I regret what I named my child

amother

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:14 pm

we named our child after a chasiddic persona who in the place where we currently live is VERY unknown. we did NOT know when naming them that there was a currently VERY popular secular person with a name almost identical to this name but with the emphasis on a different syllable and spelled one letter different. even when we tell frum peolpe our childs name they have to ask 5-6 times for us to repete it and typically say the name the way the secular person does.

this really hurts me. Having a jewish name is so important (one thinks about it more this time of year) and every time people say my childs name they are thinking of a secular persons name and don't even see it as a frum name. Both Dh and I have said had we KNOWN about this person we would NOT have name dc what we did Sad

but now out child is 5 months old and... well.. are we stuck? Will I regret this name forever. both dh and I agree that the middle name will be too hard to get people to call them. (Its an israile name and hard for americans and honestly its the FIRSt name that had meaning

ElTam

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:25 pm

Maybe you could say, "The name is _________. He is named for ____________, who did/was ______________." Or is there a nickname for the name that is more known that you could use?

I know what you mean though. My oldest child has a Yiddish name, but a less common variant of a common Yiddish name, so I have to correct people all the time. And her middle name is a modern Hebrew name that can be either a boy or girl's name, which throws people off. It gets tiresome explaining, no her name isn't THIS it's THAT. No, her middle name doesn't have a kamatz hey on the end, etc.

Our youngest has a name from Tanakh, a big tzaddik, but it's not a commonly used name in our community. If I only had a dollar for every time I've heard, "Well, you don't really hear that name," I'd be rich.

The point is, you DID pick a Jewish name. People's lack of knowledge isn't your fault and in time whoever this secular person is will fade from memory and people won't associate with that name so much.

amother

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:51 pm

It's okay. I totally understand the significance of names.
While I was engaged, an important person to me mentioned that my dh's last name is that of a famous Nazi German. I was shocked and goggled it. It turned out to be true, but mostly because of the way my dh spells his name. He wasn't changing the spelling and that was that. I come from a very rebbishe family with a famous last name and it hurt me that I not only would be losing my name but that I was replacing it for something I did not respect at all. I compromised with myself and hyphenated. That is how my kid’s names will be spelled - really long but that is how it is. Oh well.
Rolling Eyes

Ruchel

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:55 pm

Changing a religious name isn't so simple, adding may be easier but still very very rare in normal situations.

My dd's 3 Jewish names are basically unheard of in France. The first people say it's "not Jewish" (it's very Jewish, very Sefardi, but non Jewish origin as it is Ladino), the second people are just perplexed (also Ladino), the third people assume it is Tova as they don't know Yiddish. It gets annoying and tiring. But BH we name after family, so it's worth it. I correct people again and again. And know if they discriminate against Ladino names, that they are not good company.

Ruchel

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 12:59 pm

amother wrote:

Look, Nazis had German names. Rebbes also often had German names. It's bound to happen.

From Yad Vashem:

Hitler, Baile Sara 1916 Mikulince, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Khana 1920 Tarnopol, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Khana 1920 Tarnopol, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Fajcia Feicha 1897 Zaleszczyki, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Joszajahu 1900 Tarnopol, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Bila Bela 1880 Tarnopol, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Moses 1895 Zaleszcyki, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Fajcia 1905 Zaleszcyki, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Yosef Tarnopol, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Yolan Jolan Ipolysag, Czechoslovakia List of murdered Jews from Yizkor books
Hitler, Shifra 1912 Czortkow, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Henia Sara List of persecuted persons
Hitler, Herman Tarnopol, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Hinda Hinde Mikulince, Poland List of murdered Jews from Yizkor books
Hitler, Yosef Josef Mikulince, Poland List of murdered Jews from Yizkor books
Hitler, Leib Mikulince, Poland List of murdered Jews from Yizkor books
Hitler, Yosef Josef Mikulince, Poland List of murdered Jews from Yizkor books
Hitler, Salka - 1900 Tarnopol, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Schprince Shprintza 1890 Mikulince, Poland Page of Testimony
Hitler, Pesia 1920 Mikulince, Poland Page of Testimony

myself

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 1:15 pm

amother wrote:

Amother, I'm amazed that someone would say something this hurtful Rolling Eyes

. When you say you've been hyphenating do you mean to say that you spell your name like this: First name dh's last name-your maiden name? It is pretty long and probably confusing. Instead why don't you just spell DH's last name differently when spelling your name?

