Anxiety and aggression

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Advanced Search Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother

Tue, May 15 2012, 1:50 pm

What does anxiety look like in children? can it make them aggressive?

mazelandbracha

Tue, May 15 2012, 4:54 pm

Sometimes. When a child feels unsafe he or she can do a lot of different things - striking out at the world is one. Hiding is another. What are you seeing?

granolamom

Tue, May 15 2012, 6:21 pm

anxiety in children can look like anything: anxiety, adhd, depression, anger, aggression, passivity, clinginess, bullying, etc.

michal817

Tue, May 15 2012, 9:20 pm

Anxiety, at its most basic, is excessive and uncontrollable worry about one or more topics/events. It can manifest as aggression, depending on what the source of the anxiety is. Or it can look like any number of things, like granolamom said. Can you give us a little more information about your child and what he/she is experiencing and doing?

amother

Fri, May 18 2012, 8:39 am

He is so sweet and caring one minute, but then out of nowhere he lashes out. And for a five year old, he is freakishly strong. And he'll lash out at everyone. Siblings, friends (or rather peers, since at the moment he has no friends Sad

) he's had incidents in school where he beat up the teachers, the school counselor and the principal. And when he gets reprimanded he just smiles.

I just posted another thread explaining more in detail (emotionally disturbed 5 yo) but basically he's been evaluated and he's NOT on the spectrum, he's NOT gifted, NO sensory issues, NO learning disabilities. NO speech delays, Which means it's all emotional and behavioral.

I have other kids who are well behaved. So I know it's not our parenting.

He doesn't seem to be a worrier, but I know he keeps a lot inside. Like yesterday he had a hard time saying goodbye to dh when he dropped him off in school and he wouldn't let him go for almost an hour. The rest of the day went fine. I mean, typical (for him) bullying kids, but nothing extraordinary. He came home and everything was fine. Then all of a sudden he had a huge freak-out tantrum in his room bc his legos wouldn't fit. (good thing none of his siblings were there with him or he would have taken it out on them... throwing furniture at them and whatnot.)

When I went to see what was happening, he was crying bitter tears and couldn't calm down and curled up in my lap. Finally, after crying for 20 minutes he told me he was sad bc he wanted his dad to stay in school with him...

Stuff like this happens all the time... he's been like this since he was 18 months, and it hasn't gotten any better...

I don't know waht to do anymore...

amother

Fri, May 18 2012, 8:41 am

granolamom wrote:

anxiety in children can look like anything: anxiety, adhd, depression, anger, aggression, passivity, clinginess, bullying, etc.

OP here, all of the above, except for maybe passivity

Clarissa

Fri, May 18 2012, 8:47 am

Have you had him seen by a child psychologist and a developmental pediatrician?

supermom!

Fri, May 18 2012, 9:02 am

Have you or your family been going through difficult times? Is he your oldest? Have you tried focusing attention on validating how he feels? Does he feel like the world is agaist him?

amother

Fri, May 18 2012, 12:47 pm

Clarissa wrote:

Have you had him seen by a child psychologist and a developmental pediatrician?

He is seeing child psychologist, but not psychiatrist. The psychologist is basically telling me it doesn't matter WHY he's behaving like this. Right now we need to teach him it's not acceptable. Ever. Eventually when he's older, if it's still a problem, and behavior modifications are still not helping, then we can think about seeing a psychiatrist. But for now he's too young...

supermom! wrote:

Have you or your family been going through difficult times? Is he your oldest? Have you tried focusing attention on validating how he feels? Does he feel like the world is agaist him?

This behavior has been constant since he was a toddler. Explosive tantrums and all. It's never gotten better. B'H nothing too traumatic has happened to him in his life. He's my second oldest. I tried being good cop. bad cop. I tried trying to get inside his head to figure out his feelings. He's not very good at expressing them (typical guy) But I know he is a very intense person with intense feelings.

groisamomma

Fri, May 18 2012, 2:46 pm

OP, I've just recently heard of a woman in Lakewood that does special exercise (don't laugh, I'm serious) with children like this. A relative of mine has a kid that fits your ds's description to a T and she's doing it now for her son.

The name of the woman is Krupenia. I'm not sure which exact one it is bec. there's a few. I can find out if you're interested.

granolamom

Fri, May 18 2012, 2:49 pm

amother wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

Have you had him seen by a child psychologist and a developmental pediatrician?

supermom! wrote:

Have you or your family been going through difficult times? Is he your oldest? Have you tried focusing attention on validating how he feels? Does he feel like the world is agaist him?

this breaks my heart. get a new psychologist. of course it matters why! a child who feels right behaves right. he knows its unacceptable. this is not about behavior mod. this is about getting to the root of his problem. a 5 yo who cries for 20 min because he wants his father to stay in school with him does not need a star chart. he needs support. I dont have the time right now to get into it but we have a few children with various anxieties and we've been BH very successful with learning how to help them self soothe and cope in this big wide world. you need a psychologist who has been successful showing parents how to teach their children to manage anxiety,not one who will take your money for years until he passes you off to psych for meds.

michal817

Sat, May 19 2012, 10:27 pm

It sounds like the psychologist your child is seeing is a big fan of behavior modification. While behavior modification has its place, and it's true that your son does need to learn that the behaviors are unacceptable, it is definitely NOT enough! If you don't get to the root of the problem (why he's engaging in the behaviors), then you're only treating the symptoms - and even if he stops the current behaviors, he may move on to even worse behaviors!

I would switch to a new psychologist, one who has a more cognitive approach and has experience dealing with anxiety disorders - to make sure it really is anxiety and not another issue, and that he gets the appropriate care he needs. I wish you the best of luck!!

amother

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 10:24 pm

groisamomma wrote:

that would be awesome.. im in the same situation and not sure how to hold out!!

amother

Mon, Sep 15 2014, 3:43 pm

Hey did you ever sort this out???

Page 1 of 1