Ask a Rav (threads merged)

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 10:33 am

I have been married for almost a year and have not had a questionable bedika yet either.
is that so rare? if you are ablr to get clean on the days that you should get clean, what is the big deal here?
there is no shaila to ask.

amother

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 10:39 am

Sonniboni wrote:

We ask our Rav about most things. In just about every aspect of our life.
If it's not halacha we are asking about, our rav is giving us adivce and hadracha.

but dont you like to decide things as a couple and not have a third party involved?

Ruchel

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 10:44 am

amother wrote:

Sonniboni wrote:

We ask our Rav about most things. In just about every aspect of our life.
If it's not halacha we are asking about, our rav is giving us adivce and hadracha.

but dont you like to decide things as a couple and not have a third party involved?

Maybe she means when they don't know or can't agree.

Coke Slurpee

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 11:06 am

Also a rav or rebbe usually has more life experiance and can offer better advice and might think of something we might not have realized.

It is when we don't agree or don't know, but not always.

Crayon210

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 11:35 am

The examples brought above (about vacation with untzanua women, and learning the letter P with pig, and the appropriateness of a turban) are all things that are strongly conncted with halacha and/or hashkafa. They're not really "everyday" things, not to people who know that everything in one's life can affect their avoda...

I don't see what the big deal is in asking a rav. Lots of people here have therapists, best friends, mothers, rebbetzins, teachers, and neighbors whom they ask for advice. Some people prefer to ask a rav questions that relate to halacha (obviously) and hashkafa (because it can be connected to halacha and how one approaches Yiddishkeit).

What's the big deal? Confused

frummom

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 11:39 am

Quote:

I don't see what the big deal is in asking a rav. Lots of people here have therapists, best friends, mothers, rebbetzins, teachers, and neighbors whom they ask for advice. Some people prefer to ask a rav questions that relate to halacha (obviously) and hashkafa (because it can be connected to halacha and how one approaches Yiddishkeit).

What's the big deal?

if you have a rav with whom you have a relationship which is on the same level of closeness as a best friend, neighbor, therapist, whatever - then you're right, asking a rav isn't such a big deal.

but if your relationship with your rav is NOT a close personal relationship like that, then it's a much bigger deal.

Ruchel

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 11:42 am

Crayon210 wrote:

I think it seems weird to people who are not on the level of worrying about these things, or who think the solution is obvious.
I would not ask these things to a therapist or friend or neighbour either, by the way.

Ruchel

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 11:42 am

frummom wrote:

Quote:

if your relationship with your rav is NOT a close personal relationship like that, then it's a much bigger deal.

I agree!!

Crayon210

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 11:47 am

I don't think it's a "level of worrying"...but some people are concerned about finer details in their observance, so they ask a rav.

You might not ask anyone for advice on these matters, but lots of people would...that what keeps imamother.com going, LOL.

Ruchel

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 11:50 am

Crayon210 wrote:

I don't think it's a "level of worrying"...but some people are concerned about finer details in their observance, so they ask a rav.
.

Yup, that's what I meant. They are on a level that makes them worry about such things, while people on another level would not.

Coke Slurpee

Tue, Aug 01 2006, 11:55 am

I don't think it is a matter of worrying - We are not worriers - as much as whenever we have any big decisions to make we ask my husband's rebbe or Rosh Yeshiva - These are our options, what do you think we should do, or this is our problem what should we do? What are our options?
And we usually (not always, but most of the time) follow their advice.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 12:09 am

Quote:

im sorry, I do not understand how someone who would ask if they can havea pig for the P in the alphabet how that is a concern for the finerdetails in observance. to me that is just nuts. what the heck is wrong with a pig in an alphabet? I know the animal is unkosher, but there are a lot more animals that are also unkosher.

[quote="Ruchel"]

Crayon210 wrote:

I don't think it's a "level of worrying"...but some people are concerned about finer details in their observance, so they ask a rav.

Yup, that's what I meant. They are on a level that makes them worry about such things, while people on another level would not.

im with you ruchel. I do not understand the need to ask a rav about such things. I will decide, with my husband if we should not go to a certain plae b/c of the tzanua thing. why do we have to add a rav into the discusion when it is obvious what needs to be done?

Marion

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 3:33 am

For some things yes, for some things no. Thank G-d, both DH and I are very good at opening a sefer and finding the answers. However, when there are stirot or differing opinions and we need a definitive answer, we will definitely ask a rav. Or when the sefer has a "cut and dry" answer for something, but we know that our specific circumstances might warrant a different answer.

Which rav depends on the realm of the question. We have one rav we use for anything that's not connected to the bedroom, and someone else for the bedroom/niddah questions (because our "regular" rav is a member of the family, and I'm not comfortable having him familiar with our bedroom).

amother

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 3:42 am

ok, but I know that my husband and I do not open a sefer up wither every time that we have a question. sometimes we just use our common sense to figure out what we feel is correct.

and in terms of the bedroom, we have never asked a question there. I know there was a whole other discussion about this already, but I just dont understand it.

lubcoralsprings

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 4:04 am

I think it's good to have a Rav you ask questions to. I myself prefer to use Rabbi Chaiken however, I think a mashpia is more for Bal teshuvas. If you don't know the basics then you have to have a mashpia who can answer those basic questions. But if you know the basics then you ask a rav more difficult questions such as taharas hamishpacha, kashrus... and other more difficult ones. Bal Teshuvas tend to not have lengthy frum education, or frum relatives they can ask about customs during the yomim tovim or for other purposes.

binah918

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 4:35 am

My DH is almost finished with smicha. He certainly has the knowledge and know-how to answer our questions or open a sefer and find the answers. He is able to answer almost all of our kashrus questions and many of our taharas hamishpocha questions. He can usually tell me if a bedika is ok or not. But of course, if he has any doubt whatsoever, we go to our Rav. In a little over one year of marriage, we've only gone to a Rav once or twice for non-taharas hamishopcha questions. (I think we had a few Pesach-related kashrus questions.) I imagine that in years to come, with children IYH, we'll have more questions...

TzenaRena

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 7:08 am

Asking a Rav is sometimes important, even if you think you can find or know the answer yourself.

For example, Hilchos Shabbos can be pretty complicated. Although there are a number of good seforim to look up, one doesn't always know how their own Rav paskens, or which shitah you folllow.

Once, my son told us something he was learning about in Gemara that had a direct bearing on something in Hilchos Eruvin, that we hadn't known about. We asked our Rav, and he told us my son was right! We'd been doing it differently before that embarrassed

Crayon210

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 8:50 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Many Lubavitchers, for example, would ask/not use such a thing because we try not to expose our children to treif animals. Please don't call it nuts, it's a minhag that we've gotten from our Rebbe. Confused

Quote:

It's obvious? Really? You and your husband are so familiar with hilchos shemiras einayim that you'd pasken for yourselves? Other families aren't so lucky.