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-> Chit Chat
Raisin
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 Wed, Dec 20 2006, 7:03 am
| amother wrote: | We are not what one would consider wealthy, but we are comfortable. I have a very pretty, superachiever daughter who dreamt of a sincere, serious, but wordly (being that she's a bright girl), Kollel boy. In our community, polished, "good learner" Kollel boys almost w/o exception, look for lots of money, especially if they have money, but even if they don't. No matter what their name is, their middle name is often Se Kumpt Mir.
She married a poor learning boy  from a top Yeshiva, and is so tyrannized by him to get as much money from us as she possibly can, over and above what we committed to, it would not be believed. I wanted comfortable machatonim like ourselves. Now, not only does she not have in-laws that can help them at all, she has an aggressive despot for a husband.
We all have to daven really hard when looking for a Shidduch.
The moral is not all poor boys are good catches, not all learning boys are good catches.  |
I wonder if your son-in-law thinks he is getting a good place in Gan Eden because of his learning.
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amother
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 7:40 am
| red sea wrote: | The other day I was having this discussion and concluded, boys from no money, even if they "make it" on their own must marry girls w/o money or the high maintenance gets stressful. Girls that grew up with $ must marry $ or they wouldnt know how to deal and it would be a disaster one way or another.
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I think I agree. My in laws were wealthy at one point while their kids were growing up and lost their money when the kids were in their late teens, early 20s. My SIL married a guy from a poor home who made it very nicely. But even with his 1/4 to 1/2 a million a year he's having a hard time keeping my SILhappy. Her expectations are just so major.
OTOH however, my other SIL married a guy from an extremely wealthy home but lives very simply and niether of them seems to need much at all. So there are exceptions.
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amother
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 9:54 am
| amother wrote: | | amother wrote: |
I am NOT chasidish, and my parents are wealthy as well |
Is there a down side to being a wealthy couple, other than worrying about Ayin Hora, and having to keep up with wealthy friends?
ALSO, Ch"v, If you lost it all tomorrow, what would you do, after being raised with everyhting? |
I never said that my dh and I are rich now. I said our parents are rich
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Ruchel
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 10:34 am
| amother wrote: | I am anonymous because I am embarrassed that I behaved this way
I dated men that had rich parents and one or two that didnt. The guys from poor families had no chance. I could not deal with it . I was brought up in a home where I got everything that I wanted. I wanted a guy who's parents could help support us and who would buy me beautiful jewelry. sick.I know. but I am being honest. |
I don't really know what qualifies as "rich" in America (probably much much more than here), but anyway.
I have dated guys from poor/modest families, because I would have accepted Mr right even if he was poor - BUT it was a "bad point" for him from the beginning.
Now, I didn't want to "trap" a guy and I didn't hide that I had "ambitions": I wanted to send all our future children to a good Jewish school, I wanted to live in a nice neighbourhood, a big apartment, I like nice clothes & jewelry and I want at least 1 big trip a year. Basically, I wanted what I was used to, not more but not less.
I also dreamed of a gorgeous engagement ring, a big wedding (in Jerusalem if possible) with a beautiful wedding car and hotel and gown, the whole “little girl dream” thing. B’h dh had the same dream (except the gown  ). I wouldn’t have believed it was so hard & long (months!) to plan though, and I cannot imagine what it would have been if I hadn’t had my grandparents living in Israel. anyway
I always knew my parents would be behind us to help (since they said so), but I didn’t want a man who would just wait for my parents’ money but who would have parents helping too, or have money himself. I also wanted a guy who would work in a good job, in case one day we have to manage on our own. It's not very wise (or nice) to do something else imho.
My problem was that generally guys who could afford all that were traditional but not shomer shabbes/kashrus and it was a dealbreaker from the start. B'h shidduchim are over (I think we all agree on that  ).
Amother with the nasty son in law, I know it won't be a huge comfort to you, but everyone pays for what he does one day, and all his "learning" (apparently without understanding the basics of yiddishkeit) won't help. (((hugs))))
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mumof1
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 4:38 pm
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actually I married my husband who is not from a wealthy family and I am.
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mumof1
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 4:44 pm
sorry I hit enter too quick.
I am from an extremly wealthy family, my husband is from a comfortable family.
my inlaws do not understand me or my needs.
my husband is starting too after a few years of marriage.
what I say is everyone should marry theyre own kind, but if they luck out like I did with dh, this is a minor thing to give in on.
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amother
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 6:05 pm
| Raisin wrote: |
I wonder if your son-in-law thinks he is getting a good place in Gan Eden because of his learning. |
I don't think he's losing any sleep over it. As time passes, the more I hear that he's got alot of his type of company (others with the same behavior and attitude) unfortunately.
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amother
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 6:12 pm
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I once dated a Rich Boy he once asked me "if I liked him becuase of his money.
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queen
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 7:28 pm
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A rich girl cried to me in seminary bec. she was scared ppl would marry her bec. of her money... (I was her madricha)
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ny21
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 7:39 pm
I kniow a women froma poor family who paid a shadcahn to find her a rich husband , and she got one!
IF YOU MARRY FOR MONEY ! YOU WILL EARN IT ! 
