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Vaccines - Feeling awful, can you commiserate or support?
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WriterMom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 1:27 pm
First of all, this is not meant to criticize vaxers, anti-vaxers, or bananish families.

We have a delayed vaccination schedule. I believe that vaccinations have a lot of value for some diseases and want my kids to have immunity before puberty, but I prefer not to inject lots of things into tiny babies. This works for us, and the doctor isn't delighted but can live with it.

Today we had some shots. I feel like a monster for holding my kid still to have a needle stuck in him while he's crying. I know intellectually that the pain isn't that long lasting (the worst reacting kid was still fine within about ten minutes.) I am happy with the decision and timing of the vaxing. It just feels so WRONG to deliberately help someone do something to your child that causes them pain.

I suspect this is one of those "suck it up, being a mom can be hard" things. But does anyone else have these feelings?

Also, I know polio can be given orally - I wish I knew why they can't give all vaccines some less painful way (sub lingual, suppository, capsule, whatever.)
Crying
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flowerpower




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 1:37 pm
It takes one second to give that prick. Some kids do better it they know in advance so they can be prepared and others do better when told there. I distract my kids and they don't feel it very much. I explain that it's important bec...and they understand.
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STMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 1:41 pm
I feel bad when holding my child down to help the doctor giving shots, but I tell myself that this very temporary pain is giving my child medicine/protection that she needs. I also use the experience as an analogy, that sometimes Hashem hurts us and in our infantile understanding we don't comprehend why we are suffering, but we have to believe that He knows better and that it is for the best.
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jelly belly




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 1:44 pm
I totally get it. I also vax on an alternate schedule, I feel it's the right thing to do but it still makes me nervous. Anyway, I will say that while it's hard to hold them down for the shots, it was far worse when my 2 year old needed blood drawn a few months ago. That took a lot longer than a shot, and it's more uncomfortable (although at least I didn't worry about side effects). Just be glad that you're bringing in a healthy child Smile
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bradybunch




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 1:44 pm
First, {{hugs}}
It is always hard to see our children hurt.

As far as your last question, there's actually a lot of research into trying to develop needle-free vaccines. But most vaccines haven't been easy to adapt. The oral polio vaccine isn't used in the US because it's the attenuated (live) virus vaccine, and it can very rarely cause polio due to back mutation into an active virus in the gut, which is then eliminated in the feces. So right now, unfortunately, the shots are the safest way to give the vaccines we have--except flu, because the nasal flu is actually the most effective! So hopefully in the future there will be more needle-free vaccines.

Sorry you had a rough time at the pediatrician today Heart
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CYsmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:17 pm
Do mom's hold their kids for shots in most peds offices?
At the ped I worked for, it was MY job to hold the kids down for shots, never the mother! in fact, few moms would say they can't handle seeing it so they'd walk out of the room and I would be holdimg their child.
It is soo hard to hold down a child for shots especialy when they understand. Sad When I first started working there I just felt terrible! Finally I got used to it and it was comforting to remind myself this is all for the benifit of the child!! I am now used to it and wouldn't mind holding my baby for shots but still think it's prefferable for soeone else to.
I'm sorry and understand you do feel bad! but you're being a good mom and doing the right thing!
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AlwaysGrateful




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:38 pm
How old is your dc?

My oldest is not yet 4, and they're still little enough that it's easy to distract them both before and after the shot. They also don't remember from one appointment tothe other so well yet, so they don't really remember to think about whether they'll be getting a shot. Usually it's just a three second thing, plus maybe a twenty second cry afterwards in Mommy's arms.

Was the nurse not so quick? Or is your child just older and therefore strong enough to make it hard to get the needle in accurately, which made the whole process longer?
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exaustedmom




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:40 pm
Writermom, I so commiserate. My 18 mo got 3 shots yesterday. I was holding her down and she was crying "Mommy, no more". Needless (pun intended) to say, we were both in tears and I felt terrible.
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mamommommy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:53 pm
I'll never forget the time that son (who I think was 8 at the time) decided to "run away" when it was time for his injection. We had to chase him all around the office, finally dragging him kicking and screaming out from under the desk in the nurses' station.

