Recommend a bedtime routine for 2 kids plus newborn?

amother

Sun, Nov 25 2012, 2:34 pm

Not sure whether to post this here or under postpartum recovery, but here's the thing: I am due in about 6 weeks with my third. At the moment, my kids go to bed around 7, and I start preparing their dinner at 5 and try to serve them dinner at 5:30, and then get them into the bath around 6 or pyjamas 6/6:30 and hope to actually get them into bed at 7. It's sort of a time consuming process. I was just thinking about how I might do things when I have a newborn, all being well, and how the newborn would fit into the picture.

Can anyone share what worked for them at the beginning? Meaning, what you did when and how? I will be nursing, all being well. The kids are 5 and 2.5. I like to nurse on demand, but not let baby sleep too long during the day, and try at some point to start treating a time around 6 or 5:30 in the evening as the baby's "bedtime" and try to settle the baby at that time, and keep them in a dark room from then onwards, feed them and put them back to sleep whenever they wake up at any later time and hope they will sleep and eat and not wake up properly until around 6 or 7 am. I don't remember how long it takes until that can become a reality though.

I imagine, if baby happens to be hungry at 4:45 PM and nurses for 45 minutes (my other babies nursed for ages at a time), and supper is magically cooking by itself while the baby nurses, then I can put the baby down at 5:30ish and then serve supper right away and do the usual sort of routine, giving the kids attention while the baby sleeps, and then the baby shouldn't wake up until at least 7:15ish, when the big kids "should" be finished with their bedtime, but that sounds too good to be true and what I just said precludes a bedtime bath for baby. What was it really like for you? How did you do it?

imasinger

Sun, Nov 25 2012, 3:10 pm

I can't pretend to have all the answers, but a few ideas that might help:

1. Crockpots -- the "magical" way to cook supper. Also, try cooking and freezing when you can, so that all you have to do is pop something in the microwave.

2. I used to nurse the baby while doing bedtime stories with older kids. It might be possible for you to give baby a bath in the sink at first while older kids are in the tub.

3. Multitask. Use a sling so that you can wear your baby while dealing with other kids and still have hands free; let 5 year old help as much as possible, bringing diapers, making faces while you help 2 year old into PJ's, etc.

It's never easy, but given how well you found a schedule thus far, I'll bet you will figure it out!

amother

Sun, Nov 25 2012, 3:19 pm

imasinger wrote:

You seem to be suggesting to put the baby to bed more or less at the same time as the other kids, and just integrate the baby into the same bathtime etc. Maybe that's what I did with DC2, actually. It sounds more familiar than what I was saying above. but I remember that DC1 slept the best when I chapped that putting him to bed at a very early time, like 5:30, was a magic pill that made the night go smoothly. Before that, he wouldn't settle all night. So, I am a little afraid that I could miss the newborns ideal sleeping window by being busy with the others and (s)he will get overtired. My "problem" here is that my kids are spaced out very nicely for feeling excited to have a baby again, but not for remembering what you do with one!

RachelEve14

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 1:08 am

Imasinger has some good tips.

The thing you forget about a baby is how unpredictable they are. My ds who *always* is out by 8:30 was up and fussing until 10 last night. Just when you figure out the pattern, they change it on you. The most important thing is to be originzed with the older kids' food so at least they have what to eat. You can sit with them and nurse a baby.

Crock pot is great. I also have a bunch of tupperware vent & serve containers. They are divided for an adult "tv dinner" type meal, but they hold more than enough for a few kids. I would pre fill and freeze and then maximum you can pull one out and microwave dinner. When the baby is sleeping in the morning cut up veggies and store in the fridge so you just need to grab them later, or cook supper in the morning and just reheat in the evening. My baby slept great in the morning, but he is pretty one on one from 3 - when he goes to bed which stinks for the older kids but such is life...

I think just relax and go with the flow as much as you can in the beginning. So the kids will go to bed a little late or have cereal for supper a few times, not the end of the world.

amother

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 3:11 am

RachelEve14 wrote:

OP here.

