How can I get her to be discreet?

sarahd

Thu, Dec 14 2006, 8:45 pm

I have a new neighbor, whom I know slightly from before. (I.e., I was her head-counselor in daycamp....20 years ago; I met her when she moved to town and a couple of times after that.) Today she came over to get the key to her new apartment and we got to talking, and she told me the following unsolicited tidbits, among other juicy items:
- when she became a nidah and how
- her mikveh practices
- some of her and her husband's habits during relations. shock

I am NOT interested in this stuff!!!!! I wouldn't want to hear it from my best friend, let alone a virtual stranger! OTOH, she really needs a friend here because she's lonely and hates it here. How do I tactfully get her to keep private stuff private while not offending or embarrassing her?

chocolate moose

Thu, Dec 14 2006, 8:57 pm

If she's on ImaMother, you won't have any problem..........lol.........

But seriously, is she not British? Maybe she's just not as sensitive as you are.....it still doesn't stop her, though.............

Can't stick your fingers in your ears and do LALALA can you..............

Sounds like you'll have to confront her. TMI. Big time.

Squash

Thu, Dec 14 2006, 9:04 pm

LOL Moose, you're really funny!!!!

Good luck, Sarahd. This is a really uncomfortable sitch. I must admit, I'm a bit of a whimp in such cases (where I need to tell someone something uncomfortable) although I'm trying to work on myself to become more assertive. Hatzlocha

healthymama

Thu, Dec 14 2006, 9:06 pm

don't do anything. Just be friendly and polite and soon she will get the hint that that sort of conversation is not accepted in your area. Most likely, that is what ladies talked about wherever she came from, so she just got into the habit of using these topics to fill conversations and share juicy tidbits. If you don't respond to it, she will stop.

Motek

Thu, Dec 14 2006, 9:52 pm

How did you respond? What look did she see on your face?

She said so much it seems you were being really cool about this information (maybe she kept going to see if you would react to anything!)

I think the direct approach is best since otherwise, doesn't sound like she'll stop. And if you can convey that it's not just you who mind but that this information shouldn't be shared with ANYONE, you would be doing her a toiva.

sarahd

Tue, Dec 19 2006, 8:26 am

You make a good point, Motek. I know I didn't say anything to encourage her, but on the other hand I didn't (out of misplaced politeness, perhaps, or just from being thrown off-balance - no one has ever told me this sort of thing!) actually discourage her (although I'm sure the expression on my face showed my discomfort, but I don't think she's the type to pick up on non-verbal cues.)

I'll have to be straight with her, I guess. Sigh. embarrassed