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Why do some people have it ALL while others suffer?
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 12:46 am
Some people have it all (no question about it, even if it's only a small percentage): Goood health, Good kids, good marriages, good parnassa, popular, Yichus, do the best Shidduchim with their kids, good everything.

There are some socialite types in my community that don't have a care in the world. I am close enough to them to know that they have all of the above, and then I read the depressing thread:

WHY US!!!??? in -> Relationships -> Family
and it really makes me upset.

I realize that most people are in the middle of the "Tzaros quotient", but how are the ones like the OP above, supposed to make peace with their lot, and continue to be strong (all the while some people are fingerpointing and saying- she prob. raised her kids wrong Puke , while knowing that they stand at the top of the Tzaros quotient?

We've all learned in school about the wealthy person who saw his afterlife, and realized his table was missing a fourth leg in the hereafter, to compensate for his wealth in Olam Hazeh.

But............................................... does this ease the pain of the OP, going through such H---L ,knowing that they'll have more in Olom Haboh?Why do some people get punished so?
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 1:39 am
GOOD QUESTION.
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BeershevaBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 2:14 am
You don't know the Nisayonot it took for them to get where they are.

And you'd be amazed at how 'good' things look to an outsider, but in reality, be far from it.

I think instead of dwelling on how good others have it and how bad you have it, start concentrating on the good you have in your own life, and start repairing the bad.
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mumoo




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 2:27 am
Before I give my mussar shmues, I'll tell you what happened after we visited my sil and bil over Chanukah. They had a beautiful 5 br home, with a library, family room, game room, etc. The home we went to was their new one in the same neighborhood, more br's, exercise room, music room, offices, 2 living rooms, and 3 plasma tv's in a row in the viewing room.

I was having a very hard time with lo sachmod, because she is a great person, her two boys are great too. But I lamented to dh, why does she get everything so easy and I can't even get my LR painted (peeling everywhere)?

I was trying to reconcile this myself, by thinking she has no tuition at the public school, I have more yiddishe nachas from my children, etc. but it was not easy to let go.

All dh had to say to me was, "our children have all 4 grandparents." SIL lost both in recent years. "I bet she'd give everything back to have her parents."

Ok, it was a good reminder that we can't choose what goes in the peckl. If we want what someone else has, we have to take the whole thing.

I tell my children that too. "You like they don't make you clean your room? Ok, go live there-with their parents, grandparents, their bedtimes, what they eat for dinner, the clothes they choose, their bedtime routines..."

Any way, if you are still paying attention to my ramble-Rabbi Epraim Wachsman said we are rarely envious of birds. We don't say, "I wish I could have feathers and fly around over the ocean. Why can't I have that, he can be a bid, why can't I be a bird?" We don't say that because we are not birds. We don't have anything common with birds. What the bird has is for the birds, so to speak.

This is how we need to see what others have. It's theirs. It's not ours and we are not meant to have it and more than we are meant to eat worms and fly. Its not our peckl. Hashem knows exactly what we need. If everyone had what we had or less, we wouldn't feel so cheated. But when compared to someone else's, now we see what we are 'missing'

My parents grew up during the Depression. My mother slways tells me she never knew she was poor. Everybody had the same, so noone knew from poor.
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suomynona




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 4:02 am
I can't answer why some people have so much suffering.
But as far as people that have it all, I think everyone goes through suffering at some point in their life even if they really do have it all now.
I once heard R' Yisrael Reisman say that everyone suffers from one of the following at some point: health, parnassa, children, and I think the 4th was shidduchim.
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shoy18




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 8:10 am
The only way you can view this seemingly unfairness amongst people, is that no matter how rosy it is on the outside you cant compare your lives to others unless you've been in their shoes.

Ive said this many times on this forum but Ill say it again, if everyone rich or poor dumped their problems on the ground and anyone could take anything they wanted, every person would scramble to get their own problems back!!!!!!!
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happyone




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 8:55 am
No one goes through life without suffering. If they didnt have a hard childhood, they have nisyonos in their adult life...

I find it hard to believe that the person you know ALWAYS had it all... and I bet you don't really know what hidden nisyonos that family has.

A family friend that HAD IT ALL, husband was a respected doctor, very wealthy, etc.. etc...
They were always taking long vacation breaks and traveling a lot. ONe day the wife shockingly died, we then found out that all those 'vacations' were trips to Germany and different parts of the world to seek doctors that were willing to treat her very rare disease which no doctor in the states was willing to try.

Here we always thought they were the PERFECT family...

ANother person I'm aquainted to. had great kids, money, respected husband, gorgeous, etc.. etc.. All her neighbors and friends envied her wealth, looks etc.
we recently found out that she had two very sick children which did not live home and hadnt survived very long which no one was aware of.