OP, as other's have suggested I would probably use a nickname if at all possible. It's upsetting when you don't like your childs name especially when you specifically wanted this name at the outset. On the other hand if you explain that the name is different I'm sure people will eventually pick it up. You may need to keep correcting them at first but they will hopefully pronounce it correctly after a while.

Last edited by myself on Thu, Apr 12 2012, 1:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 1:16 pm

Ruchel wrote:

amother wrote:

Thank you

myself

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 1:18 pm

Ruchel wrote:

amother wrote:

I must say this was quite enlightening. I don't know of anyone with this surname today so I presume that they were either sadly all wiped out or they changed their name...

amother

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 1:25 pm

OP-
Itn helps a little but still makes it hard as I sing "youv got a jewish anme" on uncle moishy with dc1 people call dc2 a name thinking its secular!

myself wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

amother wrote:

I must say this was quite enlightening. I don't know of anyone with this surname today so I presume that they were either sadly all wiped out or they changed their name...

myself

Thu, Apr 12 2012, 1:25 pm

amother wrote:

OP here. Dh and I tried to come up with a nickname that still sounded okay.. not really thinking of anything Sad

I wish I could give the name and ask for suggestions... but that would 100% give me way to everyone Sad

There have been a number of threads discussing names. Perhaps you can give it some time and then begin another thread about that name. There are so many name threads that nobody will be able to link it to this one and that way you can keep your anonymity. I hope you find a nickname that you both like!

ewa-jo

Sat, Apr 14 2012, 1:57 pm

amother wrote:

there was a currently VERY popular secular person with a name almost identical to this name but with the emphasis on a different syllable and spelled one letter different.

Is it possible that the secular person is someone whose fame will wane with time, so that when your child is older, people don't automatically think of the secular person with the similar name?

Oftentimes, someone is famous for their music or political career or athletic achievements and *everyone* is talking about them, and then their fame runs out and in a few years, no one remembers then anymore. It's certainly possible that everyone will forget about this very popular person one day.

amother

Sat, Apr 14 2012, 2:39 pm

Oh wow, I really feel for you OP. In fact, I came to this forum to post a similar thread.

I had my baby a week ago BH and DH and I had not agreed on names. We each had a list and on each of our lists was one name the other liked, so we were debating between those 2 names for a few weeks. Both of us saw positives and negatives about each name but we could not come to an agreement. For me, neither name was perfect.

After DH attended the birth, he said I could choose the name, but I did not want to commit to my choice. We started to think of other names and a name we had mentioned a few months before came back into discussion. I liked the name but didn't want to agree to it yet because I had not had enough time to think about it, plus I had just given birth so my mind was not focussed.

To cut a long story short, it transpired that DH's choice of name would be too difficult for my family to pronounce so that left my name plus the "new" name. I persuaded DH to give my choice of name with the "new" name as middle name, even though he did not want to give 2 names but almost as soon as we told the hospital, I regretted it.

OK, so I am a week post partum and hormones are flying but I have been crying inconsolably about the name every day. I wish we had given just the "new" name. To make matters worse, I am not in my country of birth and it appears that there is a stupid nickname here for people with the name we gave. So far, lots of people who we told the name to (including MIL) have called my baby this name and it upsets me. I now feel that I really can't stand the name and if we had had just one extra day to think about the name we would not have made this mistake :-(

Anyway, not helpful I know, but you are not alone, OP.

smile85

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 12:09 am

I don't know what the name is, but my parents gave me an unusual name.

They started calling me a nickname of that -- a name I have yet to hear. There was even a baby gift with that name on it.

Probably a year later, they decided what they're calling me -- a more common nickname for that name, and Im happy they did that.

I'd say try to find a name that relates and use that.

I know someone named Zeesel who goes by Naomi. Everyone was so confused by her wedding invite, but they figured "sweet" and "pleasant" were similar enough and nobody ever knew that wasn't her official name.

chevron

Sun, Apr 15 2012, 1:09 am

amother wrote:

Is it the childs Jewish name you don't like or the one on the birth certificate? If it's the one on the birth certificate you can change it and tell your relatives you are calling the child by a different name.