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How to make the home a happy environment



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amother


 

Post Fri, Nov 16 2012, 11:30 am
Like the title says. How do you keep spirits up and kids happy when there is constant fighting, constant rushing to get kids fed and bathed and in bed so they will wake up on time for school the next day? How to not be annoyed when they wake us up too early in the morning or how to train them not to wake us up? How to just be happy and raise happy kids when there is so much pressure to get things done and not enough time to do it all or spend with them? I feel like there is no joy in my life or in my kids' lives. We don't have enough money, and I want my kids to be happy and not fight all the time.

(I have 3 kids, oldest is 5, youngest is nearly a year.)
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Imhappy!




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 16 2012, 11:47 am
K'H you got your hands full.
as a mom myself - and I'm work in progress - the only thingyou need to do is work on yourself to be happy.
be happy with the noise
be happy with the toys
be happy with the fights
be happy with the late nights
just be happy!!!

it'll rub off on your kids
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MimiMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 16 2012, 1:09 pm
Get enough rest.
Verbally express gratitude: "thank You for my health!" "Thank you for my kids that are so energetic! May they grow up to use this energy positively!" "Isn't water amazing? Hashem made water so we'd be able to clean ourselves and drink.." "Look at the beautiful color of this orange!" You get the point. When you are grateful and verbalized excitement, your kids will respond in kind. Even if you don't feel it at first, keep trying.
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the world's best mom




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 16 2012, 2:13 pm
If you feel pressured, you will not be able to create a relaxed environment for your children. The main thing you need you do is relax and smile. Don't worry if things are messy or dirty- You can clean up later. Snuggle with your kids and read them a bedtime story every night. Enjoy your children's company and let them enjoy yours. Eat supper with them and talk about the events of the day while you eat. Make bathtime into a fun event.

Remember that every moment you spend with your children is precious, and don't let it be ruined by unnecessary pressures.
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JollyMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 16 2012, 3:22 pm
I have the same amount and ages of kids as you. They all wake up between 5:30-6:30 and wake us up-- they seriously never adjusted to the time change.

You need to play with them- in my mind at least 1 hour of concentrated play every day and then they are happy. I am a SAHM so I play with them a lot, but I used to work and made sure to schedule play time in.

Buy chalk and teach them hopscotch.

I find it very helpful to wear them out-- I take them to the park and let them run themselves ragged. I tell them to make a circus show for the baby (who claps at anything) so they go nuts on the jungle gym for her.

You also can make treasure hunts. Take their snack (or stickers or whatev) and hide it all over the house (wrap it first so your house is not gross) they love this.

Make bath time verrryy long, stretch it out, let them bring toys.

The Library is your BFF, especially if you let them pick out and watch DVDs.

Tell them that there will be surprises for them after school (or if they don't go to school then at 3 pm) if they are so good and listen nicely and don't fight. Their surprise can be making cookies with you or any of the above mentioned treats, they love it.

If you just leave them for a long time then I find they fight. My kids can play nicely for 30 minutes or so without me in the same room, but then the fighting begins. I EXPECT little guys to fight, so I'm not like "OMG they are fighting!" I remember fighting with my siblings fondly, it was kind of fun,

I am a cheerful person by nature, but if I don't sleep enough I get cranky and overwhelmed, so you have to go to sleep earlier if they wake up early like mine or plan for a nap during the day.
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YW123




 
 
    
 

Post Fri, Nov 16 2012, 3:30 pm
OP, thank you for this thread. I will follow this closely. I am eager to hear more ideas. I am such a nervous, neat freak, stressed out mother so I can't offer you any advice; but I am happy you approached this topic. Hope many more positive, calm mothers respond.
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Tiale




 
 
    
 

Post Sat, Nov 17 2012, 11:40 am
I also strongly believe in getting enough sleep and making sure everyone has enough to eat & on time (including Mommies!!!)

I heard once if you give your kids proper personal attention then they feel fine being around you & playing while not needing you at other times in the day. Drink plenty of water- it balances you and relaxes. Also take vitamin B- its a mommy/lady balancing vitamin. Makes us normal Wink

The more organized I am the more relaxed my house is. If I plan a basic menu for the wk and general wk plan (outings, projects etc) then my week goes a lot smoother and I'm not constantly rushing around trying to survive.
I have a 3.5 year old, 2 year old and am due in 2 mos beH.