Or my 6 week old screaming at the top of his lungs when he needed a spinal tap when he was ill with a high fever.

Or the fact that my dd gets faint every single time that she has blood drawn (and even passed out once).

It feels awful, but I just close my eyes, hug my child, say a prayer, and know that I am doing what I believe is the best thing for them, and I'd rather be holding their healthy, warm, screaming body any day of the week compared to the alternative.

And about the mom being in the room: A non-Jewish doctor who was working in a hospital with a high religious Jewish population, once commented to me how most of the Jewish mothers never wanted to leave their child's side, no matter what was being done, compared to many non-Jewish mothers who "can't handle seeing their child in pain" and had to leave the room. He thought that it was so beautiful that the Jewish mothers never wanted their children to be alone, no matter how difficult it was for the mother to watch. It may be easier for the mom to leave, but which way is easier for the child?
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morah




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 3:09 pm
mamommommy wrote:


And about the mom being in the room: A non-Jewish doctor who was working in a hospital with a high religious Jewish population, once commented to me how most of the Jewish mothers never wanted to leave their child's side, no matter what was being done, compared to many non-Jewish mothers who "can't handle seeing their child in pain" and had to leave the room. He thought that it was so beautiful that the Jewish mothers never wanted their children to be alone, no matter how difficult it was for the mother to watch. It may be easier for the mom to leave, but which way is easier for the child?


Interesting point- I can't remember the source, but I did once read that Hagar was selfish for leaving Yishmael to die alone in order to spare herself the agony...

In any event, I feel the same way- it's hard. But I know I'm doing what's best for my child. Think about all the times we go through hardship in life and as Jews- does Hashem like doing that to us? Probably not- but He knows what He's doing and does everything for the best.

BTW, I cried at my son's bris, more than he did. Handing him to the kvatter, knowing what he was about to go through tore me up inside, but I know that was what I had to do as a Jewish mother.
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bz246




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 3:37 pm
yea I just did the shots this past sunday. had to hold on ds hands while he was screeching. felt like crying along but knew that it'll pass in a second and it did. guess we do what we gotta do.
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yOungM0mmy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 3:44 pm
Oh, I understand, and I also delay vaccinations a little, but do want them to have them. Difficult as it is, I know my kids will be fine in a few minutes (although did my baby's second round 2 days ago, and she's not been a happy bunny yesterday or today). But really, every time I think how hard it is, I think of a child in our school who died of meningitis while I was a student there, and think of how painful it must have been for her, and even more so, for her parents to watch and then deal with the aftermath, for themselves and for her siblings. The vacine was not commonly available then - I think they started giving it to high school students the next year - but if Chas Veshalom something happened to my child because I didn't vaccinate, I would never be able to forgive myself. Of course anything can happen anyway, but it is worth the pain for a few minutes, and worth knowing that you did all you could possibly have done to keep your child safe and healthy.
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middy




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 3:47 pm
WriterMom wrote:
First of all, this is not meant to criticize vaxers, anti-vaxers, or bananish families.

We have a delayed vaccination schedule. I believe that vaccinations have a lot of value for some diseases and want my kids to have immunity before puberty, but I prefer not to inject lots of things into tiny babies. This works for us, and the doctor isn't delighted but can live with it.

Today we had some shots. I feel like a monster for holding my kid still to have a needle stuck in him while he's crying. I know intellectually that the pain isn't that long lasting (the worst reacting kid was still fine within about ten minutes.) I am happy with the decision and timing of the vaxing. It just feels so WRONG to deliberately help someone do something to your child that causes them pain.

I suspect this is one of those "suck it up, being a mom can be hard" things. But does anyone else have these feelings?

