Does who you resemble matter?

Motek

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:07 pm

You know how when a baby is born, people give their opinions as to who he/she looks like? Same as the kid grows older.

Now, as my mother says: it really doesn't matter! But people like to do it. Maybe because they have nothing else to say ...

This came to mind as I read Rashi who says that Lot resembled Avrohom. And I thought about the Rashi which says that Yosef resembled Yaakov. And I thought - hmmm, if we are given this information, then it must be important.

So what's the significance in resembling someone?

carrot

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 9:18 pm

Proves the kid's related, I guess. Just like in Rashi.

Meaning (since hopefully the actual genetic lineage is not really in question): It's a way of establishing a relationship with someone that you really don't know and all you know about them is their surface appearance, so you comment on that. You don't know the kid yet!

yoyosma

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:04 pm

It's interesting that you bring this up. Both my daughters are such mixes of my looks and my husbands, yet you cant even pinpoint us, because they look like our siblings as well.
Both families make these claims that she looks like the other family or what not, I just say they look like themselves! Does it really matter? They are both beautiful, BH, I dont mind taking credit!

HealthCoach

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:14 pm

I learned not to pay much attention to these things. From my experience, most people that make a comment about who a kid looks like don't give it much thought. Sometimes they are wrong, and sometimes there is a child that has characteristics of each parent. I'm sure who the child looks like is significant, but I like to think that a child gets traits from each parent, and looks is only one of them.

amother

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:15 pm

Not long ago, while eating out by neighbors for Shabbos, the hostess said, " Your baby is gorgoues, really pretty...who does he look like? Not like you OR your husband..."
I am positive she didnt mean it the way it sounded, but it was a little tactless.
About the question of the post...no, it does not matter, it's just flattering to know this child that you were a part in creating- resembles you (or not). I dont see anything deeper beyond that.

Flowerchild

Tue, Oct 31 2006, 10:19 pm

maybe it does matter to an extent when you resemble one of your parents you feel like you belong and that this is your parent, its like I have your eyes your nose etc etc, so you feel like yeah this is my mom or dad I belong somewhere. if you dont resemble one of your parents and you look different then them you might feel a bit odd, why dont I look like them, maybe I am adopted or why dont I have some of them in me. you look like me, you belong to me so to speak.

challi

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 3:46 am

I think that people are able to relate more easily to other people who look like them. It's part of human nature. After all there are many times where a choson and Kallah will realize after they are engaged how similar they look. I think there's even a type of zivug like that but can't recall the whole inyan.

by the way, everyone says that my daughter looks exactly like NO ONE in either of our families. She's beautiful but if I hadn't seen her the moment she was born, I might have thought there was a mix-up in the nursery

supermom

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 4:12 am

My husband thinks he was adopted. He doesn't look like either of his parents. But his sister looks a little like him. Then again non of his siblings look like their parents each one looks different you will never know they are related. Eyes: blue, brown, or green eyes Hair: blonde, brown, and black Skin: white, dark As you can see everyone is a mixture.

When I was suppose to meet my dh for the first time, I was curious how he looked. Lo and behold couple of his siblings past by us, and my aunt said don't bother he doesn't look like any of them.

ShiraMiri

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 9:28 am

From my experience, all my babies resembled my husband. I think it's nature's way of getting the dad to bond and accept the baby as theirs. As they are getting older, they now have morphed into more of a combination. Still, everyone in my husband's family thinks they all look exactly like their side of the family! However, although there is a resemblence, they really look more like themselves - their own unique blend of features. None of my husband's or my pictures at their age look identical to any of them.

Ruchel

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 3:07 pm

Quote:

After all there are many times where a choson and Kallah will realize after they are engaged how similar they look. I think there's even a type of zivug like that but can't recall the whole inyan.

Interesting!! People often think dh and I are siblings LOL

Basya

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 3:26 pm

I remember learning that when sarah imenu gave birth to yitzchak, some people said that it must be that avimelech is the father and not avraham avinu (they thought that when avimelech took sarah...) So hashem made it that Yitzchak looked exactly like avraham so no one would think badly.

Ribbie Danzinger

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 3:50 pm

Just a thought, but maybe it has something to do with someone's potential. If you look like someone else then you may have (the potential) for similar middot. That's maybe what Rashi is trying to teach us by saying that Lot looked like Avraham Avinu.

Now, I don't remember learning anywhere that one woman in the Torah looked like another... interesting, hmm?

[BTW, when my youngest son was about six weeks old, I took him to shul on Simchat Torah and the first lady who saw me said, "He looks just like your husband Very Happy

." O.k.
I moved on to get nearer to the dancing, and another lady looked at the baby and said, "Mazal tov! Let's see, he looks just like you embarrassed

." Fine.
As I approached the mechitzah, I met a friend, who took one look at the baby and said, "How do you do it? Every one of your children looks different from all the rest of the family." Hmm... Wink

I stayed on in shul for a while and then went back towards the door to go home. Another friend opened the door for me and looked at the baby. "Looks just like all the other Danzingers (or whoever we are irl)!" She commented shock

So who does my baby look like? LOL

]

(You can go back to Rashi now Study

)

withhumor

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 4:00 pm

Hashem makes an infant’s face change every day so that all sides can be satisfied. Only one child looks like my husband, the others don’t looks like anyone I know and I’m thankful because they are skinny and adorable! Wink

frummom

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 4:09 pm

everyone says 2 of my sons look alike and I totally don't see it. all of my kids look related (pretty much) except for one, who looks completely different from the rest. whenever I'm with that kid, people feel they have to comment - "wow, that's one of yours?" talk about giving a kid a complex!

realeez

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 7:21 pm

amother wrote:

Yep, we've had that. Equally interesting is "your baby is so cute and looks just like your husband" especially coming from other ladies Confused

Esther01

Wed, Nov 01 2006, 7:32 pm

I think this story is still the best.

my grandmother who remarried went to visit her husband's daughter in the hospital after having a baby girl.

when my grandmother walked into the room, after giving mazel tov to her step-daughter she went to look at the baby. she picked the baby up and sat down with the baby on the rocking chair. step-mother and step-daughter had a nice chat.

when my grandma left, step-daughter's room mate comented, "your baby looks just like you mother" LOL