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-> Judaism
jewishwoman
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 Mon, Aug 08 2011, 6:40 am
We've been invited to eat at a distant cousins house who keeps saying she keeps kosher and will use only the hechsherim we say, but we still don't feel comfortable eating there. She is the type of woman who finds it difficult to conceptualize that someone wouldn't eat at her house..
How do we nicely put that we won't eat there?
Thanks in advance!
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MiracleMama
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Mon, Aug 08 2011, 8:04 am
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Are they shomer shabbos? If not simply say you cannot eat by anyone who is not shomer shabbos, nothing personal. And invite them to you instead.
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ElTam
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Mon, Aug 08 2011, 10:57 am
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Same advice as I said in another thread. Ask a rav. How would you feel if someone said your house wasn't good enough to eat in. Unless you our rav says no, you run the risk of doing serious ona'as devarim and hurting shalom bayis for not a good reason. The rav should be able to provide you with the right words to say IF he says you can't eat there.
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Ruchel
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Mon, Aug 08 2011, 11:03 am
This can be extremely hurtful to someone kosher but not shomer shabbes. I have even a couple of acquaintances with a glatt house but they are not shomer shabbes. I have a couple of acquaintances who are shomer shabbat but their kashrus is "interesting.
You can say your rav expects you to "list of stuff and hechsherim she will not keep", and you do not want to burden her with that. Mentshlish, showing concern, and realistic.
Now, for family, some poskim hold if it's kosher even by all the kulos, you shut up and you eat, especially closer family. I have in mind rav Ron Chaya on parents.
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MaBelleVie
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Mon, Aug 08 2011, 11:24 am
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"Oh, I would feel so bad for you to do all that work to have us over. You know, we so appreciate having you in the family. We would love to treat you to a meal at a restaurant one of these days. Is there an evening this week you would be available to meet us?"
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ElTam
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Mon, Aug 08 2011, 11:51 am
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You didn't say why in your original post you won't eat there. Can you elaborate?
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