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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children
Kids too touchy for me



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amother


 

Post Mon, Aug 27 2012, 9:59 pm
When my kids touch me all over the place I feel like I can lose my mind. I don't mind when they hug me, sit on my lap, (till my legs get numb anyways), I'm fine with the normal tap on the shoulder.

One of my kids will frequently run her finger lightly along my arm, place her hands on my chest/stomache/tush, repeatedly even as I gently remove her hands from me and explain that we can't touch mommies private parts, it isn't nice and makes me uncomfortable. (seriously, I've had her hand travel from my tush to crotch and I quickly grab it away). My other kid will lean on me till I give her what she wants, or grab my hand and pull till I do what she wants.

I try to react verbally and calmly but deep down inside I feel Like screaming and shoving their hands away angrily. How do I deal with this without making my kids feel rejected? I don't think they need more loving touch since when I try to kiss them they are usually not interested. This is annoying touching/pinching mommy to get what they want. I spoke to them and explained how it doesn't feel good for mommy, isn't nice to touch private parts, and they can hug me etc. but I will push away their hands by inappropriate touching. Anyone else have this? What can I do otherwise? Can this be a sensory issue on my part?
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 27 2012, 10:20 pm
I hate that too. Yes, it can be sensory, but it doesn't mean you have a disorder or anything- just a sensitivity. Have you tried the route of "I can't listen to you when you're touching me, I need you to talk with your words only" ?
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zaq




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 27 2012, 10:42 pm
I think you're doing a great job, and no, I don't think you're suffering a sensory disorder. Your kids sound unusually touchy-feely. It's possible for a mother to be "touched out" even from garden-variety clingy kids hanging on to her skirts, let alone the kind of things you describe, which are making me feel like shrieking just reading about them.

How old are these kids? How long has this been going on? It may be time to introduce CONSEQUENCES for their unwanted behavior. The one who touches your private parts--you may want to check with an expert how to address this, as this **might** be a sign that she's been molested or exposed to inappropriate visuals. Is there any chance she ever saw you and dh during f0replay? The occasional accidental straying hand is one thing, but this persistent touching of private parts after being told repeatedly to stop is a huge red flag IMO.
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rainbow




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 27 2012, 11:10 pm
I've had one touchy-feely kid like this and it drove me crazy. I tried a few interventions. Some zany ones. Experimented til I found one that worked. Too tired now to write the details, but can do so when I'm rested.
There IS a light at the end of the tunnel; don't worry if you lose your cool about it; sometimes THAT could be the intervention that actually works. I'll just say one more thing, after the touchy-feely thing stopped, my daughter and I hug in a normal, meaningful, mutually satisfying way. Your kid/s will be happier when you stop this touching-mommy-all-over-the-place-all-the-time...
btw, what age are you talking about? mine was doing it throughout the years and even as a teen...
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amother


 

Post Mon, Aug 27 2012, 11:33 pm
at the risk of being criticized, I will say, a kid touching mom's private part can be pleasurable to the mother. hence, in asking the child to stop, the child may feel the ambivalence of the mother. on the one hand there is the pleasurable sensation, on the other hand...idk
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MaBelleVie




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Aug 27 2012, 11:44 pm
Say what? Confused
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naomi2




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 28 2012, 9:44 am
might be sensory on the part of the child. how about "you look like you need a big hug from mommy!" and pick her up and give her a really tight hug until she says stop or wiggles away.
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