Aveilus when parent sitting shiva?

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Forum -> Judaism -> Halachic Questions and Discussions

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amother

Tue, May 29 2012, 8:39 am

My father in law just lost his brother and will be sitting shiva. Will my husband need to keep any laws of aveilus for the duration of the shiva? I remember a friend not being allowed to attend a wedding whilst her mother was sitting shiva for her parent, is that only because it was the girl's grandparent or are there general halachos when a parent is sitting shiva?

Don't worry I won't follow ImaRabbi blindly and will clarify with a Rav, just want to know what the possibilities are. May we only share good news!

c.c.cookie

Tue, May 29 2012, 8:41 am

I also remember that you're not supposed to go to weddings when your parent is sitting shiva.

motherinisrael

Tue, May 29 2012, 9:19 am

We were told no weddings during the week of shiva until Shabbos.

amother

Tue, May 29 2012, 9:23 am

motherinisrael wrote:

We were told no weddings during the week of shiva until Shabbos.

Did the parent lose a parent or sibling?

Marion

Tue, May 29 2012, 12:49 pm

I think these are done out of respect for the parent, not because one is in aveilut.

By the same token, I do remember reading (Rabbi Lamm) that one who feels close to the person who passed away (a son-in-law or daughter-in-law or sibling-in-law) is PERMITTED to take on some of the halachot of aveilut such as avoiding smachot, but it's not at all obligatory.

amother

Tue, May 29 2012, 2:39 pm

My mother just lost her brother 2 weeks ago- I was not allowed to go to any weddings, vorts, or simchas for the week of aveilus until shabbos. It has nothing to do with who your parent is sitting for.

Isramom8

Tue, May 29 2012, 2:45 pm

It probably just seems right, but in some circumstances it wouldn't apply. I live near my father. When he sat shiva for his brother, I basically sat with him all week.

ntm1

Tue, May 29 2012, 2:53 pm

It usually applies only if you live in the same city as your parent who is sitting shiva.

amother

Wed, May 30 2012, 8:48 am

ntm1 wrote:

It usually applies only if you live in the same city as your parent who is sitting shiva.

Update - OP here. Although FIL lives nearby he is sitting shiva in another city so our Rav paskened that it's ok for DH to attend. Thanks.

amother

Wed, May 30 2012, 8:52 am

Just to clarify - I just realised that I never mentioned that the question was about attending a relatives wedding. Though we were told that if FIL was sitting shiva in town he wouldn't be permitted to attend.

amother

Sun, Mar 23 2014, 10:26 am

I am now in this situation, what about showers

shalhevet

Sun, Mar 23 2014, 10:42 am

amother wrote:

I am now in this situation, what about showers

I was told that this only applies when you are in the same place as your parents - about the same city I'm not sure. Applies when in the shiva house (except you don't need to take off your shoes). I was told that otherwise there are no restrictions at all - it is to do with koved for your parents and is nothing to do with who they are sitting shiva for, even if that person was not related to you at all (e.g. a spouse from a subsequent marriage).

But since other people here learned differently, ask your LOR.

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