I dont want to nurse my future kids

amother

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 6:09 pm

I am getting so fed up with nursing. I love it and hate it at the same time. Neither of my kids took pacifiers adn the younger one refused bottles. I had to take him along to work for a few months, which was really hard. Then I sent him to the babysitter but he barely drank his bottle and I felt so guilty. Forget about getting any shopping or errands done, since he needed to eat every two hours. B"H he is a bit older now and mostly on solids so I don't have to deal with that anymore. My kids both slept with me in my bed all night. I was their pacifier. It was hard, but we definitely bonded! My youngest is 1 now and is finally out of the room for the first half of the night.

Anyway, I was just thinking that it would so much easier to bottle feed my future kids. My oldest had eczema so for the first year when I was nursing him I was off milk. He was always very skinny, but I never worried. My younger child was off the charts and dropping in percentile for months. He is finally going upwards, but is still off the charts. My children nursed very often and are very skinny. I think I just have terrible un-nutritious milk. They don't even seem to have the benefit of not getting sick due to breastfeeding.

Now I'm being told by some ppl that the reason my baby is having some ear infections/fluid problems is due to me. I need to sleep more, eat healthier (no junk Sad

) and go off milk. I don't see the benefit in breastfeeding anymore. I think it's doing more harm than good for my kids and is definitely not easy on me. (I'm dealing with thrush now too!)

And I do enjoy not having my period, but I honestly think its better for my marriage when I do go to the mikvah. Am I nuts, or does anyone else have these issues as well?

tissues

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 6:21 pm

Nursing exclusively can present difficulties. I'm not sure though that you wouldn't have these issues had you bottlefed (ok, except for the thrush!). Children who are allergic are MORE difficult to feed with formula. Then there's the bonding issue. Emotional comfort for child.

Don't make any decisions now when you are having problems. Wait till the next one comes around and then you'll be able to make a more rational (rather than instinctive emotional) decision.

Last edited by tissues on Sun, Jan 20 2013, 6:32 pm; edited 2 times in total

amother

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 6:26 pm

Op, I agree with u a hundred percent...much its all baloney rlly this whole nursing thing, I nursed my daughter and she was sick tonsssssss...skinny too...now with my son I nurse him just cuz I feel guilty not to, and he loves it , but its nottttttttt good for everyone. My friend bottle feeds her babies from birth and they eat and sleep beautifully, were sick a lot less then my kids, and are less fussy and kvetchy,.like they are more satisfied...which is why they sleep so good...my babies are up every 2 hours' if they go that long....so I hear u.!!

tissues

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 6:31 pm

amother wrote:

You have a very short-term and perhaps shallow perspective on this.

amother

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 6:35 pm

tissues wrote:

amother wrote:

You have a very short-term and perhaps shallow perspective on this.

Ya why's that??? I went through a hard time with it not once, but two times around, and for myself I fail to see the benefits...I'm talking for myself, I understand its different for everybody..

penguin

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 6:46 pm

A neighbor of mine decided around child #6 or #7 that she'd had enough, she was not going to nurse. Her father sent her articles and asked her to at least nurse for six weeks, which is proven to confer immunological benefits to the baby etc.

It is probably (I imagine) easier to taper off gradually at six weeks than to be engorged & in pain if you don't nurse at all. Then again, if you have serious soreness, thrush, etc, those first few weeks can be very difficult.

Another good idea (if you need it, that is) is to start the baby off with one bottle daily (as soon as nursing is well established, otherwise it can cause nipple confusion). That way you can get a nap in the beginning & be able to leave child with a sitter & a bottle.

It's not all or nothing, at least, it doesn't have to be.

flowerpower

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 6:53 pm

You have to do what works best for you!!!!!!!!!!!! Each person and each child responds differently to formula/ nursing and you both have to be happy. I nurse and yet hate it!! The one I nursed most had 11 ear infections in a few months and the one who never nursed was never sick. They're all the same smart. The one who nursed for the least amount of time at feedings was very chubby and the one who nursed longer at feedings was almost off the charts. As a side note, they say supplementing during the first few months- like an ounce or two after nursing helps satisfy the fussy babies and they stay full for a longer amount of time.

yamz

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 7:46 pm

If you want to breastfeed, do it. If you want to bottle feed, do it. If you want to do both, that's fine too. Your baby, your decision. You do what's best for you and your child, whatever that may be. Just ignore everyone else and their comments/judgements. Don't let anyone, least of all a bunch of anonymous women in an online forum, guilt you into anything. The one clear benefit to breast milk is that it's not manufactured in a giant lab somewhere out of some scary ingredients. Nutritionally speaking, it is usually (not always!) the best choice for baby. Then there are the less clear cut benefits. People make all sorts of health claims regarding breastfed babies. Supposedly, they have lower rates of asthma, diabetes and obesity as adults. They are smarter. Yeah. Turns out, the data isn't actually all that clear cut. On almost any of this stuff. The problem is, correlation does not equal causation. Meaning, in studies, the types of mothers who breastfeed also tend to be the types of mothers who are more attentive and have a larger income that their non-breastfeeding counterparts. So it may not be the breastfeeding itself, but the circumstances the baby was born into that are the determining factors here.
Anyway, there are at least two supposed benefits of breastfeeding which are waaaay overblown: 1) fewer allergies 2) bonding with baby. This is anecdotal evidence, but every single child I know with constant ear infections, other minor illnesses and/or several allergies has been breastfed. At the very least, this suggests that breastmilk is not nearly as effective in preventing these maladies as militant breastfeeding advocates would have you believe. As for the whole special bonding experience, that's just rubbish. You bond with your baby because you spend a lot of time caring for the child who is utterly dependent on you for his/her every need. You hold and comfort your child when s/he cries, you change soiled diapers, and you feed your child when s/he is hungry. As long as you are loving and not resentful, you will bond NO MATTER HOW YOU CHOOSE TO PROVIDE THAT NOURISHMENT. It really is irrelevant to the bonding experience.

