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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Is it rude to refuse someone a ride, when....?



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Esther01




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 25 2006, 5:21 pm
We have a wedding tonight (an hour ride).some one called me if I have room in my car for her teenage daughter. I told her I'll discuss it with dh to see if it can work out.
I said it to stall time in answering. this is my dilemma. an hour ride with dh doesn't happen very often. I just feel like I want to spent the quiet time, with dh... but maybe I'm being selfish...

opinions please
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morningstar




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 25 2006, 5:26 pm
Try putting yourself in her shoes when making your decision.If you were looking for a ride for your teenage daughter, how would you feel?
Would you hope that someone would extend themselves and take her even though having another person along is always an imposition on one's privacy?
Or would you rather that your daughter miss the wedding ( or find another alternative) rather than disturb the precious time that a husband and wife have together?

Treat others as you would want to be treated. If you are the type who would bend over backwards to respect privacy, then apologize but say it won't work out. If on the other hand you appreciate others going out of their way for you, today you have the opportunity to do the same.


Last edited by morningstar on Wed, Oct 25 2006, 5:33 pm; edited 1 time in total
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 25 2006, 5:30 pm
To help her would be helping her to do a mitzvah, but to get alone time with your husband which can help shalom bayis.

Maybe you could say that since you aren't exactly sure of your schedule, that she should try to find another ride, and to call you if it doesn't work out and you'll do it.
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morningstar




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 25 2006, 5:36 pm
Esther, how hard is it for your friend to find another ride to the wedding for her daughter?
Are there other safe alternatives easily available?
That should be a factor in your decision as well.
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Buddy




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 25 2006, 5:37 pm
I would tell her that I'm not sure if it'll work out so she should call back if she doesn't find a/one else.

s/ one once 'offered' me a ride home from work. The couple was on the way home from the hospital after the wife had given birth a day earlier. It was erev yom tov & the baby had to remain in the hospital. I don't understand why they offered, I would've felt much more comfortable if I went home by bus....
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chedva




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 25 2006, 6:06 pm
Can you give her a ride one of the ways?
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Oct 25 2006, 7:49 pm
Tough call, but maybe she'll get a "better" ride home, how comfortable do you think she'll be with a couple?

Perhaps she'll find a way back with someone with kids.
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Esther01




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Oct 26 2006, 9:50 am
thanks all for your replies. I didn't get to post last night cuz we were running late as usual. I called her back a little later and asked her if she found another ride. her daughter was taking the bus to the wedding and returning with us ( the way home I didn't mind since I was also taking home my sister) but at least we got a nice ride in. B'H it all worked out well. ( and had a great time at the wedding)
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shanie5




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 07 2006, 1:37 pm
my dh and I went to ny on sunday. a friend called and said "I hear you are going to ny" I answered "yes, its just me and dh and I would prefer that it be just us"
she called me back later and commended me for my honesty, cuz she feels that way too sometimes. and others take the passenger but secretly fume at the intrusion.
tonite we have a wedding in monsey and said yes to the requested rides.
there is nothing wrong with saying no to someone so that u can spend one on one time with dh.
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raizy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Nov 09 2006, 11:50 pm
I did that once to a lady, she backed off .but we still felt embrassed. she wanted a ride home. and we looked at each other. bc we didnt want to go home yet .w e wanted to ride around first etc. but if it happens again I would first take the person home and then ride around. if it is close enough.poor lady!! all she wanted was a ride home.
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