Hashem only gives what we can cope with, right!!!

amother

Thu, Nov 16 2006, 8:46 am

I was reading a thread just now and one lady wrote that Hashem only gives us what we can cope with. So why are there so many women and men that are depressed that hurt themslves because they cannot cope?
Why are there little children that get abused, are they meant to be able to cope with that? I just find this statement really hard to understand, it just seems that some people have everything thrown at them and people come out with the above statement and they are near cracking point.

Mitzvahmom

Thu, Nov 16 2006, 9:58 am

I honestly do not know how to answer that except to say that I was in a domestic violence situation.

While yes Hashem did everything except create an earth quake to prevent the marriage in the first place. Once I was in it, again Hashem kept giving me signs and I just did not want to see it! Finally he gave me a child that upon birth wanted nothing to do with his father. Sometimes we need to see things through our children's eyes before we awaken.

K"H I love my children more than anything in the world. My two oldest, I feel like I want to beg for forgiveness from them. My youngest, K"H is my strength and B"H untouched by abuse.

I guess, even before I became frum Hashem got me through alot of tough situations (btw I have been from for 11 years). I guess it depends on the person and if they can really see why something is happening.

Esther01

Thu, Nov 16 2006, 11:21 am

according to chasidishe sefarim (not quite sure wich one/s) they say that yes, Hashem does give the power for a person to cope with whatever is thrown on them (and btw, it's not thrown on them, Hashem picks and chooses what to give each individual) The thing for us to consciously decide to find those strengths Hashem gave us and use them to cope and grow....

(please don't bash me that I don't understand...., cuz these are not my own words it's from reliable sources.)

happymom

Thu, Nov 16 2006, 11:22 am

it is a question we cannot fully answer or understand!I believe there are times we cannot handle things and Hashem gives is the ability to HANDLE THEM. meaning sometimes the way to handle a a bad marriage situation is to get divorced. sometimes the way to handle having alot of children is to take bc for an amount of time etc..... it doesnt mean we should lie back and not do anything and whatever hashem gives us we will handle.

amother

Thu, Nov 16 2006, 11:28 am

So you got a woman that was abused as a kid, bullied at school, got post natal depression, has hard pregnancies, got financial problems, etc... basically what you are saying is that Hashem has only done all this because that person can deal with it. Wait a minute how on earth is someone meant to deal with all that, without completely breaking down. I can tell you as an abused child all your strength goes on trying to beat the memories of that abuse. At times when another thing happens and then another you feel like you are cracking up. And yes some peeople dio end up in hospital, I just cannot undertand why.

amother

Thu, Nov 16 2006, 11:40 am

when we say "being able to deal with it" it doesn't mean that the person alone has to do it all. It means that with the person giving it all they got and with the ppl. hashem put in there lives doing all they can the situation can be handled. The same g-d that gives children gives money, and the same g-d that gives illness gives healing.
I had a teenage realative who recently passed away after a long and horrible illness. He always said "g-d is a good one whatever comes from him can only be good."
My father had a very very hard life from the day he was born till today and he always says "ppl. are a lot stronger than they think they are." we don't know how great we are until were pushed hard enough.
Also handiling a situation doesn't always mean coming through with flying colors and being superwoman! it means is not dispairing, and to stay stong with emuna and b'tochen.

Esther01

Thu, Nov 16 2006, 12:45 pm

amother wrote:

Hashem doesn't do things for ppl who can deal with it. Hashem has his reasons that we can not understand. one of the reasons is because He loves us.

I am sure that Hashem gives such ppl who unfurtunatley go thru all these horrible things ways for them to grow... good therapist, a friend... anything to help this person. and hopefully this person will become a stronger, more beautiful person (as in inner beauty)

also her olam haba must be soooooo great! cuz she suffered enough in olam haze

amother

Thu, Nov 16 2006, 2:09 pm

hashem give me a special child, and yes I never thought I would be able to deal with it, and now I thank hashem because thru this child a became a better person, a better mother and im very lucky to have him.

JRKmommy

Fri, Nov 17 2006, 12:01 pm

I think we need to use some sensitivity in presenting this idea.

If someone is really in pain or in crisis, a breezy "Hashem only gives us what we can handle" does NOT help! It just sounds insensitive and dismissive of a person's pain.

OTOH, really sitting down with someone and listening, maybe putting them in touch with others who have gone through similar challenges to give them chizzuk, we may be able to open someone's eyes to this truth on their own. They may just need help to be able to recognize the strength and resources that Hashem does give us, and be able to "tap in" to that.

Tefila

Sat, Nov 18 2006, 10:52 pm

Who knows how Hashem works. Who knows what that means Hashem only gives someone what they can cope with? Who knows what is a reward and what is not., What is a curse and what is a blessing.? B/c what we may think good, could indeed be bad and vise versa. Honestly I think we have to be good Jews as best as we are able. Only b/c Hashem is our melech and we are His subjects! only when Moshiach comes will we know the answer, till then we have to wait patiently.

B/c none of us really know Exclamation

Esther01

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 1:43 am

amother wrote:

When did Hashem promise to only give what a person can handle? Where does it say this? I dont agree that there is such a deal between us and Hashem

there's a macklokes in parshas lech lecha between the Rambam and the Ramban.

the Ramban explains why Hashem gives us nisyonos-tests. Hashem wants to give us rewards, so He gives us nisyonos what we can handle, and by us overcoming it with the powers that He gave us, will enable us to get the reward Hashem has in store for us. that is the reason why Hashem tested Avrom Avinu with 10 nisyonos.

but we can not answer a question like

Quote:

What about women who end up hospitalized for depression or trying to commit suicide? Are they able to handle it, too?

Ribbie Danzinger

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 5:46 am

The question is not with Hashem, it is with us. Maybe we can cope with what Hashem sends us IF we tap into the wellsprings of our own emunah (faith) in Him.
There is a story of Rabbi Nachman's which beautifully illustrates this. Maybe I will copy it here later. No time to spare right now.

shoy18

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 7:46 am

On a very high level we have to realize that Olam Habah is way greater than olam Hazeh. We live our entire lives to gain access to Olam Habah, the more schar we get the better off we are. They say about a child who dies young its because they were only meant to be in this world for a small amount of time so they could get to Olam Habah, to the childs parents and relatives its the saddest most awful thing in the world but in reality the child only needed to live that long and is now in a better place.

When someone suffers from abuse, or emotional distress, or financial difficulties, its very hard to see this and understand but Hashem has a master plan. We as regular people cant always understand it but if you always try and remember that its Hashems will that in itself is a tool to help you deal.

withhumor

Sun, Nov 19 2006, 10:49 am

It is our duty to protect ourselves from danger and be careful not to fall into the emotional pit. But as far as keeping the bright side on a daily basis, I make it my point to constantly tell myself ‘at least I don’t have that’ and ‘at least I have three healthy children’ even though one just spilled cocoa all over the kitchen…. It’s still a healthy baby! And so on. Yes, I have an abundance of humor but you can acquire this sense of happiness if you commit to only going down that path. Do not ever let yourself go ‘there’ and if you feel yourself going there, RUN OUT of your house and go out for a walk, if you cant find a friend to run away with for an hour.