naming after child who died young

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Forum -> Pregnancy & Childbirth -> Baby Names

Naming after child who died young

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amother

Mon, Apr 16 2012, 5:56 pm

my husband and I would like to name our baby after a relative who died young. the child was mentally and physically handicapped.
I have heard you shouldn't name after a child that died of unnatural causes (accident or foul play) but would this be considered natural?
I have also heard opinions that a name from someone like this should only be used as a middle name. we would like to use it as a first name, perhaps with a middle name of someone who died at an old healthy age.
has anyone here ever been in a similar situation? does anyone know any sources on this?

Ruchel

Mon, Apr 16 2012, 6:04 pm

It's a shaila to ask.

It goes from no way, modify the name, add a name, to it's a great thing for the neshama.

I heard also that it depends on age of death, cause of death, is there a kiddush Hashem, do they leave children, and whether the person the deceased was named for had a short life also, lo alenu.

I had to research this extensively for me and a few other relatives who wanted to name after various relatives.

My grandmother is named for an aunt who died as a child, same name.

I would personally name but add a name like Chaim or of someone who lived long.

Yael3

Mon, Apr 16 2012, 7:45 pm

I have no idea what the halacha is but I must say that a child that passes away young (especially before bar/bas mitzvah) has a pure neshama with no avairos. A child that comes into this world for a tikun and only has tzaros here is going straight to the kisai hakavod. I would think it would be the greatest honor to have the name from such a person. I cared for a child for months in a hospital cardiac unit, he passed away at 7 months old. He was the most amazing chashuv baby I ever encountered. I held his little fingers and cried as Hashem took his neshama. I said the shema with him as he took his last breaths and I want so much to name my first boy after him.
I never thought to ask a rov, but am I supposed to??

amother

Mon, Apr 16 2012, 8:23 pm

def a question to be asked but my mother died young and when we asked a Rav he told us to add a middle name for the baby.

Tal

Mon, Apr 16 2012, 10:39 pm

Hi,

Naming in general are mostly minhagim.

Many come to my father with shailos and this is what I heard over the years:

A child is different than one's own parent. after a parent you give the name (some do add a name if the parent died young)

My father lost a sibling at a young age and a child at a young age and he is very particular that no names after young people. I can ask him why if you'd like.

Mazal Tov and good luck!

shanie5

Tue, Apr 17 2012, 2:15 pm

Both my mom and I each "lost" a baby (one at 3 days old, one stillbirth). As these children were named after they passed, we don't use their names in my family. I have an aunt who lost a 3 year old son and named a younger son with a variation of the name. Think Yona to Yonason. With an additional name to it also.

From all I have heard, we don't name after those who die young-at least without adding a name but I have never had real reason to ask.

kenz

Tue, Apr 17 2012, 3:27 pm

I lost a two year old child and from my understanding, it is a strong litvish minhag to name a subsequent child after the one who passed away, and an equally strong chassidish minhag not to. I fit into neither category (I am not strongly litvish nor strongly chassidish, though if I had to categorize I'd be considered yeshivish, but not very). In any case, I would never be able to have another child with the same name, it would just be too difficult to call the next child by that name each time and be reminded over and over of what was lost. (Not that one can forget, but you don't have to add salt to the wound each time. Of course some people may find it comforting, just not me.)
Of course, that doesn't necessarily apply to relatives other than the parents naming after a child who passed away, but it's something to keep in mind - it might be too painful for them to hear.

amother

Tue, Apr 17 2012, 5:36 pm

I named a child after someone who died in an accident relatively young. We asked a gadol hador and he said to add another name, eg. Chaim, Baruch, Nachman FIRST and the other name second.

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