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bonzie
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 8:03 pm
how can someone be so foolish as to marry for money? I don't get it money comes and goes and is not in our hands, but having a sweet, kind, caring husband that will last a lifetime and you always have that stability. I grew up never lacking a thing, but I didn't need to marry money, or the opposite, I didn't care, as long as I got a good guy, and b''h he's the best  who also did get me wonderful jewelery!
Also my mother helps volunteer for the more needy and she knows of many formerly wealthy doctors, dentists and lawyers, that are on the list to get food and and other things from orginizations, so a/o of those wives that married for money are left with zero...
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redhot
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 8:54 pm
| bonzie wrote: | how can someone be so foolish as to marry for money? I don't get it money comes and goes and is not in our hands, but having a sweet, kind, caring husband that will last a lifetime and you always have that stability. I grew up never lacking a thing, but I didn't need to marry money, or the opposite, I didn't care, as long as I got a good guy, and b''h he's the best who also did get me wonderful jewelery!
Also my mother helps volunteer for the more needy and she knows of many formerly wealthy doctors, dentists and lawyers, that are on the list to get food and and other things from orginizations, so a/o of those wives that married for money are left with zero... |
I highly doubt that person who has a medical degree or law degree would fall so low that they needed food etc. Those are generally the type of jobs that have job stability. Even if it doesnt make you rich, you will certainly not be poor. I question the validity of your statement. Perhaps you are mistaken?
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Mevater
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 9:45 pm
| bonzie wrote: |
Also my mother helps volunteer for the more needy and she knows of many formerly wealthy doctors, dentists and lawyers, that are on the list to get food and and other things from orginizations, so a/o of those wives that married for money are left with zero... |
Does your mother perhaps volunteer in a jail? Because that's a likely place to find hard up doctors and lawyers. The few that break the law, as a result of greediness, end up there.
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bonzie
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 9:56 pm
| letsbehonest wrote: | | bonzie wrote: |
Also my mother helps volunteer for the more needy and she knows of many formerly wealthy doctors, dentists and lawyers, that are on the list to get food and and other things from orginizations, so a/o of those wives that married for money are left with zero... |
Does your mother perhaps volunteer in a jail? Because that's a likely place to find hard up doctors and lawyers. The few that break the law, as a result of greediness, end up there. |
I don't think my mother would go within a five mile radius of a jail, shes not the type
sometimes you don't have to break the law to end up with in..sometimes its not barshert for you to have no matter what you do, or how hard you try
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bonzie
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 9:59 pm
| sthillmom wrote: | | bonzie wrote: | how can someone be so foolish as to marry for money? I don't get it money comes and goes and is not in our hands, but having a sweet, kind, caring husband that will last a lifetime and you always have that stability. I grew up never lacking a thing, but I didn't need to marry money, or the opposite, I didn't care, as long as I got a good guy, and b''h he's the best who also did get me wonderful jewelery!
Also my mother helps volunteer for the more needy and she knows of many formerly wealthy doctors, dentists and lawyers, that are on the list to get food and and other things from orginizations, so a/o of those wives that married for money are left with zero... |
I highly doubt that person who has a medical degree or law degree would fall so low that they needed food etc. Those are generally the type of jobs that have job stability. Even if it doesnt make you rich, you will certainly not be poor. I question the validity of your statement. Perhaps you are mistaken? |
my father is a medical doctor, he knows many associates that need help and are in major debt, I don't see why it is so hard for u to believe this, many wealthy ppl need more and more and then fall into debt and seem rich when actually the bank is abt to forclose their house, I know bcz my family has helped these people..
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amother
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 10:07 pm
| bonzie wrote: |
my father is a medical doctor, he knows many associates that need help and are in major debt, I don't see why it is so hard for u to believe this, many wealthy ppl need more and more and then fall into debt and seem rich when actually the bank is abt to forclose their house, I know bcz my family has helped these people.. |
Luckily for them, their likelihood of rebounding is high, because of their level of education. Others that lose everything, have a harder time rebounding. Not impossible, but harder.
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Mevater
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 10:18 pm
| bonzie wrote: |
Also my mother helps volunteer for the more needy and she knows of many formerly wealthy doctors, dentists and lawyers, that are on the list to get food and and other things from orginizations, so a/o of those wives that married for money are left with zero... |
Have we forgotten...............? 
If you're looking for prestige, marry a Doctor.
If you're looking for money, marry a plumber.
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bonzie
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 10:37 pm
| letsbehonest wrote: | | bonzie wrote: |
Also my mother helps volunteer for the more needy and she knows of many formerly wealthy doctors, dentists and lawyers, that are on the list to get food and and other things from orginizations, so a/o of those wives that married for money are left with zero... |
Have we forgotten...............?
If you're looking for prestige, marry a Doctor.
If you're looking for money, marry a plumber. |
or a garbage man 4 years ago the average salary was 75,000.00 sign me up
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amother
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Wed, Dec 20 2006, 10:40 pm
| bonzie wrote: |
or a garbage man 4 years ago the average salary was 75,000.00 sign me up |
Put the garbage man on the back burner. Plumbers have cash businesses. Uh oh, am I allowed to say that?
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my father is a respectable rov & goes to jail 6 days a week.
