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Crayon210

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 8:51 am

lubcoralsprings wrote:

I think a mashpia is more for Bal teshuvas.

The Rebbe has never said this. A mashpia is for all Lubavitchers.

lubcoralsprings

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 8:52 am

Crayon210 wrote:

lubcoralsprings wrote:

I think a mashpia is more for Bal teshuvas.

A mashpia is for all Lubavitchers.

Please don't misquote me that's not what I said.

Crayon210

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 9:15 am

I'm not misquoting you. The Rebbe told Lubavitchers that they all should have mashpi'im, not more or less for BTs or born Lubavitchers.

lubcoralsprings

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 9:16 am

Crayon210 wrote:

The Rebbe told Lubavitchers that they all should have mashpi'im, not more or less for BTs or born Lubavitchers.

Again, please don't misquote me.

chanab

Wed, Aug 02 2006, 4:46 pm

Quote:

I think a mashpia is more for Bal teshuvas.

Why do you think that? Maybe BTs need more hashpaa in certain areas(and many FFbs need too), but everone needs a mashpia. Its a bakasha nafshis of the Rebbe.

amother

Thu, Aug 03 2006, 8:50 am

what is the difference between a mashpia and a rav? or what exactly is a mashpia?

I have never heard of this before I came on tothis site.

Ruchel

Thu, Aug 03 2006, 8:52 am

amother wrote:

what exactly is a mashpia?

I have never heard of this before I came on tothis site.

same here

Crayon210

Thu, Aug 03 2006, 12:07 pm

Mashpia means "one who influences".

The person may be a rav, but isn't necessarily (women usually have female mashpios anyway)... such a person acts as a guide for a mushpa (one who is influenced) who may discuss spiritual matters like chinuch and avodas Hashem, or physical matters that are obviously connected to one's avoda, like taking a job or moving to a new city.

A mashpia is a religious mentor or advisor, without the "rav" aspect of asking shailos.

I don't know if groups other than Chabad have this concept, but the term "mashpia" is unique to Chabad, as far as I know.

Estee2

Thu, Aug 03 2006, 12:28 pm

Quote:

Quote:
I think a mashpia is more for Bal teshuvas.

Why do you think that? Maybe BTs need more hashpaa in certain areas(and many FFbs need too), but everone needs a mashpia. Its a bakasha nafshis of the Rebbe.

100 % AGREED

A Mashpia is for everyone.
Even a Rav should have a Mashpia.

Very often we need to make a decision that is NOT based on Halacha,
but rather on Hergesh. "What is the right thing for ME to do ?"

Not what is right of wrong in a Halachic sense, but in a personal sense.

Smile

Motek

Thu, Aug 03 2006, 12:33 pm

lubcoralsprings wrote:

Crayon210 wrote:

lubcoralsprings wrote:

I think a mashpia is more for Bal teshuvas.

A mashpia is for all Lubavitchers.

Please don't misquote me that's not what I said.

How did she misquote you if she used the exact words you used?

Did you mean something different? If so, please explain.

chedva

Tue, Aug 08 2006, 7:22 pm

At first I was embarrassed to ask my Rav questions. I asked him if he had an email address, and he did! Emailing is definitely a lot easier for those embarrassing shailos.

Sometimes I will ask him a question and he will tell me that maybe I will be more comfortable asking his wife.

I have asked him numerous questions and he has always been approachable. I am not at all chareidi, just regular working frum non kollel person. If you are unable to discuss things with your Rav, perhaps you need to find one that you can relate to.

This Rav is not so close in proximity, so when there's a questionable bedikah, I have to bring it elsewhere.

amother

Wed, May 07 2008, 3:40 pm

I understand that you should ask a rav a question when needed, but it seems like here so many people ask their rav everything.
For example:
ask a rav if the guy has to pay (the total) for hitting the car (I know he said to ask the rav). If he's a mentch, he'd pay or go to small claims court or bet din. What if the rav decides the guy is right? Of course he's not, he would just be getting away with murder so to speak. Bet din is different.
asking a rav for every little shalom bayis question.

