feel like the worlds worst mother

eschaya

Tue, Jun 12 2012, 12:31 pm

Today was my son's kindergarden graduation, and because there are two parallel classes one had the graduation scheduled for 9:15 and the other at 11:00. I've been really busy lately (worked day shift yesterday and the day before), pregnant, going to bed around midnight then getting up at 5:45 for work. I also have been trying last minute to throw together a gift for each of my kids teachers so I was up late last night doing that, and I figured I'd be able to finish the gifts and bring them to the graduation today. I also had a phone meeting with work from 7:30 to 9 am this morning.
And with all the hectic activity, I just assumed (I thought it was more of knowledge than an assumption, but can't trace where that originated) that my son's class was graduating at 11:00. So everything was worked out.
At 9 am my oldest is off at school, dh took the youngest to playgroup, and I am home in PJs and a tichel on the phone conference with work while working on finishing the presents for the teachers... when dh runs in frantically telling me to get off the phone and into the car! Turns out that my son's class is graduating at 9:15, we live half hour away from school, I'm not dressed, on conference call with work... CHAOS! I threwh on basic clothes and took my sheitel and makeup in the car.
We made it halfway through the graduation. He missed his first part (out of 2). I was in tears. B"h ds handled himself and the disappointment really well. He walked up on stage to join his class even though I'm sure he was embarrassed and devastated to have missed most of this important event that they've been planning for weeks. But I am a mess.
I feel like the worst mother in the world. Not only am I neglectful about writing mitzva notes and baking cookies with my kids, not only do I seldom have time to volunteer and help at the school, not only do I go entire days without seeing my kids for work purposes... but today I feel like I've crossed the double-yellow line of parenthood. I'm trying so hard to do so much, to do what I feel is the right thing, but there is just not enough time for me to handle the responsibilities of daily life, and this is just too much. I made my son miss his kindergarten graduation!
Just a vent as I'm crying inside and need to get it out. Thanks for listening.

Iy"h after I have this baby I hope to move to part time work and I'm sure that will help (though how we'll survive financially is a terrifying thought) and dh keeps on reminding me that it's just another few months till things get easier (yah right, with a new baby and even less money) but at least I hope to have more time to focus on my most important assets...

Shopmiami49

Tue, Jun 12 2012, 1:06 pm

Oh wow....that sounds really rough for both you and your son...

I don't have any practical advice to offer you, but please understand that you are NOT the worst mother!! The world's worst mother WOULDN'T CARE about missing her son's graduation. You sound like an overwhelmed, overworked LOVING and CARING mother...your kids are so lucky to know that you love them.

Hopefully more Imamothers will be able to offer you some practical advice as to how to maintain a better balance between everything.

((((((HUGS)))))))

Happy 2B

Tue, Jun 12 2012, 1:18 pm

Shopmiami49 wrote:

but please understand that you are NOT the worst mother!! The world's worst mother WOULDN'T CARE about missing her son's graduation. You sound like an overwhelmed, overworked LOVING and CARING mother...your kids are so lucky to know that you love them.

ITA!!

You are not the worst mother just one who had a really hard day and is overwhelmed.. That you care so much means you are a good mother that is just struggling right now... B'shah Tova on the baby!

P.S. with so much on your head you may just start having to write things down and triple check them.. I have to do that and I don't even have a million things to remember and take care of...

Many mothers dont bake with their children they are still fantastic mothers Smile

Just be there when you are there and they will know how much you love them!

mummiedearest

Tue, Jun 12 2012, 4:06 pm

I did something similar on friday. my kids wanted to stay home, and I figured, well, it's the end of the year, they won't miss anything, it's half a day, why not? so we were enjoying a late breakfast when I got a call from my dd's teacher. she had missed school the day before for a dr appt, and I figured the teacher was just making sure she was ok. well, she wanted to know how long to stall the parents, her graduation was starting in 15 minutes! I hadn't gotten the reminder message, and we had been notified before. naturally, I forgot to write it down. fortunately my dh was late getting off to work and I was able to leave the other 2 kids with him. I ran out the door with my dd, walked to the bus stop (I don't drive) and managed to get there in time for the slide show. we missed the kids' presentation entirely, but the morah was so sweet and invited me to come in sometime this week so the kids could repeat the performance. my dd was pretty happy because she got to sit on the morahs' laps and she got the special class shirt they all got. sigh. I felt terrible about it until I realized that I would be a bad mommy for not even trying to get there...

so you're not the only one. I hope that makes you feel better...

someday we'll look back on this and laugh.

Jewishmofm

Tue, Jun 12 2012, 5:49 pm

You are an awesome mother. Missing your DC's graduation doesn't make you a bad mother - deliberately skipping the graduation, that's another story.
My mother missed my older brother's kindergarten graduation,(she was actually in labor with me) and sent my aunt with a camera and some excuse in her stead. The teacher called my mother the next day to give her mussar for being such a horrible mother...of course, that was until she heard the rest of the story. After that,I hope she praised my mother's foresight in sending the camera.