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Forum -> Children's Health
A child was molested- what would you do?
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 1:18 pm
My nephew was molested and told my sister and brother in law about it- it was a very respected Rosh Yeshiva in the community who also happens to work with an organization for troubled teens. The molestation took place within the yeshiva walls and this rabbi threatened my nephew that he would destroy him, his reputation, etc if he told anyone.
As a result, my nephew refuses to come forward and is so traumatized that no one really wants to push him.

My question is this: This man is unquestionably doing this to the young boys. I feel personally responsible to do something. Especially since all these boys at risk are now working with him and they are particularly easy targets.

I called the relations crimes number in ny and they can't prosecute without an official complainant and because my nephew just turned 18, my sister can't do it for him.

What to do?
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MommyZ




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 1:21 pm
I would have him tell me what happened, write it down and sign it and then bring it in to my local police precinct. Best of luck.
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enneamom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 1:21 pm
OMG!! Crying Crying Crying

Sorry no advice, just that I'm horrified!! shock
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ellie23




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 3:16 pm
what would I do? I would go and report it immediately to the police and I would stress that this man works with vulnerable boys in his profession. there is no reason for you, a rational adult, to know that this is going on and not report it so that it can be investigated. if you go in person to the precinct, they would probably listen to what you have to say. im sure they arent strangers to teens being too initmidated to come forward...
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geshmak




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 3:32 pm
Perhaps you should contact Dov Hikind? Or the at-risk organization he works with. I am sorry to hear about this awful situation. I really hope this animal is stopped! And may your nephew and family find healing.
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newmother




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 5:49 pm
can you call ACS? I am assuming that since this man deals with children they will want to open a case.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 5:55 pm
there is only 1 thing to do now get a razor sharp knife cut off all his fingers and then the other one down there. thats the only way to stop these pple
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 6:18 pm
This is a tough one. Rosh yeshiva? The community will be in an uproar. There will be many supporters who will not believe a word. It has to be investigated! Go to police. Child protective services. What do your nephew's parents say?

My nephew was also molested. He will not identify his abuser on record. The abuser has abused others we know. It is a tragedy that because of fear and intimidation these monsters are protected by the law that works more for them then it does the victims.
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chanitroy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 6:29 pm
it's important to ask your rav about going to the police. the rav needs to evaluate: how many innocent neshamos (all his family) will be harmed if you tell on him, and how many innocent people will continue to be harmed if not taken to the police. either way the rav has the resposibility to deal with this man personally to try to get him to change and stop doing what he's doing
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 6:35 pm
chanitroy wrote:
it's important to ask your rav about going to the police. the rav needs to evaluate: how many innocent neshamos (all his family) will be harmed if you tell on him, and how many innocent people will continue to be harmed if not taken to the police. either way the rav has the resposibility to deal with this man personally to try to get him to change and stop doing what he's doing


I don't know you, and I very rarely speak so harshly to a stranger; you're insane. each child who is molested should be considered a murder victim. and guess what? the molester is at fault for causing his family pain and suffering. a rav is not capable of making this guy change, and this guy should not be given freedom for enough time to even try to change. he needs to be locked up away from children. if he wants to try to change, he can seek therapy behind bars. the first step is to GET HIM AWAY FROM VICTIMS AND FUTURE VICTIMS. do not spread stupidity.
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 6:36 pm
mummiedearest wrote:
chanitroy wrote:
it's important to ask your rav about going to the police. the rav needs to evaluate: how many innocent neshamos (all his family) will be harmed if you tell on him, and how many innocent people will continue to be harmed if not taken to the police. either way the rav has the resposibility to deal with this man personally to try to get him to change and stop doing what he's doing


I don't know you, and I very rarely speak so harshly to a stranger; you're insane. each child who is molested should be considered a murder victim. and guess what? the molester is at fault for causing his family pain and suffering. a rav is not capable of making this guy change, and this guy should not be given freedom for enough time to even try to change. he needs to be locked up away from children. if he wants to try to change, he can seek therapy behind bars. the first step is to GET HIM AWAY FROM VICTIMS AND FUTURE VICTIMS. do not spread stupidity.


