Playgroup | Imamother

amother

Thu, Dec 21 2006, 1:59 pm

U think sending a child 2 playgroup at 21 months is ok? I want 2 send dd for 3 hrs a day, I think at home she's being shortchanged bc her baby bro is very high needs and kvetchy. I feel like a terbble parent bc I can't play with dd and take care of her like I should bc I always have to tend to the screaming baby.

shininglight

Thu, Dec 21 2006, 2:43 pm

I'm probably in the minority, but I think that sending a 21 month-old to playgroup is totally fine.

If if makes you a better mother, you'll have more QUALITY time with her when she comes home. And, she'll be able to start with social skills and things like that.

And it's only 3 hrs a day! I think it might be great for both of you.

Motek

Sat, Dec 23 2006, 6:47 pm

shininglight wrote:

If if makes you a better mother, you'll have more QUALITY time with her when she comes home. And, she'll be able to start with social skills and things like that.

Wow! She'll get a head start with social skills! Excuse me while I Puke

shalhevet

Sat, Dec 23 2006, 7:14 pm

shininglight wrote:

I agree with shininglight. And if you find a good one, with a warm, caring carer she'll probably love it.

NotInNJMommy

Sat, Dec 23 2006, 7:51 pm

I'd also say, if your inkling is that this would be better for her and that she'd get more attention and interaction for those few hours by being there than at home, then try it for a bit. Remember there's always adjustment, but after given that time, see how she is. If she's happier overall, then maybe that's what she needs.

My son also needs a lot of interaction. B"H I run a playgroup so he gets both me and other kids to play with. I think for not more than 3 hours, and depending on the child if at all, a playgroup can give mommy and child many benefits.

Of course, I'm not referring to mothers who must work to make ends meet, then you find the best situation you can find while still making rent.

amother

Sat, Dec 23 2006, 8:48 pm

Tefila wrote:

Quote:

think at home she's being shortchanged bc her baby bro is very high needs and kvetchy. I

High needs such as Confused

High needs such as cries non stop, never naps, needs to be held or else he will scream his head off, you name it. And no he's not a newborn, he's 6 months old and I haven't slept more than 5 broken hours since he was born.

amother

Sat, Dec 23 2006, 8:52 pm

whats wrong? what does your doctor say? ive heard of ppl who help with birth trauma and kids who have screamed and screames, relaxed after. oy... I hope things get better for both of u.... why not have some help in the house to hold the baby so u can spend time with your 21 month old?

I dont think its way too young as long as its an amazing playgroup, good asult child ratio, and your child is HAPPY it can be great.

shininglight

Sun, Dec 24 2006, 9:34 am

Motek wrote:

shininglight wrote:

If if makes you a better mother, you'll have more QUALITY time with her when she comes home. And, she'll be able to start with social skills and things like that.

Wow! She'll get a head start with social skills! Excuse me while I Puke

Motek, there was probably a more polite way of disagreeing with me. Throwing up in my face isn't the nicest thing to do.

Also, I would be very interested in your opinion and why you think 21-month olds can't pick up social skills.

I think it would be nice if you could explain yourself and your stance instead of just attacking.

amother

Sun, Dec 24 2006, 10:12 am

To OP,
Just wanna tell you I understand about your high needs baby. One of my kids was one of those. It's difficult for mothers who haven't experienced it to understand it.
I have found that hiring a sitter to take care of needy one was VERY helpful. Gave me some time off from the non-stop crying. Baby being cared for by caring sitter for three hours a day may not be as affected as 21-month-old being away from Mommy. 21-month old is more likely to develop attachment disorder if Mommy is always busy with crying baby and in addition sends her away to be out of mommy's reach.
Also, toddlers develop excellent social skills by spending lots of time with mommy, talking to them, holding them, interacting with them. The security a toddler gets from your caring and interactive presence cannot be compared to 'social skills' they learn from other toddlers their own age....
OY, wish I had a magic solution. Hoping things get better for you soon.

happymom

Sun, Dec 24 2006, 11:18 am

amother, very well said Wink

Although in many situations I dont think its a bad thing for a 21 month old to be in a GOOD playgroup for a couple hours a day, I agree BECAUSE of the other baby is not a good time to "send them away" (which is what they might feel......)

however, as far as social skills. I have a 22 month old daughter. she has been with me since day one. I am iyh going to send her to a very loving preschool/playgroup next year when she is 2 and a half. everyone tells me..... WOW, she talks SO WELL, and interacts with other kids SO nicely, what school does she go to?? or, wow, she knows her colors, shapes and alef beis, did she learn that in school? the fact is It doesnt really matter if they know these things at this age or not, but the answer is NO, she learned it by being home with her mommy! I am iyh having another baby in a couple months , and I have thought about the playgroup option. I decided to keep her homw with me though till next year and have some help during the day, since I dont feel comfortable sending her to a playgroup cuz I dont know of any really good ones. besides many kids her age dont communicate and I dont need her being pusehd and hit all the time, which will just make her more upset!(especially if the teachers dont deal with it well.... ) especuially if she knows her mommy is home with ANOTher baby..... I know it will be hard and hopefully ive made the right decision..... anways good luck to u! and I hope things get easier!!!!

Motek

Sun, Dec 24 2006, 6:31 pm

shininglight - why would you think it was in your face? I'm way too polite for that! Wink

I reacted to your comment which I found quite distressing. Yes, it could have been nicer. Why wasn't it? Nothing personal about you. I am reacting to numerous comments on this forum which denigrate mothers and their role in raising their babies, toddlers, and children.

The thread that I referred to above elaborates on my opinion. In short, a 21 month old child needs her mother, period. By being in a group she might pick up various things, however, in my opinion, it's worth bupkes.

HealthCoach

Sun, Dec 24 2006, 10:51 pm

Motek, I would have to say that the first day the daughter will cry when her mother leaves. I think after the adjustment period her daughter will have a blast. I have never sent a 21 month old to playgroup for financial reasons. At times I have felt bad about it. My two year old niece loooooooooves school. She makes projects, learns songs etc. Is a 3 yo any happier the first day? Is a 4 yo? By my daughter's first grade orientation (5 years ago) there was another first grade class in which one girl started crying and there was a chain reaction.

greenfire

Sun, Dec 24 2006, 10:53 pm

I can guess - I can hear her cries now!!!

Each kid is different - I would try it but not hold her to it cause she might just feel more ignored than she already feels with baby getting all the attention. Maybe you could get someone to help w/baby and spend some time only with her at the library or something

BlumaG

Sun, Dec 24 2006, 11:12 pm

I run a playgroup only 3 days a wk, maybe a few days is better than everyday?
my 18 month old and 3 yr old are with me, but u know it depends on the kids personality
my older DD wud have loved to go herself and these days when I have to take a day off she loves to go w/out me, I havnt dared to send my younger DD herself yet, still too clingy...

happymom

Mon, Dec 25 2006, 10:56 am

yes I think a 3 year old who has been with his mother and has been prepared for school and can communicate well IS more ready for school and it will be easier. I dont think its bad for a two year old (like I said before) to be in a playgroup but if hes with a loving mother who gives him what he needs, and makes sure he naps when needed and takes him out etc, what could be better? Wink