Finally, though the ingredient list may look scary, but formula has been greatly improved over time. It definitely meets a growing baby's nutritional needs. Yes, taking only those nutritional needs into account (not emotional needs of the mother or other family members), breasfeeding is probably a slightly better choice. But only slightly. Bottlefeeding is a perfectly acceptable, valid choice. I don't know of a single human being whose physical or emotional development was hampered in any way by having been bottlefed.

Which leads us back to the beginning: feed your child utilizing whatever method best meets all the needs of mother and child.

punchike

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 8:42 pm

I completely agree with the op. I nurse and I have no idea why.

I just don't get how people manage when they are feeding their child every two hours or more often for months and months. I've nursed all my children so far kah, and they've been on the low end of the chart, and never satisfied.

Here's a question, I've been wondering if there's any value to breastmilk if you don't eat a balanced diet. If you just nosh your way through the day, could formula be better? If you don't eat properly, will breastmilk have all those nutrients? or would it just be glorified water?

mammala120

Sun, Jan 20 2013, 9:35 pm

YES WHAT YOU EAT WILL EFFECT YOUR MILK AND INTERN EFFECT THE BEHAVIOR AND HEALTH OF BABY. EXCLUSIVE BREASTFEEDING DOES NOT GUARANTEE HEALTHIER CHILD. IF ALL MOM EATS IS NON NUTRITIOUS AND JUNK FOOD THEN HOW DOES THAT MAKE CHILD HEALTHY. THE MAIN BENEFIT CHILD GETS IS MOM'S ANTIBIOTICS BUT EVEN THAT CAN BE LAUSSY IF MOM HAS WEAK IMMUNE SYSTEM. EXCLUSIVE BOTTLE FEEDING WILL PROVIDE BABY WITH ALL VITAMINS/MINERALS. HOWEVER THERE ARE CERTAIN MOLECULES THAT ONLY BREASTMILK PROVIDES REGARDLESS OF EATING HABBITS OF MOM.

I BREASTFED AND SUPPLEMENTED MY FIRST 2 AND THEY ARE IN MIDDLE RANGE IN RAGARDS TO HEALTH AND SIZE WITH B''H NO ALLERGIES (SOME INTOLARANCES TO CERTAIN FOOD LATER ON , NOT DURING BABYHOOD)

I EXCLUSIVELY BREASTFED MY NEXT 2 AND THEY HAD TONS OF ALLERGIES AND I FEEL ARE WEAKER WHEN ILL.

MY NEXT I WILL B"h MIX.....BS AND BITTLE FEED.

YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ONLY THIS OR ONLY THAT...YOU CAN COMBINE THEM

Hashem_Yaazor

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 7:21 am

I have no idea why people are blaming you nursing for your kids' ear infections. There is absolutely no reason to claim such a thing. Some babies get ear infections, nursing or not. For all you know, bottle feeding formula would result in more ear infections -- or not. But not less. It has nothing to do with how much sleep you get or what you eat.

Your kids being skinny is OK!! The weight charts are based on formula fed babies and we're used to seeing chubby babies but that doesn't mean every baby needs to be chubby.

Do what's best for you, but please don't let yourself feel guilty that your milk is not good for your babies and is leading them to be sick and lanky.

Chavelamomela

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 7:48 am

bbmom wrote:

I've always wondered about the charts thing. People always say that the charts are based on formula fed chubby babies but my doctor has clearly told me that he charts breastfeeding babies on a different chart- does that make sense?

Yes, there are different charts, and not all doctors are using the right chart for breastfed babies. The standard AAP charts are based on FF babies in the midwest from the 1920's. There are two sets of updated charts, from the WHO - from the early 2000's, based on a mixed group, and a more current one, based on exclusively breastfed babies. The most updated one is the best one to use for exclusively nursing babies.

shnitzel

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 9:10 am

Why is a skinny baby a bad thing? I never understand why we are obsessed with babies being chubby and everyone else being skinny Were you and DH small babies? Baby's size is really mostly genetic, provided a bottlefed baby isn't being overfed. Are you prepared to possibly pay for very expensive hypoallergenic formula since you have fussy babies and one had eczema?

Some baby's are fussy formula fed or otherwise. Maybe your babies had reflux? Fussy babies who aren't gaining well would worry me but I would make sure baby is okay and not jump to formula. I can't figure out why you think that is the solution. If you think they are fussy because they aren't eating enough you should see a lactation consultant and get them weighed before and after a feeding.