My Tuition Assistance Experience

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amother

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 10:42 am

We have always paid tuition in full. Though we have B"H not experienced some of the real poverty described by some imamothers, we have sacrificed much, worked hard, and had much Heavenly help, to prioritise our tuition payments. And when there is tzedaka dollars available, we try to give it to our childrens schools.

For the 2012-2013 school year, we will have a bill of over $70,000 for 5 kids in 3 schools.

My husband was just diagnosed with cancer, and since he will be undergoing treatment for much of the coming year, it is unlikely he will be able to devote enough hours to his business to make enough money to cover that bill.

So, we went to the tuition committees, and filled out their forms. We honestly divulged all our financial details. In total, we asked for a $20,000 discount.

The first school gave us half the reduction we asked for.

The second school said they would give us half the reduction we asked for, if I would agree to work in their office 10 hours per week. Not sure how I can do this, given that I need my full time job to keep our health insurance so that my husband can be treated, and to pay the not small matter of the remaining tuition.

The third school said they would give us 2/3 of the reduction we asked for, but that the remainder should be considered a loan, payable in full upon the graduation of our youngest child in that school, or they will withhold diplomas and such.

My husband has cancer. We thought they would tell us to concentrate on his recovery, and not worry about this. How wrong we were.

elisheva25

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 10:48 am

hi,
I am soo sorry to hear that.
I really feel bad you had to go through something like this
Wishing your husband a refuah sheleimah!!

amother

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 10:51 am

I'm so sorry - and stunned at your experience. May your DH have a Refuah Shelaima. Did they get it? I can't imagine how they would think you have more time to contribute....and the need for the reduction. shock

I'm getting such cold feet myself. My oldest child is going to high school and I've applied for a tuition reduction. I earn a reasonable - not high - salary but my DH has a mental health condition that costs us thousands of dollars per year to keep him stable. He doesn't bring in much income himself. I'm so reluctant to disclose this - it's so private to us - OTOH I don't see a way to pay the amount of tuition they think we can afford based on my salary.

Your experience has me shocked.....

amother

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 10:53 am

OP, refuah shleima!
You might want to contact a national organization for help. What about a local rav?

momof2sofar

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 10:55 am

I am apalled!! I am assuming you told them your dh has cancer!! If not you who else should scholarship go to? They should give you a VERY reduced tuition bill. These are the curcumstances I always say my "extra" tuition costs shoud go to. I have no advice. Just well wishes for a Refuah shelaima!!

chatouli

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 11:20 am

This is just sickening. Refuah shleimah to your husband, I assume you don't want to give his name for tehillim but I am davening for you anyway. So sorry that they are adding to your tsuris Hug

imasinger

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 11:20 am

OY, how horrible. Nothing like adding insult to injury.

Is there any way to appeal?

lamplighter

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 11:26 am

I think you should get someone authoritative involved, like a Rav.
This is unacceptable behavior and they should be called out on it.
I say fight it, call anyone with any connection the the school board or anyone willing to make a phone call to get involved.

Barbara

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 11:33 am

OP, refuah shleima to your husband.

I'm fuming. YOU are why there are, and should be, scholarship funds. YOU are the reason for tuition reductions. Your family is in need. The community NEEDS to be there to help you.

Please, please, do the following: (1) File appeals. Explain EXACTLY why you cannot pay more, and what the other schools have done. Each school needs to be aware of the full picture, not thinking they can dump the need on someone else. (2) Contact your rav, and get him to campaign for you. Particularly if these schools receive or request community support, they are somewhat beholden to the local shuls. Put pressure on everyone you know who has influence.

And let us know how you and your family are doing.

Chavelamomela

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 11:36 am

You have to unfortunately go back and ask again. In my experience, the first "offer" is just a negotiating tactic - we wrote more letters, gave more personal info, and then they came back w. much more scholarship.

And tell them you cannot work in the office because you have to maintain a job and health insurance. Be honest and straightforward.

And yes, get your rabbi involved.

Refua Sheleima to your husband. So sorry you are going through this.

rae gi

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 12:16 pm

Hi OP. I agree with all the posters who said this is why we pay all those extra fees. I wish your DH a Refuah Shlaima. I also agree that you may want to find someone in the community to speak with the tuition comittee on your behalf. Best of luck and please keep us posted. Hug

GramaNewYork

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 12:33 pm

This is so sad. Refuah shelaimah.

I commend you for paying full tuition when you could. I suspect that is very rare and it sounds like you decided to make it a priority, which is not common. I am so sad that instead of thanking you for all those times when you paid full tuition and saying "of course--it is your turn to get some help" and to lighten your burden, they are making your burden just that much more difficult.

My tefilos are with you. Hatzlacha.

Hashemlovesme

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 12:55 pm

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope the schools at least expressed sympathy to your situation, even if they are not in the position to actually give you the full reduction.

mirror

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 12:57 pm

May your husband have a Refuah Shleimah.

Do you have any "connections" to the members of the Board?

grace413

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 1:07 pm

I'm speechless.

Wishing your DH a refuah shlaimah and for you, strength to cope with everything.

b from nj

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 1:29 pm

so sorry. not much else to say but that I am so sorry for your pain & for your experience. may your husband have a refuah sheleyma bimheira. truly despicable behavior on the part of the scholarship committees!

cbsmommy

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 1:31 pm

That is RIDICULOUS! I think Barbara hit the nail on the head for what your next steps should be.

My only other suggestion is to call Chai Lifeline and see if they have any additional resources to help you - and I don't just mean tuition assistance. Chronic and long-term illnesses are difficult - they might have the resources available to pair your family up with someone who has a similar situation, medical bill assistance, carpool arrangements, etc.

amother

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 1:48 pm

is it possible that the school CAN NOT give everyone who has a real need the tuition break they need, while still paying their teachers & maintenance, bills....

PinkFridge

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 1:55 pm

amother wrote:

is it possible that the school CAN NOT give everyone who has a real need the tuition break they need, while still paying their teachers & maintenance, bills....

Yes, it is possible, and I think that underneath the indignity many of us would like to think that there is genuine pain involved in their refusals, and more to the conversation. But that doesn't mean that our OP has to stop here. If she can't pay, and the school can't honor all those years of full tuition by helping, then it's time to find other resources because this kind of added stress is not good.

Barbara

Mon, Jul 02 2012, 2:07 pm

amother wrote:

is it possible that the school CAN NOT give everyone who has a real need the tuition break they need, while still paying their teachers & maintenance, bills....

Define "real need"

This is a family facing a medical emergency. They were given about 1/2 of the reduction they need by 3 schools, meaning (if we assume equal reductions across all 3), each school only needs to come up with an $3333.

Does each school have 10 families receiving tuition assistance in which one parent chooses not to work? Fine. Each of those 10 should have their assistance cut $333, and we're there. Because there's "need" and "NEED." And no family facing illness and an accompanying reduction in income should also face the problem of whether their kids -- already facing fear and uncertainty in their lives -- will be able to continue in school.

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