Actually, I didn't forget that they're unpredictable. That's why I said "if the baby happens to be huingry at 4:45...but that sounds too good to be true. Part of the issue is also that older kids are also somewhat unpredictable. I was just wondering what sort of schedule might have worked OK for others.

I don't have a microwave, by the way, and won't be getting one.

Thanks for the ideas.

amother

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 4:03 am

RachelEve14 wrote:

By the way, I meant the general "you" and mostly "me."

I totally forgot, even if I knew intellectually, well, I forgot.

You can still freeze things in small portions to have supper for those crazy days, adn the crock pot is still a great option. Don't think about it too much and it will all work out just fine. And just when you figure out a plan, something will change :-)

Actually, the reason I'm asking about this is because I find that as unpredictable as these things are, if I visualize a successful way of doing things in advance, I find it helps things go smoother. IME, if I don't think about things, they do not work out just fine! Probably because I feel too out of control and clueless if I don't visualize things in advance, think about what's involved, and consider issues before chaos sets in.

ray family

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 4:12 am

maybe it's just me, but I don't see what the big deal is2 hrs for supper and bedtime? you'll figure out your baby's schedule and work around it. or integrate your older kids schedule into the baby's. if you normally cook supper at 5 but notice that the baby likes to nurse at 4:59 every day so you'll make supper at 4 or 4:30. or you'll make it when you finish nursing. baths don't need to take 1/2 hr. if you're running late wash the kids off and be done with it.
when #3 was born I had two older kids ages just 3 and 19 mos. we managed just fine. either I nursed the baby while the older ones were eating, or while they were in the bath, or during bedtime story. or s/t I brought the rocker into their room and sat nursing the baby while they were going to sleep.
I find that attitude really effects how you look at things. if you think/feel overwhelmed often times you will be. if you sort of just go w/ the flow it makes it easier.
(and btw I'm NOT the sort of laid back/chilled out person. everything is very scheduled and organized, but even so...)
my sling was my best friend. s/t the baby wanted (note not needed cuz s/he just nursed 10 min ago) so I would wear the baby for a few min while I threw supper together.
you dont need to make gourmet meals= just get something nutritious on the table.
instead of meatballs make meat sauce, instead of fried shnitzel bake it in the oven, instead of lasagna- baked ziti etc.

amother

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 4:52 am

ray family wrote:

OP here again.

It isn't a big deal at all (I hope). It's just that I manage things by thinking, less so by doing. Thinking it out is often a quicker way to the answers than pure trial and error. If I try to just do things and totally wing it, things don't work out so smoothly. When I think about things, they go much better, so therefore I'm thinking. If it's different for you, that's fine. But it has nothing to do with big deal or no big deal.

Interesting that everyone is talking about baby wearing. I try to avoid that, because I find it very awkward and I find I cannot do much when I do it. So, I'm not sure that's a tool that I'm going to be using. My babies tend to be a little big and grow fast, and I think that has something to do with it.

Oh, and I am not talking about making gourmet meals. I mean, if I am putting something together in the sort of half hour that is punctuated by small children's company and all that entails, I am not usually able to make a gourmet meal, even without a baby.

amother

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 5:00 am

saw50st8 wrote:

Do you have an oven timer? Prep the food in the morning and then set it on a timer.

No, but I don't think it's necessary. If it's something that goes in the oven and I've prepared it in the morning, and I am home, I can keep it in the fridge and pop it in the oven at the right time.

I suppose the real challenges will come when I start working, and, for example, cannot prepare food in the morning. That's why I need things to go OK in the first few months, before I go back to work, so that I have an organized situation to build on and not a feeling that it is already hard to cope and I haven't even started working yet. I remember when my friend was anticipating going back to work and she said "I'm not sure how this can work because at the moment, I am managing but my day is full. I can't see that I have any spare time in the day."

AlwaysGrateful

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 9:41 am

amother wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

Do you have an oven timer? Prep the food in the morning and then set it on a timer.

No, but I don't think it's necessary. If it's something that goes in the oven and I've prepared it in the morning, and I am home, I can keep it in the fridge and pop it in the oven at the right time.

