Covering hair | Imamother

mommyblue

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 9:05 am

My husband an I are BT and the only mitzva I haven't accepted yet is covering hair. My dh is pressuring me to cover my hair and I'm not sure if I am ready. I feel like I should do this because it is the right thing but I'm confused. I know nothing about wigs and not even sure how it would feel and I really don't want to cover only with a tichel . Can someone give some words of encouragement and inspiration information about how to choose a wig or even how does it feel to wear one. Thnx

fiddle

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 9:12 am

ok, im the wrong candidate, but I hate wigs. I wear a mitpachat, an israeli style wrap on my head, tied simple in the back. wigs rip out my hair (whatever is left of it) and it makes me sweat and feel like an idiot for not looking like myself. and wearing someone elses hair. a fall, is a nice alternative, and I wear one to nice occasions, if its not hot bc ill end up ripping it off my head.

a wig is uncomfortable especially if you have hair underneath, and if its hot. you should maybe borrow someones before you buy one, they are MAD expensive. a full wig is dressy, and in my opinion they look the same. a fall, can be alot cuter, but doesnt suit everyone, but you can stick out your own hair in the front.

you should go with someone to choose a wig, someone who knows about hair, if its damaged, will get frizzy, or will change colors when exposed to the sun, because its dyed hair.

you dont want to spend so much money and end up with a rag. also depending on your color hair, what looks good on you, dark light, blond. you need a person with a good eye to help you with this.

33055

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 9:52 am

It gets easier wearing a wig because like anything you get use to it. I don't even notice mine anymore. I like them now. I had a very hard time when I put one on. It itched. It was comfortable. It looked strange in the mirror. I could not put them on correctly.

I would also go with someone who is familiar with sheitals to the sheital macher.

Hatzloucha

ewa-jo

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 10:01 am

OK, I'll bite.

Wigs make your life sooooo much easier. You don't have to think about how your hair looks because the minute you plop on your sheitel, you look good.

You don't have to worry about styling your hair or even washing it so often. Also, if you have grey hairs (like me!) then you can let them grow out without worrying about dyeing your hair, like I always did. Yes, sheitels require upkeep and they do wear out, but day in and day out, you have good hair.

Seriously, your morning routine will be so much easier! And yeah, you will look nice and presentable in 2 seconds.. no more throwing your hair into a ponytail because you have no time.

You could say the same thing about a pretty hat or a stylish tichel... that it only takes a moment and you look nice and 'presentable', but I think it's more so with sheitels.

catonmylap

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 11:23 am

I would start with hats/bandanas/tichels with covering some or most of your hair, with hair out to start, and then work from there as you feel comfortable.

Sheitels are a good way to cover if you want to hide it and fit in (generally only other frum Jews can tell its a sheitel) .... I found the more expensive ones are more comfortable. It's a big investment if you are just starting out. You have to evaluate how comfortable you feel with covering and how much you want to 'advertise' that you are covering. It also may lead to people to put you in some some sort of box. I rarely wear mine Israel because it screams that I'm 'American' ... or people think I'm not covering.. but when we lived in Canada for a couple years, I wore the sheitel much more often.

Chavelamomela

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 11:32 am

I cover w. hats or tichels most of the time, sheytel only occasionally.

Hats can be very pretty and easier to transition to. See if you can find some hats you love and start with that.

Also, you don't have to start by covering every inch - there are many different ways to observe the mitzvah. Some women just plop a hat on outside the house, and don't cover in their own home. Many people like the look of hair showing out the bottom of the hat, and that may be a more comfortable way for you to experiment with head-covering.

Sheytels are a huge investment. I wouldn't get one yet until you're more certain what you want. It's a bad idea to buy one if you don't know what to look for. So do your research, talk to experienced sheytel-wearers, know your budget and what you can expect.

fiddle

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 12:16 pm

Ruchel wrote:

True. If you do sheitel, start with a synthetic (in winter!)

im sorry, I disagree with this. no matter what anyone says, I have yet to see a decent synthetic wig. and if youre going from not covering to covering, you do not want a synthetic wig. I would start small. with a bandanna, or a cap and see how it goes..

Chavelamomela

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 12:39 pm

fiddle wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

True. If you do sheitel, start with a synthetic (in winter!)

It really depends. You can "play" with cheap synthetic wigs, to see which styles you like - I.e. Fredricks and other vendors have some nice cheap wigs that you can wear a few times, play with - and they cost about $30! Which is a lot cheaper than spending $800 on a "mistake" wig!