Thumbs Up
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 6:37 pm
chanitroy wrote:
it's important to ask your rav about going to the police. the rav needs to evaluate: how many innocent neshamos (all his family) will be harmed if you tell on him, and how many innocent people will continue to be harmed if not taken to the police. either way the rav has the resposibility to deal with this man personally to try to get him to change and stop doing what he's doing


I hope you're kidding. It's too late to think about the guy's kids now. He should have thought about them before he did his despicable acts. At this point, once there's a chance of EVEN 1 child in danger of being molested he must be reported. No evaluation is necessary.
And no it is not the Rav's responsibility to deal with this man personally. Do you really think that a little talking to is going to change a molester. Which dream world are you living in?

This post is so bothersome on so many levels.
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connie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 6:56 pm
call the police, immediatly!

if you dont this "Rosh Yeshiva" will do it again and again!

anyone who threatens your nephew should also be reported for interfering with a crime.

I believe times are changing and people are beginning to understand what is really going on.
people are realizing the cover-ups and problems with going to your "rav" to ask what to do.

your nephew wont be destryoed, it will be the Rosh Yeshiva. thats why he is being so threatening.

it is hard but you must do the right thing. if not for yourselves, then for future victims.
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connie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 7:09 pm
your sister needs to encourage her son to press charges.

a child molester is not a rabbi! let alone a rosh yeshiva. there is no issue of consideration towards his position. he is a child molester not a rav.

she needs to explain to her son the severity of the crime. that its not her sons fault. and if he wants to do the right thing he will help prevent this crime from ever happening again by calling the police.

anything short of that will only make more victims. once he presses charges all his previous victims will come out as well. but they are all too scared also.

so your nephew might as well be the brave one!
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 7:13 pm
I'm so sorry op kudos to your nephew for telling his parents and I how he gets the help he needs asap.
On a different note these situations are so tricky to investigate its your word against my word. And if somebody has something against you all they have to do is say you molested me and you're finished for life. It's sad that there are many more true accusations than untrue but I do know of a case that was totally baseless accusations but damage was done guy lost job and name dirtied on the street and it wasn't even true! Moshiach gotta come already this is sick!
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supermom!




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 7:24 pm
chanitroy wrote:
it's important to ask your rav about going to the police. the rav needs to evaluate: how many innocent neshamos (all his family) will be harmed if you tell on him, and how many innocent people will continue to be harmed if not taken to the police. either way the rav has the resposibility to deal with this man personally to try to get him to change and stop doing what he's doing


This post really scares me. Im scared to send my child to a school where even one person would think like this. I cant even begin to unravel the faulty thought process that lead to this conclusion.

Can you just maybe clarify what youre thinking? I really dont want to believe that you mean this. Please tell me how you came to this conclusion.
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connie




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 7:24 pm
amother wrote:
I'm so sorry op kudos to your nephew for telling his parents and I how he gets the help he needs asap.
On a different note these situations are so tricky to investigate its your word against my word. And if somebody has something against you all they have to do is say you molested me and you're finished for life. It's sad that there are many more true accusations than untrue but I do know of a case that was totally baseless accusations but damage was done guy lost job and name dirtied on the street and it wasn't even true! Moshiach gotta come already this is sick!

assuming the boy is basically a good kid there should not be much of an issue. victims have been shown to be telling the truth in over ninety percent of the time. even if the abuser manages to weasel his way out at the very least he will be exposed from ever doing this again.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 7:43 pm
The cops might help him with this, but if he's scared to go forward with very little evidence he should hide a good recorder on his body and go talk to this Rabbi and demand an apology. If he gets any sort of admission on tape that would be good for evidence. It's legal in NY to record a conversation as long as one party consents to it, and your nephew would be the consenting party-- he doesn't have to let the Rabbi know.
Hatzlacha!
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mummiedearest




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 7:46 pm
amother wrote:
The cops might help him with this, but if he's scared to go forward with very little evidence he should hide a good recorder on his body and go talk to this Rabbi and demand an apology. If he gets any sort of admission on tape that would be good for evidence. It's legal in NY to record a conversation as long as one party consents to it, and your nephew would be the consenting party-- he doesn't have to let the Rabbi know.
Hatzlacha!


this is dangerous on many levels. I wouldn't advise anyone in the nephew's position put himself in such a position.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Jun 12 2012, 8:18 pm
Contact Jewishcommunitywatch.com - they should be able to hook him up to a yeshiva bochur who went through similar and can encourage him to press charges so this person doesn't go on molesting others.

I have a close relative who spoke to rabonim about his molester... turns out they knew about him for years... but he just kept on doing it. He didn't know he could/should press charges until after the statute of limitations ran out. Baruch Hashem another person who was molested had the courage to do so, saving many children in the future.
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