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My Daughter is Overweight!



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amother


 

Post Wed, Aug 10 2011, 8:14 pm
I love my daughter dearly and I would love to help her, I'm just not sure how! She is going into 5th grade and she weighs 100 lbs. I'm overweight and it's in mine and my husbands families a lot! Now that school's going to be starting again, I don't know what to do to control her weight. I don't want her to stand out with healthy snacks when unfortunately everyone has chips etc. but I want her to be healthy. I tried giving her a dollar per week last year for every week that she takes healthy snacks (except one unhealthy snack per week). It worked for a while, but eventually she just couldn't handle it. Also, she only likes unhealthy foods. On Shabbos she only likes the fattening meats anddishes. From the cholent she only eats potatoes, from cold cuts she refuses turkey, etc. I want to help her, but it's very hard especially sinc I'm not the best model for her. Any ideas on how to train her to like the healthy foods and good snacks to send to school?
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rachelbg




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 10 2011, 8:22 pm
How about being a positive role model? Making 'eating healthy' as opposed to 'losing weight' the focus, and making it a family project would make her feel less awkward about being the only one doing it, and it would give the rest of the family a healthy new start as well.

Start buying the right foods that everyone will eat together. This way she won't be able to 'pick the unhealthy foods' since they won't be there. Make a family goal. Set family reward systems. Even at 5th grade your daughter should be able to understand a greater family project and go with it to school each day if she knows that she is working toward a greater goal.

Start a family exercise progam, or enroll her in a fun dance class to help her move around more. Make walking dates with her so you could both spend time with each other as well as be active.

Maybe a good family incentive could be a special trip? Or a special toy or piece of technology for the home?

Whatever you chose to do should be family oriented, as well as exciting for your daughter. She will feel so accomplished if it is successful.

B'Hatzlacha!
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Grandmama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 10 2011, 8:24 pm
I think that one of the reasons we have children, is to improve ourselves.
If only we could tell them, do as I say, and not as I do.

Its really in your hands, totally.

The food you serve should be nutritious and delicious. Emphasis should be on good food, healthy food, and not on weight loss. If no junk is around, she will lose that weight.

Maybe you would benefit by working with a nutritionist. If you educate yourself and your daughter and begin to eat well, you will all be healthier, the weight will be lost by what you do on a daily basis.
Perhaps you could do more activities as a family as well to help the weight loss effort.

Children go through an awful lot (even if they are not overweight) in school, adding that can make their school years truly miserable.

I would first totally educate myself how to eat properly, and then teach that to my children by example. Its the only way to do it, with lasting effects.
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cutemother




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 10 2011, 8:28 pm
I find the best approach to is to be a good example yourself! try to keep junk foods out of the house! When I sit down to eat a bag of baby carrots or fruits and vegtables all my kids want some! We can't expect our kids to eat healhy if we ourselves don't! as far as sending healthy snacks to school, more and more people are going the healthy route and send healthy snacks to school! she won't be the only one! there are lots of delicious healthy snacks! unsweetened apple sauce, fruits, carrots and chumus... If you find she likes a specific unhealthy kind of food try to keep it out of the house! I stopped making tons of salads on shabbos! no more pasta and potato salad..instead I make cucumber salad, tossed salad, tomatoe avacado hearts of palm salad! my salads are basically different varieties of veggies...good luck!
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 10 2011, 8:40 pm
Right.

It is said that people who start a meal with soup lose weight.

People don't feel full immediately; it takes the brain a few minutes to feel it. The soup starts that, and is mostly water anyway, and is fun psychologically. Reads as a course, a dish, an esthetic experience. Fills you up.

Nobody in your house should ever see a piece of chicken skin. Discard it in the kitchen, along with the chicken's tail.

Teach your daughter to like the taste of vinegar and lemon juice. Teach her to like Sefardi cooking.

She needs some excitement, and the fatty stuff is the only excitement.

Use spices instead: get some cumin, ginger, turmeric, chili mixture, bottled lemon juice, garlic, black pepper.

With no weight loss agenda, make a hobby of learning Sefardi and Japanese dishes.