This is what I was going to suggest. I would make meals in the morning for the evening. Once you go back to work, you would probably make the meal the night before so that you can pop it in at dinnertime the next day. Nothing wrong with prepping lasagna or chicken or whatever the night before. Especially if you bake it fresh.

amother wrote:

I suppose the real challenges will come when I start working, and, for example, cannot prepare food in the morning. That's why I need things to go OK in the first few months, before I go back to work, so that I have an organized situation to build on and not a feeling that it is already hard to cope and I haven't even started working yet. I remember when my friend was anticipating going back to work and she said "I'm not sure how this can work because at the moment, I am managing but my day is full. I can't see that I have any spare time in the day."

I don't think you should start planning for "after the first few months" until towards the end of that time. Your baby will NOT be on a schedule. Trust me, my baby is just about three months now, and he changes schedules every couple of weeks! And at the beginning they're waking up a lot more so you need to get to sleep early in order to function. Eventually they (hopefully) start sleeping for longer stretches and have a more predictable bedtime so you can get stuff done at night.

The one thing I would change is starting your kids on dinner a bit earlier, if possible. That will give you more time for things to come up during the evening hours and getting your kids to sleep somewhere near their normal bedtime. The first few weeks, for sure, that extra time helped me. Sometimes my kids (who go to sleep at 7) wouldn't get to bed until 7:30 or even 7:45 because the baby was kvetchy or needed to nurse at an inopportune time, and sometimes the baby slept through the bedtime routine and my kids got in a bit early. Not a bad thing.

Good luck!

amother

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 10:14 am

AlwaysGrateful wrote:

amother wrote:

saw50st8 wrote:

Do you have an oven timer? Prep the food in the morning and then set it on a timer.

No, but I don't think it's necessary. If it's something that goes in the oven and I've prepared it in the morning, and I am home, I can keep it in the fridge and pop it in the oven at the right time.

amother wrote:

OP here. I basically never make dinner the night before when working because I work in the evening as well as the morning. After I work, I need to deal with laundry and dishes as much as I can before I drop, and preparing food as well would really push me over the edge. So, that's why my meals are really not gourmet.

shiffycc

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 1:31 pm

My younger kids are the same ages as your two, and "bedtime"is for sure a 2 hour process(I also have bigger kids and homework as well as supper for DH and me) I also think that it will go smoother if you plan on more time for the routine, that way you wont get flustered by the babys random needs(like the poopy diaper that travels up his/her back at the exact wrong time!)
I think that going from 2 to 3 is a pretty big adjustment, when I had my third that was when I stopped being makpid to bathe the others every day, and changed to every other day. It took a lot of the pressure off. The babys "schedule" will change 10 times before you go back to work, and by then you will have found a routine that works for you.

amother

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 2:41 pm

abby1776 wrote:

When I went from 2 to three, the first 8 weeks my DH took care of supper, baths and bedtime. By then I knew better how to intergrate the baby. Is there anyone around that can help?

(OP) I can imagine having my DH help at the very beginning, but maybe not for as much as 8 weeks. My DH does sometimes come home during the dinner/bedtime routine and help, but the problem is that he can randomly be called away and my son will go nuts that he thought Abba was putting them to bed and now he's suddenly gone. My son, who is almost an angel in many ways, actually gets violent with me in those situations, asking for Abba repeatedly and totally not cooperating and sort of blaming me, and the disturbed behavior can last for days afterwards. So, if that happens, I would rather not have the help. Oh, and when DH does stick around, it's highly likely that my daughter will have a tantrum that she wants Mummy...

Getting a mother's helper is, I think, out of the question, because we have major money issues, so I am not really going there at the moment.

amother

Mon, Nov 26 2012, 2:46 pm

shiffycc wrote:

(OP) Actually, I'm already bathing my kids less often than you did after you went from two to three. I find the pressure of the difficulties of pregnancy and my work commitments to be a lot, and I also find that lots of random things come up every day, so we easily lose bath time.