DS10 keeps asking what zex is.

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 6:25 pm

Where we live, this word is printed on billboards, screaming from front pages of magazine stands, discussed in shops and the street...so ds whose 10 has picked up this word and asked me what it is. He said he cant get it out of his head, he really wants to know. What should I tell him? I really dont want him to know many details at his age? Or am I just being naive? How would you answer his question?

MrsButterfly

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 6:31 pm

You should tell him before he starts asking his peers and getting weird answers...

sequoia

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 6:33 pm

You had better tell him, in a positive way.

ra_mom

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 6:35 pm

It's time to tell him.
And more likely than not it is something that his peers started mentioning and the billboards are only half the reason he's asking

thatgirl

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 6:41 pm

Ok its obviously time for you to tell him. But I'm wondering how do you explain zex to a ten year old?

sequoia

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 6:45 pm

Clearly there is a way, since all secular children know about it.

chocolate moose

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 7:49 pm

delete

Obviously there is sofmething wrong with s.e.x. We can't even write the word here.

amother

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 8:40 pm

Exaxctly, how do I explain it to a 10 year old who doesnt really need to know until hes older and will probably make fun of it and talk about it in front of his younger siblings?

When do you make a point of telling your children the facts of life?

mummiedearest

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 8:45 pm

amother wrote:

if he asks, he needs to know now, from you or your dh, with an addendum that this is private and we do not discuss it with anyone other than mom and dad for now, and that you are available for further questions should they arise.

ellie23

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 8:46 pm

tell him! have him hear it right from you, rather than who knows how from his classmate when he brings it up to them! in my house, while my kids arent asking about that yet, we call body parts what they are etc....its all our biology and we need to be comfortable with how God made us. if I were you I would start by pointing out what he has and going over briefly what women have and how Hashem makes it so special once we are married etc....don't underestimate him..I am sure if he is asking he is capable of handling the answer.

amother

Brass

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 8:58 pm

delete

Last edited by amother on Sun, Oct 10 2021, 5:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 9:12 pm

I told my DD EVERYTHING by the time she was 10-11. It was not in one conversation and zex was the final culmination of it. I really wanted her to hear everything from me and she was going to an overnight camp where everyone told me she would hear stuff from everyone there.

Anyhow, I spaced it out over several conversations and made sure to put in that she should feel free to ask/discuss anything with me but that it's a special tznius issue that is not appropriate to discuss with friends. . . I think it went really well!

rainbow

Mon, Jan 21 2013, 9:30 pm

''S-x means gender, as in 'boy or girl' ''

iriska_meller

Tue, Jan 22 2013, 7:08 pm

Get him a book. There are plenty out there, they are written for kids, in a matter-of-fact way, and they answer all the questions truthfully but also without many details. Two books I liked were "Amazing you" and "Its not a stork", but there is a good selection out there.
I find that the more you avoid these topics, the more interested he will be, and he will get information from other sources, and it won't be accurate or appropriate.

flmommy

Wed, Oct 08 2014, 12:21 am

I am trying to find the post I thought was entitled what to tell boys. I saw it yesterday but can't find it today. It had suggestions.

amother

Wed, Oct 08 2014, 1:02 am

Repeat

amother

Wed, Oct 08 2014, 1:04 am

I am against the whole sitting down for an important conversation. I find that bringing it up naturally and not making into this serious embarrassing hush-hush works best.
I told all my kids at age 10-11 and they never brought it up to younger siblings, even though I didn't warn them about it.

At that age, its enough to tell them which body part fits where, and that's how babies are made. Also a bit about periods, more for girls.

black sheep

Wed, Oct 08 2014, 5:16 am

If he asked you, tell him. The truth, and all of it. It is all natural, none of it is inappropriate. If you don't tell him, he won't ask you again. This is your opportunity to show him he can trust you to be honest, comfortable, and upfront with him. Will he continue to look towards you for guidance in life? That depends on if you prove now that you can be trusted.

For my kids who don't ask, I tell them all the basics by the time they are 10. For those that do ask, I tell them whatever they want to know, whenever they ask. The youngest to get the full story because she asked was seven at the time.

Please don't think the facts of life are inappropriate for younger ages. Please don't be embarrassed when explaining to your kids how their bodies work. Please respect your son enough to be straight and honest with him. Like you said, it is everywhere, he'll find out anyway, so let it be from you.

Honestly, the best message you can give your kids about relations is that it is not shameful. It is natural. It exists. It is open for discussion. They will get honest, upfront answers from you. That is the most important message you can give him at ten years old, and you can only do it by answering him fully.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Oct 08 2014, 7:23 am

amother wrote:

Same here! We started talking about bodies and babies when she was around 5, and slowly added little bits of information here and there as her age and curiosity progressed. It was never ONE BIG TALK by us, but rather an ongoing conversation that ebbed and flowed quite naturally. She comes to me whenever she has a question, and she stops me when she feels like she's heard enough! embarrassed

Even with all of the information I give her, it's hysterical to hear the stories she brings home from school. I spend a LOT of time clearing up misconceptions and urban myths. shock

Ruchel

Wed, Oct 08 2014, 8:05 am

My old school Euro uncool opinion.

"relations is boy or girl".
Then, ask what he heard or want to know.
Go from there, keep it CHILD appropriate and "insert your hashkafa" appropriate.
In doubt ask a mechanech, even online, that is "your speed".

At 10 I was more sheltered as a lite MO in public school than many yeshivish type kids nowadays it seems, and it really puzzles me. Cultural block all the way......

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