Take her to lunch at restaurants that serve these tastes first, so she sees it as a special thing, not a weird plot against her. Do not even mention weight loss at all. Act all fascinated by these other cultures, and love the interesting food; share dishes with her and be all amazed. Then, slowly have the bright idea that we could make some of this at home sometimes. I wonder what's in it? Get a couple of cookbooks and take her shopping in exotic food stores.

Even invite her friends over to have some of it, eventually.

Try to go for walks with her.

I would never mention weight, or fat again, not ever again, not once. Words mean nothing and only hurt.

Make quite sure she has gorgeous adorable clothes, including robes and nightgowns, and her hair is very nice.
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amother


 

Post Wed, Aug 10 2011, 9:10 pm
OP here: thanks for all of your suggestions!
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 10 2011, 9:27 pm
I agree with the general consensus on this thread. Becoming a mother was a huge catalyst for me in establishing a healthier mindset in our home. I feel strongly about my child eating healthy food, and that's enough for me to overcome my own desire to eat junk. We no longer buy baked goods, candies, chips or unhealthy processed goods on a regular basis. I learned to enjoy fresh fruits and vegetables, and to cook delicious healthier foods. We mostly drink water or seltzer, because that's all I really want my child to have. So yes, its up to you to set the tone for your family. Even if she brings less healthy snack to school- tortilla chips, for example- if you offset it by a healthy lifestyle overall, she will still come out ahead. Stay strong! You're doing a great thing!
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Grandmama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 10 2011, 9:45 pm
I agree with telling her you love her, and that she is beautiful, and buying her beautiful clothes that fit well and make her look her best. Also try to find and point out her talents and strong points on a regular basis, and don't discuss weight. Tell her how bright and creative she is, and keep on complimenting her for everything she does, in a specific way. Consistently grow her self esteem so that she feels great about her self and stands tall. Also teach her how to hold her stomach in and stand straight. Posture is very important.
Try not to let her feel deprived by having sugar free ices and other calorie free foods in the house to snack on. You will have to work together with her, without making it so obvious, as to what she enjoys.
I assure you she will be very happy to grow taller while not gaining weight. This can be done. The older she gets the more she will care enough to put the right food into her mouth.

Just to give you chizuk, I know plenty of chubby kids who later on became thin and stayed thin as adults.
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ElTam




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 10 2011, 10:50 pm
I think that it is great that you want your daughter to be healthy, but you should also want to be healthy so you can be around to worry about your daughter ad meah v'esrim!

Why make it hard for her. Get only healthier cold cuts. They make many kinds of turkey, plus turkey pastrami, etc.

Switch out the potatoes in the cholent for sweet potatoes. Much healthier.

It sounds like you have already been creative about helping her, so I am sure you can make the menus at home healthier and still appetizing. If you want to lose weight yourself, maybe look at joining Weight Watchers. They have lots of ideas about changing up your diet so you don't feel deprived but aren't loading up on calories.

On the school thing, what about healthier nosh? Target carries a lot of organic snack foods that are pretty healthy, low in fat, etc. Lots with good hescherim. They have awesome fruit leathers that are real fruit, not junk and chemicals. If you have a Whole Foods or Trader Joe's near you you should also be able to find some good options with reliable hechsherim on them. So then she could have snack that doesn't make her feel like she stands out (which is so hard for kids), but is still good for her and not loaded with calories.

If there are things she can't resist, don't have them in the house. Just stop buying it and don't talk about it. (You'll probably have to discuss with DH in advance.) If it comes up, you can just say, "We all need to be eating healthier, so we are making some changes. Why make it hard for her? It will be good for you and the rest of the family as well, especially since you say this issue runs in the family.

Another good idea is to get her into some exercise. I don't know your schedule, but if you could make 20 minutes to walk with her, just around the neighborhood, it woudl be great for boosting her metabolism, burning calories and it would be special time for the two of you.

You can totally do this!
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FranticFrummie




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2011, 12:28 am
So much excellent advice here, I wish I could "quote" all of it!

The first thing you have to do, before you even set foot in a grocery store, is to believe in YOURSELF. You have to believe that you are capable of doing this. Not just your daughter, but your whole family is depending on you for their health. I think that food is the most emotionally laden issue in our lives. It's the building blocks of our bodies, and what we choose can make us or break us.