Good luck!
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 18 2012, 4:51 pm
Op here,

Thanks everyone for all your suggestions.

How on earth does a mother with young kids (and a nursing baby) get enough rest? Baby still wakes up 2x a night to nurse.

I wouldn't mind leaving my kids to fight it out on their own. The problem with that is that my oldest can really hurt the younger ones. He once threw a toy at the baby, which hit her right below the eye. Scary! I really can't let fights escalate like that and have to step in for everyone's safety. This makes me very on edge and nervous all the time. Baby also likes to pick up random pieces of garbage from the floor and eat them. I try to vacuum and sweep every day, but the 2 older kids (especially oldest DS) like to throw things on the floor. I try to train them to put things in the garbage, but they are little and easily distracted and it doesn't end up happening. I also hardly ever take them all out on my own - I don't know if anyone remembers, but I was the OP of the thread "I wish I were an octopus." It is really difficult to handle all 3 on my own. The library is scary for me - it's open to the public, anyone can come in, and when I have 2 kids running off in different directions, I need to make sure they're safe and I can't run in 2 different directions at the same time.

More later!
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bigprincess




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 18 2012, 5:00 pm
Sit down with them on the floor and play along. Let them help you with chores (even if it's not perfect). Make sure to compliment often.
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amother


 

Post Sun, Nov 18 2012, 5:58 pm
I am so happy someone posted this, bec I wonder how to be happy and create a relaxed environment esp when I suffer from anxiety and depression, and my baby is super clingy! ( I have five kids, btw.)
I can gree w a lot of the answers, but not about the mess part. There re ppl like myself who are just calmer without a mess.
If my house is very cluttered, I feel claustrophobic, and my anxiety goes waay up. So no, it's not always an answer o forget the mess.
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manyhats




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 18 2012, 6:36 pm
I think it's all based on the mom's attitude.

The mom has to undersand that children act like children.

And not get all riled up

Agree with what others have said

Sit down with children, on the floor, right next to them

Play with them, talk to them, be silly with them

read books, do puzzles

All the while , be happy.

You are their mommy- you love them, teach them, and think that they are a most treasured gift from G-d.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Nov 18 2012, 7:34 pm
Hugs. Thank you. You are a very nice octopus. Maybe put on some music. Maybe get a few reams of paper from Staples and have them draw. With thick, washable crayons. Have a special place to tape up each one's drawings, the same spot for each child each time. Glow in the dark stars are fun for going to sleep. They stick on. A little dishwashing detergent in the bath makes bubble bath, and is so dilute it won't hurt skin.

Sing. It will calm you and fascinate them.

I wish you were my mommy.
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amother


 

Post Mon, Nov 19 2012, 12:04 pm
im the amother above. I do sit and play w/ my kids, but my 15 month old is soo clingy and jealous that I either need to hold him or only play/read to him all day. If I have a/thing to do w/ any other kid, he goes nuts. I cant even go use the bathroom w/o him banging on the door and having a melt down.
So I get very frustrated, and so does my 2 & 4 yr old who also need and want attention.
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CherryBerry




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 19 2012, 12:44 pm
I find that it helps to lead them rather than follow.
for example, in the library instead of each kid running and you following, lead them by pointing things out ahead, that they are interested in and will follow you. constantly talk about what you see and notice around you, this draws their attention towards you, and entices them to follow you. if they start to wander, you bring their attention back with a really excited "oh wow look at that!" and find something to show them.
this works for shopping as well. ask them which tomatoes look nice, ask them to find the ketchup for you.
or just walking on the street, point out what you see.

for in the house, try to plan activities, like playdough, or coloring, stickers, specific toys, one at a time, that they wont get bored too quickly.
take an example from preschool teachers. how do you think they can handle so many kids at once? they plan activities and draw the kids' attention towards where they want it.
Lead. dont scramble behind, trying to control fighting and wildness.
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