Also, I know polio can be given orally - I wish I knew why they can't give all vaccines some less painful way (sub lingual, suppository, capsule, whatever.)
Crying


as a mommy and a nurse, just want to add that there are topical sprays that can be used before the shots to make them less painful. maybe look into that?
sorry!
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MrsDash




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 3:51 pm
Hug You are definitely not alone! I was in tears every time my baby got a shot.
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Hashem_Yaazor




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 4:07 pm
My kids when they're held by me and don't see the needle barely cry. My worst is my oldest who screams beforehand out of fear. (He had lots of blood draws as a toddler which I don't think helped.)

My baby didn't cry during the PKU test when I was holding her. The nurse was shocked; she never saw that happen before.

I think we instill a lot of fear in kids, and if we're holding them it's really much, much better. The person I cannot stand at the pediatrician does not let me hold my kids during vaccines since it's not the way she's used to and I learned her hours to avoid going then.
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dmum




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 5:03 pm
The first time my oldest child had vaccinations - so she would have been 4 weeks old or so?- she obviously cried, and I started to comfort her and talk to her: "The man is hurting you, poor baby etc etc".
The ped gave me such a telling off! He said, "I have seen every single one of the illnesses I just vaccinated against, in little children. Trust me when I tell you that those kids were in pain, not your baby."
That changed my attitude completely.
It's never easy to see your child hurting, but if you think of the larger picture, like polio paralysing kids, then yes, it can be a bit easier.
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observer




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 6:18 pm
It's very very hard. What I try to do (and I find that it helps ME a lot) is that while the dr is giving the shot and the kid is crying I quietly whisper a tefila in my own words that this should be for the child's good health and that only good things should result from it and the child should always be healthy.

Of course I also soothe the child in any way a can. If it's a baby, I usually nurse the baby right afterwards.

And a point that can be learned from this is that this is how Hashem feels when he has to bring tzaros to the world. He knows that it is for the best (just as we know that even though the shot hurts, it's still for the good of the child) and yet it hurts Him so much to see His children crying

CYsmom wrote:
At the ped I worked for, it was MY job to hold the kids down for shots, never the mother! in fact, few moms would say they can't handle seeing it so they'd walk out of the room and I would be holdimg their child.


Sorry, but that sounds really selfish. Of course it's easier for the mother to walk out, but what about the child getting the shot? That's when he really needs his Mommy with him. How would a woman feel if during labor her husband left her alone with the nurses, telling her that it was too hard for him to see her in pain and he'll come back when it's over. I strongly feel that the mother's place is next to her child when he/she needs her.
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sky




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 6:29 pm
For an infant I've heard nursing while giving the shot lessens the pain - I haven't tried it yet, but always want to.

I've tried to do major build ups for my kids towards a shot. We will talk about it ad nauseum. We don't mntion it will hurt, but how brave we will be , and how fast it is. Sometimes it works and sometimes not - like 4 yr old ds had his sleeves rolled up and marched into the office for the shot and the next time dh had to hold him down. Or I told ds (3 yrs) he should show dd (2 yrs) it didn't hurt. Well he put on the bravest face and didn't even flinch for the shot. So much so that dd begged for her shot and tugged up her sleeve. I felt bad knowing that she was totally not getting what she expected. And after I wasn't sure if it was fair for ds to be so brave for her but we played it up after also telling everyone how brave he was and he didn't seem to mind.

When they don't cry I'm tottaly cool about it but when they do it is so painful. I would also not leave them alone for the shot, I think my kids would feel abandoned (is that worst then feeling mommy is helping them hurt me???)
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im2bz2chat




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 6:42 pm
I get that it's hard for a mother to see your child go through that. My thought is that when you have doubts about what you are doing it makes it even harder. I know that it would make me feel bad AND guilty - that they're suffering and I'm not even sure if it's a for a good thing...
I'm not suggesting that that's what it is for you - It's just a thought.
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Frenchfry




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jan 19 2012, 7:03 pm
My pediatrician gives shots that don't hurt

Here's how: he puts the needle into the vile(s) that have the liquid to be injected in them. He then CHANGES the needle head because when jamming the needle into the vile, it dulls it slightly. The sharper the needle, the less it hurts.

I also delay shots. I have found, though that because they don't associate shots with much pain, they aren't afraid
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