Need the thoughts of working mothers of infants/toddlers

black sheep

Thu, Jun 21 2012, 11:36 pm

did not have time to read through all the replies, but this topic is so close to my heart that I want to respond. when my first two children were little, I worked full time, literally 9-5 so I was out of the house 8-6 monday through thursday, and friday I came home a couple hours before shabbos. I am naturally very nuturing, I love babies and toddlers, and it was so difficult for me emotionally, but my kids survived Smile

the biggest issue is showing your kids extra love and attention when you are with them, so that they know you love them. now let me answer your questions:

1. do you feel that your child is very close to you?d

I always felt close to my kids. I bonded with them daily, and made them a priority of my time. I cooked very basic and easy dinners, had cleaning help, so that I could spend the entire evening with my toddlers. when my oldest was 1 and at the babysitter full day, I would wake up with him at 5AM (this wasn't my choice, it was his) nurse, spend time playing, and by the time I brought him to the babysitter at 8AM he was ready for a nap. then I had her put him in for another nap at 3 so when I picked him up at 6, he was ready to "hang out" with me until 10PM! this was more difficult as he got older, but as long as your kids are the priority in your evening, they will bond with you and be close to you.

2. does a child that young express sadness that you arent spending all that time with them anymore?

they recover so fast, it is almost insulting. after a year devoting all your time to your toddlers, it takes only about a week for them to get used to not spending time with you. they might cry at the beginning, but if they are at a good daycare, this should only last about 1-2 weeks.

3. does anyone have their toddler in daycare for 32 hours a week? what is your experience with that?

I did. I missed them so much, I thought about them all day, I even took out pictures to stare out during the day. as far as the kids are concerned, they enjoyed the playgroup and had a great time, and enjoyed the evenings with me.

4. do you miss milestones? how does that work?

this is more drama than reality. I am home basically full time with my youngest kid, and I was sometimes in the kitchen when he took his first step, folding laundry when he said his first word, or out on date night with dh when he sang the cutest song ever I should have seen... the "first step" is not the milestone but rather the fact that he is walking, and you will see that as soon as you get home.

5. is it possible to give chinuch to a child who is in playgroup that much? how does it work when they are with their morah for so long and she is giving chinuch and then they come home to you and you do things differently?

do you and your husband do everything EXACTLY the same? because, most likely you have subtle differences, and probably some big ones, and your babies are already learning about diversity. I would not suggest sending to a playgroup with a vastly different hashkafa than you, but if the differences are within the range of your hashkafa, that's fine. also, you have a lot of say in how your playgroup interacts with your child. speak up.

I hope this helps. if you have any other questions, let me know.