Think of yourself as a doctor, and you're trying to find the right prescription. If you know something is unhealthy, don't get it! YOU are the adult in charge of the food. Try a few weeks of healthier shopping, cooking and packing lunches. If your daughter balks at that, take her with you next time you shop, and while you go up and down the aisles talk about making healthy food choices. Don't ever talk in terms of "calories, fattening, etc." just make it about good choices. One thing that helps is to discuss portions of starch, protein and vegetable. Two different, brightly colored vegetables, one portion of protein (meat, tofu, whatever) and one small portion of starch (brown rice or whole wheat pasta - and for this discussion, a potato is not a veg, its' a starch!). Ask her to help you come up with some creative, tasty ideas. Spend some extra time with her by cooking together.

Once you cross that hurdle, you can have a "Family Challenge". See if you can go a whole week without eating or drinking anything that comes out of a box or a can. Think about it. It's harder than you'd imagine, but the creativity could make it a great project for everyone to work on! You could even work it into a little history lesson about how our ancestors lived.

My daughter used to complain about having "healthy lunches" and said that the other kids teased her. I asked her what the other kids brought to school, and she said "Bamba, chips, candy, soda, bagels..." I asked her how the kids behaved after lunch, and she said that half of them go crazy, and the other half fall asleep! I explained to her how important it was to have good food, because nutrition helps your brain work better and helps you behave in class. In her 8 year old wisdom, she looked at me and said "But mama, why are all the other moms so lazy? Don't they want their kids to have good food?"

Don't get me wrong, she's a normal kid. She still begs for junk, still wants to live on bread and chips, and is an incredibly picky eater. The think is though, she understands the underlying concept, and will happily eat a plate of baked salmon and freshly steamed broccoli, if she can have an (organic cane sugar, no artificial colors) lollipop for dessert. Very Happy
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2011, 7:59 am
You have a lot of great advice here.

My sister was always overweight, like my bubby, and dd was chubby. I just figured it was in the genes and lived my life accordingly; healthy snacks, encouraged activity, etc.

My daughter grew out of it, but healthy habits are for life, no matter your size. Focus on health rather than weight and size. It will all come into place.

What does your dr say ?
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Barbara




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2011, 8:15 am
amother wrote:
I love my daughter dearly and I would love to help her, I'm just not sure how! She is going into 5th grade and she weighs 100 lbs. I'm overweight and it's in mine and my husbands families a lot! Now that school's going to be starting again, I don't know what to do to control her weight. I don't want her to stand out with healthy snacks when unfortunately everyone has chips etc. but I want her to be healthy. I tried giving her a dollar per week last year for every week that she takes healthy snacks (except one unhealthy snack per week). It worked for a while, but eventually she just couldn't handle it. Also, she only likes unhealthy foods. On Shabbos she only likes the fattening meats anddishes. From the cholent she only eats potatoes, from cold cuts she refuses turkey, etc. I want to help her, but it's very hard especially sinc I'm not the best model for her. Any ideas on how to train her to like the healthy foods and good snacks to send to school?


Without knowing how tall your daughter is, I cannot tell if she's actually overweight or not.

At age 10, and at her weight, the goal should probably be weight maintenance, not weight loss. She's heading into adolescence, and will grow into the weight.

First things first. Is she active? Schools have cut gym programs. Too many frum communities frown upon exercise. Our lives are much easier than in past generations, with cars and appliances and etc. So make sure that she gets exercise. In fact, make sure the whole family does. While the weather is nice, how about mom-daughter walks after dinner. A dance class. Biking. Zumba. Family hikes on the weekend.

Make meals for everyone more healthful. If you serve deli, make it lean meats with whole grain breads. Cholent can be made with lean stew beef, making it a relatively healthful and relatively low calorie meal. Potatoes aren't bad per se, but she needs protein as well.

Snacks should become less of a problem, as girls her age will start to be concerned with weight and will eat less junk. Portion control is key. I know that the portion controlled 100 calorie snacks are expensive, but they do help with that. Bake whole grain healthful muffins for a snack. Or make a yogurt parfait with fat free greek yogurt, fresh fruit, and a bit of Fiber One cereal.