I'm annon b/c I don't even have a rav and don't need to be criticized for it. I'm not criticizing for going to a rav, but why for every little thing? Can't things be accomplished by looking it up by yourself or asking someone else or speaking to professional? I know that's wouldn't work all the time, but very often the response is, go ask your rav!

freidasima

Wed, May 07 2008, 5:15 pm

I can only tell you here in EY there is a serious problem with going to a bes din instead of a secular court or mediator for various issues and I don't mean personal ones like divorce, children etc. I mean for something like arguments between neighbors. I have seen this happen over and over, one person insists on a bes din, both are frum so they go, and the bes din has no inkling of the background, doesn't deal with it seriously, because they have no legal experience in the particular field, do it "partatch" which means unprofessionally, and the person in fault often ends up getting away with murder, even if he/she was taken to the bes din in what should have been an open and shut case. It's not exactly the same as going to a Rov, however, if you are talking not about someone chassidish who goes to his rebbe for everything which under those religious/social circumstances is understandable, but if you are talking about other cases...it can be very problematic.

Imaonwheels

Wed, May 07 2008, 10:35 pm

freidasima, if they have no experience they are negligent. I asked my LOR rav about paying a negligent employee and he said, "I don't pasken mamonot. There is a BD for that purpose". If one has a monetary dispute he should seek out BD l'Inyanei mamonot. There is def in Y-m and BB.

Imaonwheels

Wed, May 07 2008, 10:47 pm

OP. you can't look many things up unless you are a rav. Why? Because their contradicting authorities so you have to know how to solve such things, there are rules of psika to be learned, there is the understanding that issues that seem to be similar in detail but in halacha they are apples and oranges. Halacha is a much more complicated study than most realize. We have been studying halacha since Moshe came down from the mountain and have not totally resolved every issue. Many simple (seemingly) questions require knowledge of basic principles that are not written in the books but have been deduced.

I learned 8 years with one of the major poskim in Israel. I have his books both of halacha l'maaseh and rules for poskim. Mamash not easy limud. I will never look up halacha in a kitzur again. The Rav taught us that they hide more than they reveal and by not teaching concepts they can cause unknowledgeable people to compare situations which halachically are totally not related.

Why on shalom bayis? I also think its nuts unless the rav is known for his success in such issues. Smicha does not make one an expert in shalom bayis or chinuch. There are rabbonim who have proved themselves in this area. It is much better than going to a marriage counselor any day.

Last edited by Imaonwheels on Thu, May 08 2008, 2:55 am; edited 1 time in total

HooRYou

Thu, May 08 2008, 1:06 am

The way I see it the issue is not so much of asking all of your question to a Rov but asking all of yoru questions to your Rov. As Imaonwheels said, if you look everything up yourslef you will find several opinions and can probably find something to say exactly what you want. You are not a neutral participant. Also, no Rov can be maikel or machmir on everything. For example, someone who is machmir on dinnei mamanos will be maikel on bein adom l'chaveiro.

If you follow the precept of a'seh l'cha Rov, and always ask the same Rov all of your questions you will always be following one derech that was based on an unbiased purely torahdik opinion. You also develop a relationship with the Rov and since he knows more background can give you a more personalized answer. I have heard stories where a person with a real kesher to a particular Rov got a very specific answer to a question, even when the Rov publically advocates for a different opinion.

The real question is how to fnd a Rov for yourself and become attached. I would love real answers ont hat one for DH, since although I really long for a real Rov, DH doesn't have one.

freidasima

Thu, May 08 2008, 5:39 am

Imaonwheels is right, there is a beis din for various things but you have to make sure to go to an official one. what our neighbors meant by a "beis din" was three rabonnim sitting together. That isn't enough and they can mess up big time as we have seen in our neighborhood! So choose wisely.

amother

Thu, May 08 2008, 8:50 am

to the OP - what about the advice 'Asei lecha rav'

amother

Thu, May 08 2008, 9:11 am

op here:
Really mostly I don't understand why with so many shalom bayis issues, it's speak to your rav! The rav doesn't know what's going on in the home. My parents are having a very hard time in their marriage, so the only person my father agreed to go to was a certain rav. He was basically their marriage counselor, but that's his field of expertise, so to speak. Not everyones rav is.

Crayon210

Thu, May 08 2008, 9:25 am

Why do you think anyone meant to go to a rav who doesn't know what he's talking about?

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