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Is this Rude?
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 18 2006, 11:03 pm
Off putting or disgusting?
I have seen a small shtibel-shul they have this kiddush. But to prevent some people from gathering up the food (that is already set out on the table) and munching on before kiddush.They do not serve the paperware till afterwards.
If it was you there what would you think of this?


Last edited by Tefila on Sun, Nov 19 2006, 12:54 am; edited 1 time in total
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lubcoralsprings




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 18 2006, 11:15 pm
One time I went to my sister in laws shul and my DS who was eighteen months wanted a piece of kugel. I was going to give it to him and the lady in charge of the kiddish snapped at me. I was absolutly disguisted! I don't think the shul should be reprimending people when it comes to food, that's just my personal opinion.
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mendels mommy




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 18 2006, 11:16 pm
from the shuls stand point its very smart!
but as a bystander you may think its crazy.
at the end of the day the shul will do what they think is best for them and unless its your shul I wouldnt make much of it
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shanie5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2006, 12:28 am
if you want something from the kiddush b4 it is offically 'open', ask the person in charge for it. (they are likely to give you something from the kitchen).
as the caterer/person setting up/baalei simcha work hard on the prep and layout, it is upsetting to see the hard work 'ruined' when a mess is made b4 all the people come in.
and if one takes, then another takes and another.............
then, people will start coming b4 shul is over to make sure they get what they want cuz eveybody else is 'chapping' beforehand too.

xtreme scenario? yes. but definitely possible. not letting anyone take b4 prevents results like this.

I was helping at a kiddush today nd all the cake was on platters in the kitchen. when I asked y it wasnt put out, I was told 'cuz then the kids come in and take and touch everything.'
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downsyndrome




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2006, 12:38 am
Sorry lubcoralsprings, but I think that policy is brilliant. Unfortunately it had to be implemented because there must've been too many ugly experiences in this shul before.
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Marion




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2006, 1:35 am
I would do it the other way around...all the paper goods on the tables ahead of time, and the platters of food at the last minute.
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Tefila




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2006, 2:26 am
Marion though that would be ideal normally, it is much more work putting the stuff out.Then handing the paperware out, don't you think Confused
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2006, 9:15 am
How can anyone eat before hearing Kiddush?
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red sea




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2006, 9:38 am
I'd call it practical
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 19 2006, 4:51 pm
I don't think it's rude at all for them not to put out the paperware. I think it's extremely rude for people to take food from the buffet before kiddush.
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lubcoralsprings




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 25 2006, 10:34 pm
Yeah I understand adults but what about a small child that is hungry?
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2006, 9:31 am
Some neighborhoods have eruvs and a kid can bring a small snack of his own to eat.

Also, who says the familyof the small hungry child has to stay for the kiddish? Let them go home.
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ShiraMiri




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2006, 9:37 am
As a matter of course, I think that shuls with lots of young children should put out a mini-kiddush (could be crackers and juice) for the little ones before the main kiddush. Grown-ups should have the self-control to wait until kiddush time. I think it is fine to not put out the paper goods until kiddush time to accomplish that goal.
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shanie5




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2006, 1:14 pm
why should the baalei simcha have to pay for the extra food for young children? let the mother feed them breakfast before going to shul.
if you are there as a guest of the baal simcha, ask the person in charge for something-don't presume to tale it beforehand w/o permission.
once one child is allowed to take, why shouldnt others too? especially since, if one kid sees another eating something, they suddenly become hungry too.
until what age is a child considered a 'little one'?
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 26 2006, 1:26 pm
My sister and her husband are the rabbi and rebbetzin of a small community, and I used to spend Shabbosim with them all the time and help with the kids. After shul, the caterers usually chase people outside into the playground (where the kids play-- it's 99% of the time great weather) while they set up. My sister would usually ask me to feed her toddlers from the kiddush (before it's ready for the general public) and then take them home and put them to sleep-- and then my sister's family makes their own Shabbos meal at home 3-4 hours (!!!) later.

I remember the caterers were always so mean to me!! I'm sorry, but these are the rabbi's kids and when the rabbi and his wife are both so busy taking care of the whole shul, their kids should at least be able to have a snack from the shul food!

I think it's definitely rude not to let kids eat early-- but I think it's also rude for normal adults not to want to wait.

And wake up, choc moose, a lot of people will eat before Kiddush no-prob.

It's just a big problem that a lot of people will easily take advantage of a situation-- so when little kids are allowed to eat, all sorts of people start munching!
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chen




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 27 2006, 8:34 am
amother wrote:
I don't think it's rude at all for them not to put out the paperware. I think it's extremely rude for people to take food from the buffet before kiddush.


Agree 100%.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 27 2006, 9:59 am
I am awake. And I don't understand how people can eat before kiddush?

they davened, right? it's after chatzos hayom, right?
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Imaonwheels




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 27 2006, 12:17 pm
I have been to so many kiddushes where the baal hasimcha is doing the right thing and making a kiddush for all of the daveners. What do I see? Some women w/children don't always go to shul but will come and bring all the kids if they here there will be a kiddush. The people who want to see and care about the BM, aufruf or just want to daven find themselves with nearly empty messy tables. This includes the invited guests. There have been real cases of chillul HaShem when peoples not so frum relatives come.

I think it is totally rude to take something off the table before kiddush unless you asked or paid the bill. Of course a 2 yr old will cry if he sees cake. In our yishuv the women who don't go in to daven hang around outside and follow the men to the moadon when the davening is finished. I locked the doors for my BMs until the men came out. Some people make 'kid kiddushes' but I never liked them as the 9-11 group jump on the garbage and fill up on that and at that age are old enough to wait for kiddush. For a big kiddush once a family put out hotdogs and potato chips for the little ones and big girls dished them out fairly.
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 27 2006, 12:23 pm
In our shul it's common to come to the kiddush even if you haven't davened in our shul.

But no one eats before someone makes kiddush; often times the food isn't even brought out before!
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 28 2006, 10:29 pm
I have always looked at kids, sometimes dirty, and sometimes not being watched taking from the kiddush all nicely set up and got nosheous (spell ck)
people work hard to set up nicely and all watch your kids and be polite as if it were your kiddush
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