babysitting help for stay at home moms

amother

Thu, Sep 27 2012, 10:29 pm

Does anyone here is is a stay at home mom with a few small age kids have consistant baby sitting help? I always see people out and about with either no kids, or just older kids, so assume they must have full time babysitting help. I'm trying to figure out if this is something I would consider or if I would feel useless with it. the truth is when all my kids are home, (my two oldest are in nursery school but get home by 3) I get very overwhelmed and sometimes wish I had help so I can at least take the older ones somewhere and leave the baby at home and give everyone more attention.. or during the day get to run some errands alone, quicker and have the baby be home where he won't be as bored at the store.. but I'm so conflicted about this! so far I haven't had any help except for some cleaning help with I know I NEED, but I still often feel totally overwhelmed with my young kids.. what do you guys do? anyone here have babysitting help with young kids even though you are a stay at home mom? how often and how does it work out?

BusyBeeMommy

Thu, Sep 27 2012, 10:48 pm

I don't think there's anything wrong with a SAHM having babysitting help if she needs it and can afford it. I don't have official babysitting help but I do leave my baby with my trustworthy cleaning lady for 2-3 hours once a week. I get my errands done, go to an exercise class and get a mani. This once a week keeps me sane, otherwise I never get out without my baby. Running errands with kids in tow takes me about 10 times longer than doing them myself. DH works several jobs and is not usually available during daytime hours to free me up at all.

In Montreal they have a gov't subsidized childcare program, starting from little babies, for $7/day and apparently it's very common for SAHM's to send out their babies. Obviously it's arguable as to how many hours a week, but it is tempting to take advantage.

I think that for Jewish moms, that can spend 2 decades of their lives continuously having babies, it's fine and even recommended to get some time to themselves. I know that some amothers here will react with disbelief and criticize those who choose to get regular babysitting help if they are not working, but being a SAHM can be overwhelming as well.

amother

Thu, Sep 27 2012, 10:50 pm

Here's my take on it. If I could afford it I would have some help in moderation. Maybe 3 hrs, twice a week. If my kids were being dragged on a million errands, then that's not best for them. If I'm a wreck from it all, then that's not best for me. But there are stresses to every "job" so if I'm just too lazy to juggle a bit, then I wouldn't just go get help. Everyone needs to find a balance.

mummiedearest

Thu, Sep 27 2012, 10:50 pm

I don't, but I can see how it would be a smart idea, if only for the ability to make dr's appointments for yourself. if I were to do it, it would be for 2 hours a week or so. but if you have nursery age twins, I can see getting a lot more help.

imaamy

Fri, Sep 28 2012, 5:23 am

I send my toddler to preschool twice a week because I was going crazy. I didn't want to send him this year but I couldn't get one bag of groceries or a few things at walmart without him climbing out of the cart, running, screaming if I forced him in the cart, wanting to hold on to the end of the cart (unsafe), grabbing things. He really isn't a monster and didn't always do the above, but doesn't like being strapped in and confined. My DH convinced me I needed the break (and he needed the break from my kvetching:))

amother

Fri, Sep 28 2012, 6:52 am

I just started sending my toddler out 3 mornings a week for 2.5 hours. I am iyH due with #2 soon and I felt like I needed this for my mental health. I do feel a little guilty though, and I am trying to start some tutoring to cover the costs.

amother

Fri, Sep 28 2012, 7:14 am

Question: So you are home all day with one baby until 3pm when your nursery aged kids return home?

Look, if you can afford help and feel like you need it, then go for it. Where I live, most people do seem to have part of full time help, since they all seem to drive a 5 kid carpool and only one of those kids belong to them and I know they have younger ones at home. So, someone must be staying with them (I hope) And there I am, shleping all of my kids in my car, no room to carpool. But, to each his own.

If you cannot really afford help, then you might just need to lower your expectations. The house will not be as clean as it was, your kids might not get 100% attention, etc . . . You just do your best.

amother

Fri, Sep 28 2012, 11:15 am

Op here. I can afford the help but soooo conflicted about it. I would feel like what's my role?? Yes it's me and baby until 3 but much earlier on Fridays,and my kids are off so often for every little thing spit gets really hard!! When I'm out with all of them I feel like I look like this frazzled mom and see ppl I know with only one or two of their kids even tho they have more kids they must just have full time help.. I see ppl with babies go alone to get older kids etc. and I wonder off I should try it but I also am conflicted!

zigi

Fri, Sep 28 2012, 12:08 pm

amother wrote:

if dh or a relative was there to help would you feel guilty? full disclosure, dh was home when I had a newborn a lot of times I just took the older one out. it was freezing cold.

when dh wasn't available I paid a babysitter to watch them when I had pickups in the winter, it was beneficial to everyone child coming from the bus got one on one, the other kids were occupied and not going crazy waiting for the bus.

I do do it by myself, its hard.

notme

Sat, Sep 29 2012, 9:08 pm

I have help mon to fri from 9-12. I have 11month old twins. When she comes I do some cooking, run errands or sleep if I had a rough night. She watches the kids baths and feeds them, if they are napping she folds laundry and washes dishes,. I think its a good idea. Even once a week so you can have a break. No shame in getting some help. Im sure there is still plenty to do and it doesnt mean your lazy or a failure!

granolamom

Sat, Sep 29 2012, 10:35 pm

I know plenty of sahm's who have full time housekeeping/babysitting help. some live-in some live-out plus weekends.
when I hired my cleaning lady (twice weekly) part of the job description was also babysitting. I've used it when my little ones were really little and napping so I could get out myself once in a while, but if they were up and wanted to come along I usually took them. mostly because I was too stupid to take advantage of the good babysitter I had available : )
I think if you can afford the help, take it. but I do feel bad for kids who spend more time with babysitter than with their sahm.

punchike

Sun, Sep 30 2012, 9:36 am

To me it seems like a luxury that your older kids are out till three, and it's just the baby all day. Personaly, I would use that time to organize & prepare things so that the time you have with all three kids is easier & smoother, and more enjoyable. (In addition to enjoying the quiet of having just one at home then)

But, by all means, if you need a break, to be totally on your own, you should definitely get babysitting help. Being a good mom is hard work. It's good to take a break & have time on your own. Being a sahm is like working full time, and it's not an easy job. Every working person, takes lunch breaks & vacations- you deserve it too.

Happy parenting!