Child services are going to come after me

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

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mommy#1

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 7:43 am

I promise I never so much as hit my DS! But he has more black & blue marks on his forehead than I could count. Since he was about 10 months old, he's been throwing tantrums by banging his head. I always try to cushion it or pick him up so he doesn't hurt himself, but I guess I've missed plenty of times. So now at 15 months old, he looks like he's beaten up!

mommy4

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 7:59 am

I have found that applying arnica cream helps heal black and blue marks very fast.

ewa-jo

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 8:28 am

Is it possible for you to leave the room when he's throwing a tantrum?

IMO, a toddler's tantrum loses its power once the adult stops paying attention to it. If you are reasonably sure your child won't seriously hurt himself, then you should leave him once he starts acting up.

SplitPea

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 8:39 am

even if he is not eligible have him evaluated for state services that was the tantrums abd you seeking help for them are well documented.

Arcy

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 10:34 am

my son also used to bang his head against the wall when he was about that age.... the Dr. said it's a common thing in WHITE BOYS to do at that age. My son grew out of it at about 18M...

it's frustrating and scarry, but I was relieved to hear we weren't the only parents dealing with it.

Good luck.... can I ask if your son is a white boy?

amother

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 10:40 am

dd did this until she was 2 1/2 - she was startled by the blood that we could see on the floor!!! and never did it again.

(she's a really bright college student today, so I guess she survived intact.)

mommy#1

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 12:02 pm

wow, thanks everyone for your responses! lets see if I remember to answer everyone!

mommy4, thanks! I will definitely try arnica cream

ewa-jo, I think he would really hurt himself. im not talking about banging lightly. im saying if he wants something that im not giving him he'll go WHAM, BAM, BAM into the floor, and he would do it 100 times if I wouldnt stop him. my dh tells me I should at least bring him out of the kitchen to the carpet before I tell him no!! he usually calms down pretty much right away when I stop him

splitpea, thanks, but I dont need him evaluated. b"H hes a really cute (ADORABLE!!!) lively young fellow who just likes to get his way, and who is so advanced that he started the terrible-2 stage nice and early Very Happy

arcy, my DS banged his head for the fun of it against the wall for a nice long while already. I sure hope he grows out of it by the time hes 18 months. but this is tantrums im talking about. like BANG BANG BANG into the floor. yes, he is a white boy. its interesting, I wonder why white boys are more prone to doing that

and amother, DS b"H never saw blood while doing it, but I highly doubt it would faze him anyway-hes a real BOY iykwim!

whew, answered everyone!

SingALong

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 12:52 pm

Can u take a video of how he behaves, the head banging, before and after, and dh can take one of you calming him down? This way you have proof to protect yourself.

Also, see your pediatrician, have him document it. Especially if the bruises are mostly on his head where he bangs himself, and nowhere else on his body.

I don't think child services will be after you, I heard head banging is quite common.

amother

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 1:43 pm

mommy#1 wrote:

and amother, DS b"H never saw blood while doing it, but I highly doubt it would faze him anyway-hes a real BOY iykwim!

whew, answered everyone!

and she was a real tomboy, iykwim- but by that age (don't forget, I'm talking at age 30 months!) she had enough seichel to understand what she was doing and it did faze her.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 2:15 pm

SingALong wrote:

This.
People do anything they learn will effectively distract them from an unpleasant feeling.
Just having Mom not giving him something he wants shouldn't be that, that bad a thing. Is he basically getting enough?
Some of our kids may simply need more sensory input. Our houses don't have droning TVs or radios and if he is the oldest, or among the oldest, he may not hear enough speech - if your older kids are in school, and the younger are not talking yet.

Scotch tape lots of pretty magazine photos of animals or landscapes or other children to the walls at HIS eye level, down there. He may rip some off the walls; that only means it's working; don't get upset; put up some more. A few issues of National Geographic might be of use.

