happier and about as safe as possible - true, bathroom isn't the greatest place for a baby but at least there I can keep an eye on her. I have a little stash of "bathroom toys" that are easy to wash/disinfect. Siiiigh.

Venting is a little therapeutic. If people are willing to let you get your kvetch out, then you can get back to the business of enjoying your little blessings.

MaBelleVie

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 2:01 pm

Seeker, you are SO NORMAL! Yes, there are some people who have easy babies and they really don't interfere much with their lives. Then there are the rest of us, whose kids completely consume our time and energy every second until they become at least partially independent creatures. You get through it day by day, and if you are planning on going back to work, that may help you deal with some of the frustration.

Some mothers dread toddlerhood, but for me it was a blessing. My ds is still clingy and still demanding and still intense, but he knows how to entertain himself for short periods, he knows how to communicate, and you can reason with him at least a little. I really had a hard time with him as an infant, but he becomes more independent and easier to love every day. I hope the same for you. Hang in there!

amother

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 4:14 pm

DD is 2 months old and will only sleep when we hold her, usually after 30 minutes of dad putting her to sleep (rocking, music, shushing, swaddling.) She hates the car seat (and we're suburban snap n goers), dislikes the cosleeper, and now doesn't like it when we wear her in a sling/carrier.

Everyone tells me that it gets easier. But it sounds like it might just be this way for a while...
Right now DH is at home and so am I. We have family helping us out with cooking, and someone comes in to help with cleaning and tiding.
But soon DH will be working full time and our family won't be around to help. I don't know how we'll eat or sleep or function.

Baruch Hashem she's healthy and I love her to pieces, but how do people manage??? I see women with 5 and 6 children and I just don't know how they do it.

Does it get easier?/

seeker

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 4:22 pm

Amother, sounds like you have one of our really challenging kids. You need to accept that until things settle down, you're just not going to have that picture perfect life that other people seem to have (whether it's for real or not I can't tell you, I also don't have one!)

Eat sandwiches and cold cereal when you have to and don't guilt yourself about it, they're nutritious enough. Can you afford cleaning help?

I think it does get easier, but for those of us with demanding babies, it doesn't get that much easier and it doesn't happen quickly either. Hopefully though when your baby is able to move around more, maybe she'll be happier when not held. That's what happened with us, she still needs tons of holding when tired or sleeping but otherwise the more mobile she gets, the more she's able to entertain herself. Though obviously she needs at least as much watching now that she can just creep off across the room with your back turned!

hop613

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 5:54 pm

I am home with my 6 month old and I can really relate to your post. I really wonder sometimes WHAT I have been doing all day. If I get some time to myself, I really just need those few minutes to get my head together.

I really rely a lot on my husband. He gets home at 530, and watches the baby till bedtime. In that short time, I try to tidy up a bit and clean up enough to keep my sanity. DH has been on dish duty for a while, laundry gets done in single loads here and there, and we eat very simple dinners.

acccdac

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 6:48 pm

I always tell new mothers, other than taking care of your baby, eating hopefully 3 meals a day, using the restroom a few time, and taking a shower, you can put 1 more thing on your to do list.

that can be to walk to the cleaners and drop it off or pick it up.

THATS IT!

if you expect to do more than that you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

Taking care of a baby is a full time job. So dont expect to have a part time job at the same time, it's not really possible unless your are running yourself dry.

seeker

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 6:53 pm

And how long do you consider them "new mothers" who shouldn't be doing anything else?

Sorry, acccdac, I think you're being unrealistic. How long do you think anyone's mental health can hold out without the housework getting done? Oh, and I only get to shower when DH takes care of the baby and there's nothing more urgent to do (sleep wins pretty often, after restroom and brushing teeth)

honeygold

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 7:01 pm

I have the same issue, my baby is 7 months old and she wants me to hold her all the time. The only way I get things done is A. I let her cry B. I sent her to my parents C. when she's sleeping. Also she crawls so she comes to me and I sometimes step on her fingers by mistake. Now she also started standing up holding on so she holds onto my skirt and if I move than she falls. Good Luck Op I feel with u

chocolate chips

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 7:47 pm

My baby just fell asleep in my hands. I tried to put him in his crib but he wasnt having any of tht. hes so ovrtired coz today he only apped on me! so of course I got nothing don n if I so much as breathd too deep he woke up "sigh!!"
atleast hes asleep for night now iyh but im ready to go for the night too !!!
oooohhh hes so cute too hard to be angry at him lol.

buzz

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 7:54 pm

I feel bad for all of you, I really do.

It was weird, for the first time, by my third, one day I felt like I couldn't do anything coz she was only happy if I held her - it was a novel experience, I B"H never had that before - EVER.

In my experience there is always something to distract a baby with, on busy friday afternoons, I put my dd in the stroller and wheel her around as I clean the house and she can see me and is happy to play for a while. Use a jolly jumper - those are good for a child from 6-12 months!

My babies are very on routine for sleeping - maybe the baby needs a routine? It's true some babies sleep less but they do need sleep, at least twice a day till a yr if not longer!

I'm sorry I can't offer advice but I do feel sympathy as I am one of those women that just do everything with a baby and a toddler and a pre schooler and can't imagine being tied down.

seeker

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 8:14 pm

chocolate chips, I had one of those days today too! She had one good nap on me but during the second nap I just had to go to the bathroom so badly and she woke up when I got up. And then she was tired and crabby. Gr. Maybe we'll have another nap now. She's never in for the night until close to midnight at least.

It's not always this bad. Usually after a nap, however short, she's in a better mood and willing to play for a bit so I can half-focus on something else.

jemappelle

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 8:34 pm

to the mother's with the smaller infants that can't get anything done: I suggest purchasing a good baby carrier (baby bjorn type etc rather than the cheaper snuggli) - you'd be surprised how much you can do while wearing the baby. the baby is cozy [and sometimes even falls asleep from the motion] and although it can be more tiresome to your back (hence the more expensive ones are worth the investment) its worth it for those of you who need to get things done...particularly if this isnt your first child and the rest of the family needs you! I found it particularly useful in the 'rush' times such as getting everyone ready for school in the morning etc when time is of the essence and I need to get to work as well...
Hatzlacha Raba!