A man I know has an amazing job, beautiful large family, and everything else someone would want. When I sat down to talk to his wife she told me that her husband grew up in an abusive home and was then thrown from foster home to foster home.

I seriously wonder if the woman you are referring thinks she has the perfect life.
If there is anyone on this board that has never had a challenge, a nisayon please speak up!
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chocolate moose




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 10:07 am
It's all from Hashem. Sone have it "worse". You have to daven for revealed good, that's all.
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ShiraMiri




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 10:24 am
Everyone has suffering. Just some people are better at hiding it than others. Having money is a great camouflage, but it is only an external thing. Rich or poor, everyone has problems.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 10:26 am
As the OP, I'm not discussing those that I consider in the Medium Tzaros Quotient (such as myself). Some posters seemed not to understand that.

I am baffled about how people in the HIGH Tzaros quotient bear it and have the will to survive?
And, yes, I'm sure that many of the people that have seemingly easy lives, turn out to have a Peckel, but at the same time, many don't have a big hidden Peckel. If it's a very close relative, you'd know about it.
Can't we agree that some people have drastically easier and relatively Tzaros- free lives?
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Chani




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 10:39 am
My understanding is that there are two types of people that have it easy like that

1) a complete tzaddik who has nothing that he needs to rectify
2) a rasha who's getting his reward in this world
I guess you could add a third group - Hashem sometimes gives people the nisayon of having everything easy and seeing if they still manage to cling to Him.

But basically, as so many said above, what appearances are and what's reality may be very far apart.
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shoy18




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 10:54 am
You cant compare tzaros, you cant think to yourself, "oh thier wealthy but really the wife is sick, so its ok now that I suffer too" the world has come so low as to compare tzaros? you have your chelek in life and thats it, comparing isn't going to make anything better or worse!
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Sofia2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 11:09 am
I am sure you will agree that those that have "everything" are not immuned. Anything can G-D forbid happen at any time. I think that gives us the perspective that NO-ONE has "everything" even if it seems like they do. The world goes round and things can change to the better or worst for either. Which sums it up that we are actually all the same!
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brooklyn




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 11:16 am
The grass is not always greener. Be happy with what you have, I'm sure that when you look at it objectively it is not so bad.
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amother


 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 11:19 am
ZOFIT wrote:
I am sure you will agree that those that have "everything" are not immuned. Anything can G-D forbid happen at any time. I think that gives us the perspective that NO-ONE has "everything" even if it seems like they do. The world goes round and things can change to the better or worst for either. Which sums it up that we are actually all the same!

Look at the famous Askonim of whatever group you belong to. Aren't there a percentage of people that you know of, that have had it well for many decades and are still on top of the world now? So, Lav Dafka.
Are you saying, with definite knowledge, that they ALL definitely have hidden Tzaros, or are you guessing?
Not that it helps anyone to focus on it, but we focus on alot of things here that we don't necessarily gain from.
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Sofia2




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Dec 28 2006, 11:47 am
Quote:
Look at the famous Askonim of whatever group you belong to. Aren't there a percentage of people that you know of, that have had it well for many decades and are still on top of the world now? So, Lav Dafka.

The point I am trying to make is that no-one is immune. Those askanim who are at the "top of the world"- as you put it- dont have any garantee that nothing will happen to reverse their roles. I dont wish it upon anyone but this knowledge that ANYTHING can happen is what makes us all human and- the same.
Quote:
Are you saying, with definite knowledge, that they ALL definitely have hidden Tzaros, or are you guessing?

I never said that.
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ceo




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2006, 3:08 pm
amother wrote:

Can't we agree that some people have drastically easier and relatively Tzaros- free lives?


Nope. It's the yetzer hara trying to make you think that.
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preggymama




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2006, 4:00 pm
ceo wrote:
amother wrote:

Can't we agree that some people have drastically easier and relatively Tzaros- free lives?


Nope. It's the yetzer hara trying to make you think that.


What if someone were to say that about themselves and their own life - that they think their life is easy and relatively tzaros-free? I think mine is... (but then again, I am pretty young so who knows what the future will be...)
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greenfire




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2006, 6:44 pm
Whatever tzaros someone else had doesn't take away the pain we feel from our own broken leg - and the tzaros definately come sometimes too much for some of us
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amother


 

Post Sun, Dec 31 2006, 6:54 pm
Marney wrote:
Everyone has suffering. Just some people are better at hiding it than others. Having money is a great camouflage, but it is only an external thing. Rich or poor, everyone has problems.

Is there a chance that the well known and wealthy Lubavitch "G" family, or others in that category, Bli Ayin Hora, have any of the really serious kinds of issues that we read about here? AND If they do, wouldn't they have the resources to ameliorate many of the issues easier than most others?

Please don't answer that the fabulously wealthy have lots of serious problems. Some do, some don't.
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