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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
My "Explosive Child"



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Petra




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 15 2013, 9:24 am
This morning, my DH and I had to battle our little DS who refused to go to school because he had the wrong color pants. We picked him up kicking and screaming to the car to make the 10 minute trip to school which is not nearly enough time for him to settle down.

Oy vey. What are we going to do? I have no answer for these situations when there is no choice but to force him to do things against his will. My DH had to take him to school today and I feel so bad for him and what he has to put up with this morning. Meanwhile, my two little girls are quietly going about their business trying to stay out of the way and not add to the chaos this morning.
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Aribenj




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 15 2013, 9:01 pm
How old is your son?

He sounds a lot like my son. There's a book called "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene that has some priceless strategies that might help.

In my case they did but I guess DS's problems also needed medication. But for him, combining the two seems to have really worked.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 15 2013, 9:06 pm
That.

And perhaps have the right color pants available.

He already knows he is different and the last thing he needs is to dress "differently".

I wouldn't like that either.

Although it would be hard to pick me up, and I would only kick and scream very nicely.
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 15 2013, 9:14 pm
now is the time to start figuring out how to help him think his way to solutions. your days of forcing him to do stuff against his will are very limited, before you know it he will be physically too big to lift up and drag to school.
even now, after the fact, you can talk about it with him. what could he have done about the pants? help him see that there are choices. empower him to make some choices. dont give him the options but lead him to discover some on his own. when he does think his way out of situations like these be sure to tell him he's done good, this will give him courage to do it again.
and YES read the explosive child book. its full of this sort of thing, I learned so much from that book that I use with all of my kids. we sometimes forget what its like to be a kid, for all you know kids have been teasing him about his clothes or something. and some kids have very low tolerance for humiliation.
also, double check about whats going on in school. kids who routinely find 'reasons' not to go to school sometimes have a reason they either are unable to verbalize or have not yet found ways to share.
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imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 15 2013, 10:12 pm
Welcome to my world. I have 3 like this.

Another vote for the book here.

Look for opportunities to teach about being flexible. There is a wonderful set of books by Michelle Garcia Winner that teach this social skill.

Find which time of day he is least likely to blow up, and use that as planning time. Explosive kids can melt down from unpleasant surprises, so try to avoid them.

Try an earlier breakfast, or a pre-breakfast snack to put a little blood sugar into the picture. Learn about easing transitions - checklists, warnings, little songs to present the new activity in the best possible way. Start the day with lots of hugs and kisses.

Be sure to praise anything that is done well, even if you don't have to do so for your other two (not that they would mind it, either).

If you aren't feeling better about the situation, parenting classes can be helpful.

Hatzlacha!
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bamamama




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jan 15 2013, 10:25 pm
You've gotten great advice. I just want to put a plug in for dietary concerns. I have a ds who is only explosive after eating high acid foods ( two clementines produce over an hour of discomfort for him where he is crawling out of his skin - he's violent and irrational).
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Petra




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 16 2013, 9:48 am
I own that book, thus my title to the thread. We are re-reading it now. I finally convinced my DH that he needs to read it so we can be on the same page.

Our DS had a choice of pants but not a wide selection at the time so no choice was sufficient to him. When there is only 15 minutes left before having to depart to school, panic sets in when we realize we are being confronted by a "episode". Of course, we tried not to let on though.

I couldn't think of what to do in this situation. Even when things are calm and I tried to get him to use some problem solving skills, no luck. He is so inflexible.
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bamamama




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 16 2013, 3:21 pm
LeahsEma wrote:
I own that book, thus my title to the thread. We are re-reading it now. I finally convinced my DH that he needs to read it so we can be on the same page.

Our DS had a choice of pants but not a wide selection at the time so no choice was sufficient to him. When there is only 15 minutes left before having to depart to school, panic sets in when we realize we are being confronted by a "episode". Of course, we tried not to let on though.

I couldn't think of what to do in this situation. Even when things are calm and I tried to get him to use some problem solving skills, no luck. He is so inflexible.


Is it possible that making any choice is too much for him in the AM? I find that when I give choices of things like trousers, unless one is so far superior to the other, a fit ensues because dc doesn't want either. But if I lay out the clothes for them ("your clothes are on the bed. I'll be in the kitchen if you need help."), dressing is much less traumatic. I think choice is really overrated for some kids. You won't be choosing their trousers when they are 18. Eventually they will learn. But if it's proving to be too much for them, why not just do it yourself for now?
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26teach




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Jan 16 2013, 5:40 pm
Bamamama, I am very interested to know how did you find out that it was the clementines?
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amother
Oak


 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2015, 3:41 pm
New poster here.

Currently trying to incorporate the techniques in the book 'The Explosive Child'. I understand his theory in regards to lagging skills and unsolved problem and have identified those issues.

My question is -- how do we actually resolve those issues? I have read the book cover to cover and haven't actually come across this mentioned.

Does he presume that they will dissipate or improve once the techniques in the book are implemented? Or is there something I'm missing?
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amother
Apricot


 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2015, 4:46 pm
The general idea is that by using the skills in the book, he will eventually learn to incorporate them on his own. And with enough repetition, he will form the neural pathways to develop skills in flexibility and shared social problem solving, strengthening the deficits in his brain and facilitating brain maturity. He will then have the brain skills necessary to manage his frustration and will no longer be explosive. Thus is a concise interpretation.
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5*Mom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Dec 06 2015, 5:44 pm
For lagging skills, the solution is teaching him the skills he is lacking. Sometimes parents can do this on their own and sometimes a professional is necessary. Either way, they will not usually sort themselves out. Some form of direct teaching of skills is necessary.
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