And do tell her that she's beautiful. I'm sure she is.
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CatLady




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2011, 8:18 am
The "stealth" way to get your DD focused on fitness is to buy some fun games for the wii, like Dance Dance Revolution or Zumba. Once she's more active, you can push rehydrating (water, Crystal Light) as opposed to snacking. Before she knows it, she'll be fitter, trimmer and everything will fall into place without you having to put her on a "diet".

If she likes to cook, she can help you make fruit salad, or sushi, or a crudite platter. Fat-free Ranch dressing or salsa makes a good dip (sometimes I mix salsa and FF mayo for a creamy dressing). And instead of cold cuts of any kind, the healthiest thing is to buy a turkey breast or small roast of beef, cook it, slice it as thin as you can and portion into bags. The meat can be frozen and pulled out as needed, which also saves time. Really, nobody needs all that extra sodium used in processing over and above the koshering process.

Edited because Barbara's last line is the most important message any person can receive!
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smiledr




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2011, 3:15 pm
Checkout trader joes. They have great snacks fhat r healthy.also try edamame w a little sea salt its a healthy snack and its fun to eat if u cook them in the shells. I try to buy individual snacks instead of big bags if I can so there isalways portion control. Maybe u can sign ur dayghter hp for gymnastics or evena simcha dancing classso she can b active but have fun too.good luck.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2011, 3:21 pm
OP here: Thanks so much for all the replies!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I'm ready to stand up to the challenge next time I go shopping. I like the way a lot of you put it. I always tell her how beautiful she is, and she goes to gymnastics and swimming every week year round. Thanks again for all the suggestions!
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Aug 11 2011, 4:31 pm
When I make myself a large tomato and cucumber salad with a little low fat feta cheese and salad dressing, it's so gorgeous that my 12 year old dd asks for the same.

When I exercise, my kids want to join in the action.
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dmum




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 12 2011, 2:05 am
I can't believe schools let kids bring that kind of stuff!
Here ALL the schools, including the very frum and chareidi ones, have healthy eating policies.
First snack: ONLY fruit or veg, dried fruit also ok, only water to drink
Lunch: Sandwich with healthy filling (they have a list of suggested items), no chocolate, no nush, yogurts and applesauces ok, cheeses ok, 1 packet of plain (non flavoured) chips ok. Juice okay. No squash or artificially sweetened drinks.
Second snack: "Mezonos snack" - only plain crackers, breadsticks, rice cakes, pretzels or tea biscuits allowed, plus another fruit/dried fruit if wanted.

NO chocolate, fizzy drinks, nush, sweets, cakes at any time.

And they are strict about it! There is no peer pressure to bring junk to school. On Rosh Chodesh they are allowed 1 packet of flavoured crisps or 1 packet of bissli instead of fruit snack. That's it.
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Health is a Virture




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 12 2011, 2:19 am
promote lots of activity. family tirps should be about bike riding, hiking climbing, etc. always have prepared cut up vegetables with techina or chumus (yes they are fattening, but they are healthy fats, no empty calories, and filling) have a no juice and soda policy during the week for the whole family, only water!!!
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happyone




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 12 2011, 4:01 am
I can totally relate. My daughter is extremely overweight. I've done the months of preparing snacks and school lunches, I've done the nutritionist route, excersize, and LOTS more... What I learned was I was not in control and that as much as I'll prepare at home, she will eat as she pleases when I'm out of sight of when she's not home..
Currently, I too, am at a loss. All I daven is that she have the willingness to lose weight on her own. And my place is to have healthy food available and be supportive to her.
Good luck!
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Isramom8




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Aug 12 2011, 6:35 am
The key may be her wanting to lose weight. If she doesn't want to, then she will sneak food.

If she does want to, why not treat her as an adult and explain that to maintain her weight, she needs xxxx number of calories. More than that she gains, and fewer than that, she loses. You can reserach how many calories she needs online.

Then she needs to know how many calories are in foods.

Then she needs to do the math.

You can help her get started, and it can be a project. But if she is oppositional, it won't help.

Don't nag, but do offer to explain.
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