Have you ever wished you were a man?

chaimsmom

Thu, Dec 28 2006, 2:48 pm

My husband is wonderful about cooking, cleaning, childcare, etc. The only thing he doesn't do is laundry, and that's at my request - I'm very particular about how my laundry is done and have too many rules for him to remember. If I weren't so particular, he would be happy to do laundry too. I owe it all to my mother in law. She trained him to cook and clean. I am doing the same with my son.

Mrs. XYZ

Thu, Dec 28 2006, 2:52 pm

proudema wrote:

The only times I ever wished I was a man was when I gave birth to my children. Man it must be nice to "be with" your spouse and 9 months later BAM you have a precious child. No morning sickness, no growing fat body, no achiness, no doctors examining you once a month maybe more... no labor... Wow! I really wonder what that feels like. As much as I love the miracle of life and feeling a baby move in my tummy when I am deep in labor with someone begging me to push, it's a those times I wish I were a man. But that's about it. Otherwise I am happy and proud to be a woman. Smile

Plus like someone said our clothes are nicer.

lol, this reminds me of a joke I once heard. A man was in the hospital while his wife was going through labor. He was having a very hard time. He was getting so nervous and just watching his wife going through all that pain was making him weak/sick. Finally, after many hours when his wife finally gave birth, his first question was "is it a boy or girl?" When he was told its a girl he was so relieved and answered "B"h at least she won't have to go through what I just went through!!"

I am perfectly happy being a woman- labor, delivery and all!!

Raisin

Thu, Dec 28 2006, 3:50 pm

Quote:

I also like being a woman - I would never want to change. I even enjoy pregnancy and childbirth (except for the really painful contractions... LOL

)

I don't think that age and intelligence are related - it's more to do with your stage in life. When you are in Seminary, you've got all the time in the world to learn, have deep discussions etc. When your children have grown up a little you have a bit more time and are able to restart the intellectual activites you missed out on in the first 10-15-20 years of your childbearing life. Thats why most of the intellectual type posts are written by older people - most of us are too busy (baruch hashem!)

Ruchel

Thu, Dec 28 2006, 3:59 pm

amother wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

amother wrote:

These days women usually do both!

Most have to work and give birth to the kids and discipline and cook and clean and the list goes on. The only thing they don't have to do is go to Minyan.

This is 2006.

Then they should expect that men also do both, except giving birth. If men refuse, they should refuse too.

Ha! If women refuse, they lose their husbands in ten minutes.
What gets women between a rock and a hard place, is
1-the knowledge that the husbands can find a replacement 10 times as fast as the wives can.
2-women think of the kids' benefits of staying in a marriage, more than men do.

I don't agree. Not all men would be like that. There are men who help in the house, especially when both spouses work. For example my dad does almost everything, because he doesn't work and my mom does.

As for 1, I'm not so sure. Especially if he wants a wife he will be in love with, not just any wife. Or he didn't love her from beginning and that's another problem.
2 is probably true, but not always.

Imaonwheels

Sun, Dec 31 2006, 5:50 am

I am not at all willing to be a man even if the world is not my urinal.

I hated discussions of what diapers to buy etc. when I had to buy diapers.

Yes, I am a person who joins boards and stays almost totally in intellectual, Torah, Contraversy and Chinuch. I have no prob for about the last 20 yrs with intellectual outlets, in fact I don't have enough time for all of them.

I also love cooking and hate cleaning. Love raising kids. Even loved being preg.

Our clothes may be more "pretty" but they are so not practical. Not enough pockets, fabric not strong enough. Anything fancy must be dry cleaned and I wont even mention what we have to wear underneath. I could bypass much of womens' clothing, thank you. The entire world knows that some men are large. A woman who is has almost nowhere to buy clothes and they are all black.

Hate being told don't push when I know it won't work. I hate helping the wife clean off the table which always starts as the talking gets interesting. I hate the look of dh when he feels that the chavrusa w/the guest on the Shabbos table has gotten too long. I hated my ex rebetzin who told the women not to ask my opinion because I think like a man or if I came to ask a Torah something from the rav she used to say, "You see him more than I do".

I love those men, mashpiim, rabbonim and talmidei chachamim who took having rocks thrown at them for teaching me.

After all that meandering the bottom line is that a women's life is so much more interesting. Nothing is denied us unless we deny ourselves.