3 little 1s

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 2:26 pm

Maybe start covering your hair just for Shabbosim and Yom Tov (not just for shul, but during the day, on those days).

There is quite a lot of Yomim Tovim coming up, after covering for those, plus Shabbos, you can see how you feel about the whole thing.

I wouldnt tell your husband that you will re-evaluate then, but just do it yourself. For now you can tell him, 'I hear you....Im not sure Im there yet, but I'd like to cover for Shabbos and Yom Tov'.

ewa-jo

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 2:38 pm

catonmylap wrote:

You have to evaluate how comfortable you feel with covering and how much you want to 'advertise' that you are covering. It also may lead to people to put you in some some sort of box. I rarely wear mine Israel because it screams that I'm 'American' ... or people think I'm not covering.. but when we lived in Canada for a couple years, I wore the sheitel much more often.

If OP is here in Israel, she can go to work, shopping, social gatherings..etc in anything she pleases. Nobody will think anything of her tichel/hat/snood/turban/shpitzel. Of course, Israelis will label you, but it's normal enough to see women covering their hair with everything.

In America (so I've heard) if you are in a professional work environment, you need a sheitel.

pinkbubbles

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 3:25 pm

falls are a lot more comfortable in my experience. I use a wiggrip and my hair does not get ripped out. short shaitels with no bangs can also be less hot to wear. I wonder how the Milnao I front feels.

ewa-jo, I'd rather throw my hair up in a pony tail or bun then wear a shaitel ANY day. in fact I had bangs and kept my hair short for a while before getting married and my hair took five minutes to style.

mummiedearest

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 3:25 pm

op, can you get some cheap hair coverings and experiment? don't assume you are going to suddenly start covering full-time. you can get some cheap human hair wigs, btw, if you buy them from non-jewish stores that sell mostly synthetic. I've seen nice looking ones for $50. no reason to spend a fortune on frummy wigs if you don't even know that you'll wear it. and I honestly love my synthetics. they look great. you just have to go to a store so you can try them before buying.

see what you're comfortable with and take it from there. you may enjoy hair covering more than you think.

Tablepoetry

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 3:37 pm

pinkbubbles wrote:

This. I don't cover my hair and I spend less than 5 minutes a day on it. I let it dry naturally into wavy curls, or I brush it all back into a small, very neat ponytail. Not everyone spends an hour a day doing up their hair.

I second the advice to start gradually, beginning with covering for yom tov and shabbat. You not only need to get used to the physical feeling of somethings on your head, but to the change in image. I covered my hair for a few years (several yrs after I got married), for work purposes mainly, but I just could not get used to the change in my self identity. The woman in the mirror did not feel like me. Eventually I stopped - you probably don't want to do that. So start slowly and get used to the change with time.

shirachadasha

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 3:37 pm

Where are you located? If you are considering a sheitel, I would highly recommend my sheitel lady. She is very kind, knowledegable and scrupulously honest. I met with her three times before making a purchase. She was able to educate me so I could make a decision.

mvp

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 3:41 pm

I'd start with the minimum. I went to a very knowledgeable rav to learn the halachos for hair covering.

He said that plain holocho, without any chumras is that you need to wear a scarf around your head (like a head band) with your hair gathered (pony/braid/bun), and only when in public. Maybe that would be a good place for you to start?
As you get more used to it, cover larger and larger areas.

He also said that there is a separate holocho of covering according to the custom of your community - in order not to cause embarrassment to your husband.

Personally, though I grew up with everyone around me wearing wigs, I just can't wear one, for those same reasons other mentioned. But for many women wigs is what makes them feel normal, and like themselves again. You sound like you might be one of those.

chocolate moose

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 5:19 pm

When I got married, I wore a sheital, plain and simple. I got used to it pretty fast.

When I could afford it, I got customs - more comfortable cap, better hair. I almost never think about my sheital when it's on.

mommyblue

Sun, Jul 29 2012, 7:52 pm

Thank you all for responding I greatly appreciate all the advice!! let me start with the whole story my husband is sephardic and he really is against the wig thing but I feel that I would be comfortable in a wig better then a tichel especially on special occasions. After manny conversations my dh agreed for me to start wearing a wig as long as I cover my hair with something. I already cover my hair on shabbat and chaggim so I sort of know how it feels but to cover it always and forever I just don't know. I think I am also afraid of what my family members and friends might say who aren't observant and constantly judge us. of course I would want a wig to look as good as real- I think its a situation more about self image and feeling beautiful and good about myself, because personally I don't think I look good in a tichel, because I have seen women with really beautiful wigs.Where do I start?I am in the queens area.