keep her back? | Imamother

amother

Wed, Apr 11 2012, 7:50 pm

I'm of the opinion that if a child is born in November or December, unless they are on top of the class in all areas, why not keep them back, and have them be the oldest in the class?

One of my daughters is the youngest in the class, and though her teachers claim she's doing okay, I really wish I had kept her back, cuz I just don't feel that she's ready for a lot of what she needs to do in school. I now have to make that decision with a child in kindergarten who is one of the younger ones in her class. She's doing great academically and socially, but her fine motor skills aren't great and I'd love to leave her back and have her be really successful in all areas. DH isn't sure. I'd love to hear from others who kept their kids back, even though it wasn't strictly speaking "necessary"

amother

Wed, Apr 11 2012, 8:10 pm

My 2 girls were both born in nov and one I repeated pre1a and the other I didnt. my older daughter is more shy and repeating pre1a for her it was the best thing for her. my younger one is very social and while I didnt want her to be the youngest in the class, I didnt have a good enough reason to keep her back. luckily I didnt, bec she is doing great socially and academically and is in an enrichment program for kids who are smart.

granolamom

Wed, Apr 11 2012, 9:30 pm

well, here's a different situation but a reason not to 'redshirt' (obviously might not apply to your child, but this is our story)

I have a nov baby, he was not top of his class in any area. teacher recommended holding him back (4yo nursery). we chose not to because we felt he'd be bored by another year of nursery but the real reason was he started referring to the 3yo class as 'the baby class'. there was no way I could subject him to the humiliation of 'youre not big enough to move on with your peers'.
I'm glad we didnt because even though he needs extra help, his IQ testing places him in gifted ranges. his learning issues would be there nonetheless, even if he repeated a grade.
if a child is just behind the curve maybe that's a good reason, for us, he wasnt just behind, he needed extra help. that need wasnt going away with maturity. the only thing worse than being the youngest in the class and needing extra help is being the oldest, the one who was left back, and still needing extra help. I dont care what anyone tells me, I see that some teachers label the kids who were left back and it does follow them. sets up a type of expectation.
obviously this type of decision is so dependent on who your child is. personally, if my child was doing well, I wouldnt rock the boat to gamble for better. fine motor skills will catch up in time but what if she has trouble fitting in to a younger group when she's well acclimated to an older group?
then of course there's the end game to consider. assuming she's doing well and can succeed without repeating, why not give her the edge of graduating a year younger than her peers? and repeating means an extra years tuition.

groisamomma

Wed, Apr 11 2012, 11:12 pm

I am a strong believer in keeping back end-of-year children, unless they are the absolute top in every area socially and academically, which they usually are not.

There's nothing wrong with being the oldest and feeling the greatest as a little kid in a big class. Personally, that's the edge I think such kids should have. I have seen several people graduate early and none of them are better of because of it, whereas I have seen and taught plenty of kids that were left back for no major reasons an all are better for it, not worse. It certainly can't hurt to keep back.

Marion

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:13 am

Cut off dates are pretty arbitrary, and I DON'T believe in keeping a kid back just because they're "end of the year babies". (Example, my cousin, who is 3 weeks OLDER than my sister, was a year behind her in school...not because he was kept back but because the cut off date was different in the two jurisdictions. He was among the oldest in the class, she was among the youngest.)

I think there have to be much stronger reasons than that to hold a child out of his or her cohort. It may not become an issue immediately, but down the road it will be.

paprika

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:17 am

amother wrote:

Can anyone think of any reason not to keep her back? Her principal doesn't want her to be too far ahead of her peers, but I've never seen a kid suffer when school is too easy for them.

Are we talking about a school with a high academic level or a low academic level? If it is on a low academic level, then the kids who their brains are understimulated end up sometimes having behavior/disrespectful issues. If their academic level is a high one, I can't think of any reasons.

ROFL

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:39 am

My DD was kept back because she could not keep up with her class. It totally ruined her self image and the teachers were horrible and treated her like she was stupid for the next few years. She still needed tutoring and additional help. She could have had the extra help with the older class just as well.

amother

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:44 am

and here's the other side of the coin. Both in dd's class and ds's class, one 7th grade and one 4th grade, the biggest bullies in BOTH classes are kids who were held back -- one who was held back b/c the parents were concerned and he's an October birthday and the other who was held back on the school's recommendation.

Neither have major learning issues, they're just "older" and in ds's case "bigger" physically and they use it to their advantage.

Having taught HS, I can usually pick out the girls who are younger, but mostly socially not academically. In my current class there are two girls who are a year ahead of where they should be chronologically, and they're both doing amazingly both academically and socially.

I have a November dd that I'm deciding what to do with now. Still don't know.

paprika

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 9:18 am

ROFL wrote:

Your daughter was kept back in kindergarten, or an older grade? It makes a difference.

amother

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:28 pm

She's been in the school for 1 year. At first, when I brought up the idea to her in passing, she told me that she doesn't want to be in a class of babies, but when I told her she would get to be the oldest and I told her the names of some of the kids who would be in her class that she likes, she was happy with the idea. (4 year olds are not exactly difficult to convince).

She has OT and PT and I'd like to really give her another year to catch up, her teacher isn't sure its a good idea since her motor skills are the only area she's behind in, academically she's on the higher end of the class. I say so what?

ROFL

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 1:09 pm

She was kept back in kindergarten. Orginally the teachers promised her she could help with the new kids in class, but they did not let her help when she started agian in sept. she was upset because she hoguth she would be the helper.

paprika wrote:

ROFL wrote:

Your daughter was kept back in kindergarten, or an older grade? It makes a difference.

Ruchel

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 1:12 pm

Marion wrote:

Cut off dates are pretty arbitrary, and I DON'T believe in keeping a kid back just because they're "end of the year babies". .

This. I would be livid if someone did that to my child, and would even change school.

Nowadays though, it seems the norm is to have been kept back once during your school years... a sad tale of parents and teachers who have given up educating.

ElTam

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 3:16 pm

This is such a hard issue, especially once they have started school. My youngest is a end-of-year baby. He's also small for his age because he was failure to thrive.

What we've decided to do is to to send him to a very structured play group and start him in school a year late. He will just then be the same size as kids in his class (IY"H).

I think the younger you hold them back the better it is, and it doesn't have to be a disaster. My brother repeated kindergarten. He is mamish brilliant but he is a December baby and couldn't sit still, stand in line, etc. He has a B.A. from a top notch university and a master's from an even more prestigious university. It worked out fine for him and he has been totally successful.

Maybe have the next year's teacher do an assessment and see what she thinks about moving the child ahead?

Hatzlacha with whatever you do. It should only be for the good!