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2006, 10:38 am

The grass is always greener on the other side. Of course sometimes it seems like the role men have is much easier, but I've come to realize that our job as mothers, as the akeres habayis is the most important, most amazing role. No, I did not always think so, but the more you learn and the more you get involved, the more you appreciate it.

withhumor

Sun, Dec 31 2006, 4:21 pm

I’ve struggled with this issue my entire life, I’m stunned to see a post about it. Too bad amother I don’t know who you are and we can’t meet and vent in private! Of course it’s not a se*ual thing. I look at it as the freedom. All they have to do is wake up and daven and go that job and come home. I’m not going to go into details but basically the women fill in all the blanks and I hate having to do that. After years of soul searching, I have learned that it is due to my own issues in my childhood (my mother did stuff for my father and he never appreciated it and she always did more and more to please him and he never responded or praised her). Growing up like that, I decided to hate being on that side of the equation… I’m snapping out of it B”H.

greenfire

Sun, Dec 31 2006, 4:34 pm

I just behave as one when I need to - don't rely on man to do anything for me - learn how to do things for myself. Also I'm a bit of a tom boy anyway. I shock some men when I hold a door open for them - why not. However when a friend of mine wanted to buy me a saw for a present I definately said from you it's flowers and perfume - I guess you can't take the feminity out of a girl.

withhumor

Sun, Dec 31 2006, 4:46 pm

I love flowers, I love my children and I love to cook. However I hate wearing lady things (bras make me squirm, but don’t panic I wear one all the time) and I always find myself fingering the masculine clothes at the mall although I end up wearing nice feminine and stylish things in the end. When it comes to housekeeping, laundry, baking and polishing silverware, count me out!

It’s been a long struggle for me to discover (see above) what has made me like this and now it’s finally an issue that I have come to make peace with it. I still wish I would’ve been a man… but I no longer fight it and I don’t resent doing the womanly things so much anymore. I still love doing daredevil stunts, I’d love to do anything wild (skydiving) nothing scares me (bugs, animals, robbers) but I’m glad I can be a mommy and do all those crazy things too (safely) so B”H I now feel like I have the best of both worlds.

greenfire

Sun, Dec 31 2006, 5:11 pm

Withhumor - I actually meant it. For some crazy reason I like mens' clothing I would much rather buy that than womens. And I don't mean boring black & white. I have brought my friends sons shopping and people always ask my opinion on matching ties and stuff. So....when are we going? and no pink sweaters other colors yes and lots of them - I'm a little crazy.

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2006, 5:33 pm

I'm really happy being a woman!
except for when rushing to a simcha and my husband gets ready in 2 minutes and I need to apply makeup, shlep up my girdle (men NEVER do that!) try on many suits till one fits right.
another time I wouldnt mind being a man is when its really hectic in the house kids and supper, homework whatever and husband loudly announces I'm going to mincha/maariv everyone listen to mommy.
I wouldnt mind not having to wear a bra either.
I dont have a problem peeing sitting down.

Mirichka

Sun, Dec 31 2006, 11:01 pm

What I would like most about being on the male side of the equation is being able to get a better education. I feel that most of HS and seminary was spoon-fed to us and we were not given real skills to tackle much more than a few select meforshim in tanach and some chassidus. I would like very much to be able to trace halacha back to the original source in the talmud and mishna in order to be able to thoroughly understand what the exact halacha is.
In terms of femininity I don't think that a better education takes away from ones feminine side, why people associate in-depth study of advanced halachic and chassidic texts as something that should be reserved for men-only is beyond me. The excuse that women don't have the time for it because of children and familial responsibilities does not apply when in HS and seminary.

TzenaRena

Mon, Jan 01 2007, 12:32 am

Quote:

In terms of femininity I don't think that a better education takes away from ones feminine side, why people associate in-depth study of advanced halachic and chassidic texts as something that should be reserved for men-only is beyond me

Mirichka, in the zichronos of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, it tells the story of the Alter Rebbe's grandmother, Rochel, and how learned she was. She knewTalmud, RaMBAM, Poskim, Shulchan Aruch and the commentaries thoroughly. She paskened a shailoh in Hilchos shabbos, that the men, who had to rely upon her at the time, later checked and found that she was correct.

It also relates the story of Perel, the wife of the Maharal, who was extremely learned, and when the Maharal had to leave town for a while, he told his son who took over in his absence, that whenever he had a difficulty in learning or paskening a halacha, he should ask his mother!

By the Mekubalim, and later, the Chassidim, there didn't exist this restriction upon women having advanced knowledge.

The Rebbe speaks about women and their obligations in limud haChassidus, that they have more time and therefore more obligation to learn Chassidus than men, who must divide their time with the equal obligation to learn Nigleh.

I think it's only a question of opportunity, not ideology.

(However, it's probably best for Shalom Bayis that a learned woman or girl gets married to someone who is more learned than her and appreciates her learning, so it wouldn't cause any resentment or disrespect between them.)

Imaonwheels

Mon, Jan 01 2007, 5:46 pm

Quote:

(However, it's probably best for Shalom Bayis that a learned woman or girl gets married to someone who is more learned than her and appreciates her learning, so it wouldn't cause any resentment or disrespect between them.)

I would definitely still be single. Two of my dear friends passed away single. One was just stam learned in Chassidus and the other was extremely accomplished, translating many sifrei kodesh, incl, Tanya w/the Rebbe's permission. Too bad this is a too normal outlook. Yes, my dh was self conscious at first. This was only people set him up to feel inferior. I don't teach him but I encourage him to look for rabbonim he relates to. It does not at all have to be a hindrance. You see, many learned women are BTs and the rabbonim are not examining us as potential shidduchim.