Where's the Bacon? (co-worker's snide BT remark)

chocolate moose

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 2:33 pm

I was opening a salad dressing and implored upon a coworker to borrow his scissors; he noticed the dressing was a (fake) bacon type, and said something like.......

"How do you know if it tastes like bacon? Oh, I guess I shouldn't ask you that!"

AS IF !!!!!!!

As if, just because I wasn't raised Modern Orthodox like him, I didn't know enough not to eat real treif!!!

Come on!

Flowerchild

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 2:37 pm

why do you take everything so to heart? laugh it off big deal, who cares, just say nothing and smile or say oh yeah, do you know what it tastes like?

chocolate moose

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 2:51 pm

I don't know, Lilly................I just don't think I can do that!

shalhevet

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 2:53 pm

He was oveir on the Torah prohibition of ona'as devarim. It is assur to remind someone of their past sins which they have done teshuva for.

If someone is silent when insulted he is zoche to great things.

chocolate moose

Thu, Oct 26 2006, 3:17 pm

I takeh just fled his office; saying, I'll use my own scissors. I didn't answer him back....maybe he thinks I take DID eat bacon. Oh, well.

Imhappy!

Mon, Oct 30 2006, 12:36 pm

let him think.... !

as mommyof6 wrote: "If someone is silent when insulted he is zoche to great things" !!!

chen

Mon, Oct 30 2006, 1:43 pm

SaraG wrote:

....maybe he thinks I take DID eat bacon. Oh, well.

and if he does? so what? you and your Father in Heaven know the truth, whatever it is, and your coworker's conjecture is of no consequence. On the contrary, how great a thing it is for someone who was brought up eating tref to give it up! I am told by those who would know that the taste of certain tref foods has no equal in the kosher world, and giving it up is very, very hard.

chocolate moose

Mon, Oct 30 2006, 5:24 pm

really....okay..........

Mommamia

Mon, Oct 30 2006, 10:20 pm

sounds to me he wasnt insulting you but he was joking. lots of people jhave that kinda sense of humor

chocolate moose

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:06 am

It's insulting and not funny.

Flowerchild

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:10 am

it was not insulting you just think that everyone around you is either mean to you or trying to insult you. youll give yourself an ulsur god forbid for taking everything so personally.

you know he said it and moved on and probably doesnt even remember and you meanwhile still stuck on it. really move on

chocolate moose

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:18 am

Lily, that is not true. Take it back.

Flowerchild

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 11:42 am

which part is not true? and are u serious?

JRKmommy

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 11:44 am

SaraG - I can relate in an odd way, to being very sensitive and taking things in a very personal way.

After my miscarriages, particularly after the first, I was feeling a great deal of (irrational) guilt and my emotions went totally haywire. Here are some examples of things that really bothered me:

#1 - a friend who knew about the loss invited us to dinner a few months later, along with another couple who was expecting. They spent much of the evening talking about baby things. On the way out the door, the husband (not frum) patted my stomach and said "how's the project going?" I bolted out and burst into tears 10 sec. later.

[Not very sensitive of them, but the rational part of me knows that they meant well. We were also friends with the other couple. They didn't know that my emotions would still be so raw after a few months.]

#2 - I went to a bridal shower with my MIL, a few weeks before what would have been my due date, when I was 2 mo preg. I got a bit depressed after seeing a girl who looked like she was about 8 mo preg. I started dancing with the women to take my mind off of that, and my MIL starts saying, "oh, you should be sitting and resting." In my state of mind at the time, I immediately assumed that she thought that I'd trigger another miscarriage just by dancing, and maybe even thought that I was responsible for the first miscarriage.

[In reality, she's a very nice lady who would never think badly of me - she just fusses like a Jewish mother and thinks that preg ladies need to rest.]

#3 - the secretary for our insurance agent called shortly after what would have been our due date, even though we had told the agent himself about the miscarriage. She said, "well, I understand you have a new baby." We told her we didn't, in a curt and icy tone of voice. She then said, "...but my records say..." Again, in my irrational state of mind, I felt like I was being "accused" of not producing a baby when one was clearly expected.

[In reality, she was just a clerk doing her job, who was basically talking to herself after getting an unexpected response.]

You get the idea. You can't always help your own emotional reactions to "hot-bottom" issues - but sometimes, you can remind yourself that the other person may not have intended something so hurtful. You walk away at the moment, and resolve to promote sensitivity toward others in general in the future.

Ruchel

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 2:44 pm

Sara, some people make that kind of jokes not only to Bts/gerim but also to more modern Jews (even when they know for sure the person has never done it). They just think it's cute, I don't know why. Don't take it to heart, but why not tell the guy that you didn't appreciate? It could make you feel better.

Next time, make him feel silly by going into a whole lesson about fake stuff. Basically, as far as I know, "good" fake tastes like real (cheese, shrimp, crab, bacon...) but less strong. I know people who prefer fake because of that (I can understand as a fake cheeseburger is already rather strong, can't imagine it with real cheese!!). Kosher meat is also supposed to have less taste when it's natural, without sauce or dressing, unless you go to a really meat restaurant like El gaucho in Jerusalem. The person who told me that used to eat non kosher, then switched to kosher, tried non kosher meat again a few years after and almost threw up because the meat was just too tasty (in an overwhelming way).

Or just tell him you made it taste by non Jews, every time my non Jewish friends see me with "Jewish food" they want to taste LOL

Also, you shouldn't make yourself sick with such comments, just answer when it happens and then forget it! (easier said than done, I know)

HooRYou

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 3:45 am

The real truth is that a lot of people not only joke about BTs or people who come from weaker backgrounds but also really do look down on them. They can have a much harder time getting their children into school, in shiduchim, etc. Of course in this kind of environment a person who is aware of the prejudice would feel that these kinds of jokes aren't funny.

Ribbie Danzinger

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 4:23 am

SaraG, does he even KNOW that you're BT?

He probably looks at you how you are now, head covered, tznius and all and thought that he shouldn't be joking around asking if you know if it tastes like real bacon and his "I shouldn't be asking you that" was probably an apology, not an insult.

Some people just have different ways of thinking to us and yes, it is sometimes difficult to tune into their wavelength.

Ribbie Danzinger

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 6:09 am

And if you are looking for a prime example of how to treat people with dignity Salut

, even when they REALLY are stupid Rolling Eyes

(and nobody here is stupid at all Queen

), please see Motek's 9th joke on this page:

http://imamother.com/forum/vie.....13d04

Rolling Laughter

It's hilarious, but it certainly proves the point! LOL