Leave some CDs of music acceptable to you on, perhaps.

Leave more toys around.

Sensory deprivation is accutely painful. It is especially painful to smart people. Your kid is smart, I bet.

The "NO" that triggers this banging may be his effort in the direction of getting sensory input and stimulation. I would bang my head, too, denied something to read in, say, the office of motor vehicles waiting room. "No, m'am, you have to sit there and wait your turn, and no, we don't allow you to talk, look at your electronics, or read. You are required by law to just sit there. Do nothing. Thank you. Now please be patient. Only another hour. Thank you." See? Ouch!

Hugs.

Sometimes it's about his needing boundaries respected. Are you dressing or bathing him too summarily? But start with sensory deprivation. That's pretty easy to remedy.

gold21

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 4:32 pm

Arcy wrote:

what do you mean, white boys? I dont get it. tantrums are more common in Caucasians? seriously? Scratching Head

gold21

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 4:34 pm

mommy#1 wrote:

you should bring him to your pediatrician and have him document it.

my mom used to always do that when one kid hurt the other one. she seriously documented everything.

I never documented anything with my pediatrician (despite my mother encouraging me to do so), but it may be a good idea in your case.

good luck!!!!!!!

33055

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 4:37 pm

gold21 wrote:

Arcy wrote:

what do you mean, white boys? I dont get it. tantrums are more common in Caucasians? seriously? Scratching Head

Yeah, the black folks have melatonin to calm them down; or at least the bruising is not as visible.
(sarcasm edited by mod.)

33055

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 4:45 pm

SingALong wrote:

I would ask the pediatrician as a question just like it was posed here. I would not ask for the documentation. Asking the pediatrician to document it could look at bit suspicious like you are concerned about a potential legal situation like the notes will be Exhibit A in your defense. Asking the questions seems to me to be showing more concern about your child.

I actually had this type of discussion with my pediatrician. For years, I have been concerned because my kids are really skinny unlike most of their peers. I made a joke to my pediatrician about CPS and the fact my daughter is not eating. He said the fact I was concerned both during well and sick visits regarding this would be my protection. I was not thinking of CPS originally when I brought it up.

gold21

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 4:48 pm

Squishy wrote:

SingALong wrote:

this is a very good point that I should have clarified. OP, dont just call up the pediatrician and say "hey, can you document this?"

you need to call and say "hey, I have a concern- my son bangs his head when he throws a tantrum- he has all these black and blue marks- what should I do? is this normal behavior? how can I help heal the black and blue marks? etc etc. also, I am nervous that someone will wonder why my son has so many black and blue marks, should I be concerned about that?"

Raizle

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 5:11 pm

Squishy wrote:

gold21 wrote:

Arcy wrote:

what do you mean, white boys? I dont get it. tantrums are more common in Caucasians? seriously? Scratching Head

Yeah, the black folks have melatonin to calm them down; or at least the bruising is not as visible.
(sarcasm edited by mod)

I also detect some sarcasm here and I can't fathom why.

Arcy didn't say anything offensive about blacks. All she said is that her doctor told her this type of tantraming is more common in white children. I can't figure out what is offensive here.
I think people jump to find offense at any mention of differences between races.

33055

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 5:28 pm

You are right ladies. I am sorry. I was just so incensed because on another thread someone was making comments (edited by mod). I am so sorry to all. I am especially sensitized to the racial comments at this time.

chavamom

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 9:39 pm

One of my kids did this. I said something to the pediatrician who told me that they worry when they see bruises in odd places, like on the back. Bruises on the forehead and front of the legs are very common in toddlers.

chavamom

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 9:43 pm

Aaaaaaaaaaand obviously I missed something more than bruised foreheads in this thread.....

gold21

Sun, Mar 04 2012, 9:44 pm

chavamom wrote:

Aaaaaaaaaaand obviously I missed something more than bruised foreheads in this thread.....

you are funny, chavamom. LOL

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