HELP!! CHild doesn't stop crying and kvetching non stop!

amother

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 3:59 pm

Someone please help! my child doesnt stop naging crying, she is making alot of noise in the house and its getting worse each day the fits go from once a day to twice a day to three times a day all day long. I took her to the doctor thank G-d she has noting physically wrong with her, I took her to a therapist, thank G-d she has nothing wrong with her either. She told me she will give me coping strategies!! My husband is going crazy from her. He went out to buy a lock so we could put her in time out when she gets like this.

Does anyone have a sollution to this problem, or know how to deal with it, this is not working.

thank you

A Mother

SingALong

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 4:05 pm

How old is she? I think it's normal for toddlers to freak out more often...older kids no.
My dd had frequent tantrums, teacher recommended going to dr for blood tests, turned out to be high strep titers in blood, I had her on antibiotics for awhile, her behavior improved...maybe check that out?

Also, when my kids tantrum I behave super calm, me getting worked up just makes it worse. I also don't give in, until they calm down. If your dd is old enough to understand that, try being super calm and firm and just don't give in till she calms herself down. You can help her by counting to 10..."take deep breathes, I'm counting to 10, and then no more screaming. Nicely tell mommy what you want."

Good luck

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 4:09 pm

My first thought was that she was sick.

Does she indicate any part of her that is hurting? Belly? Is she eating? Sleeping?

Is somebody bugging her at school or at a sitter's?

How is the sb?

Other siblings bugging her? You would be amazed what goes on when your back is turned. Get some nanny cams.

Getting a lock does not quite seem like a thing to do.

You have not said much about context.

amother

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 4:28 pm

I tell DS that he has to tell me what he wants in a nice voice. No crying or kvetching while talking. If he is not able to stop then he has to sit outside of the room and come back in when he feels he can behave nicely. It works if I do it consistently and patiently. I really insist on it because it can really make me crazy and I don't want to end up yelling at him.

I encourage him to tell me what he is feeling and tell him that it is the crying I don't like, I love him very much and I want him to come back in when he is relaxed. I don't shove him on the stairs and walk away and it is very hard when I am UP TO HERE with frustration. He now is able to do this with his 2 year old brother, and able to comfort him when crying.

He is able to express himself pretty well so this might not work for a different kid. It is also not because of him trying to get attention, rather his personality.

Btw this took a while, months maybe, but it works because he knows it is not acceptable.

Of course I always aim for a good routine and good sleep and food habits.

I did visit with a family therapist to get advice and I took a short parenting course.

rowo

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 6:16 pm

How old is this child? Have you noticed any triggers?
My almost 4 yr old dd can get like this. She's had tantrums that go on and on, there are times when she can recognize that she's not in control, like she's had enough of the crying and screaming etc but she just can't stop and she'll say 'I can't stop crying' so no matter how patient I am waiting for her to 'say it nicely' (whatever it is that she wants..) she just can't. At that point I'll hold her and stroke her to calm her down (what works for her) and then she's ready to talk.
This is just one example. She is a beautiful sweet girl with a cute personality but she can also make us beyond crazy...
Almost a year ago I stopped using wheat and sugar and started to try mak

rowo

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 6:21 pm

Argh I'm on my phone and it posted too soon.
So we started eating even more healthy than before.
Since we cut out wheat and sugar at home we have noticed that her behavior has improved, and when she does have it it's almost scary watching how it effects her.
There are also other things that make a difference like if she's tired or hungry. But the wheat and sugar play a huge part.

This is just our experience... Maybe something to consider

granolamom

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 6:42 pm

something is off with the child. something too subtle for the dr or psych to pick up on. fighting a cold, food sensitivity, having trouble keeping up with a new skill in school, a new social situation, growth spurt (cognitive/emotional/or physical), maybe she needs more attention or power, maybe not getting enough sleep, the list goes on and on.
how long has this been going on? how old is the child?
I think first thing to do is counter-intuitive, be there for her. more than you think you should have to. just to break the cycle a bit and figure out what is going on. I know it looks like giving in, but if done in a preventive way rather than plying her with treats to stop the crying, it doesnt create more tantrums. it creates more trust in the parent. a lock is a bad idea, imo and I dont think it will solve the problem.

Simple1

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 7:18 pm

You said you took her to a doctor, but did you also take her to a dentist? Cavities and tooth decay can make a kid cranky.

Also make sure she's getting enough sleep. Otherwise, I hope someone's suggestion here helps - it's not an easy thing to deal with.

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 7:30 pm

Yup. The dentist.

And sleep.

There has to be only low lighting in the house at their bedtimes; and thick curtains. And no siblings tormenting the kid when she's trying to sleep.

Last edited by Dolly Welsh on Sun, Jan 27 2013, 8:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

lk1234

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 8:03 pm

you need to get specific about WHEN and WHERE she is crying.
You start by saying she "doesn't stop crying"
then you say it's once then twice then three times

Well, which is it?
Tell us imamother investigators WHEN does she cry. Is it a tantrum that comes from nowhere? Is it the result of not getting what she wants? Is it during a tranisition time? Is it because she is sensory?

You're not giving us enough information. It could be anything

Get specific and then we can help
also how old?

the world's best mom

Sun, Jan 27 2013, 11:59 pm

Please do not lock your child in a room because she cries. Crying is an immature way of expressing pain or frustration. It is not misbehaving and should not be a reason to punish a child. Your child is sad, not bad.

It is extremely difficult to parent a child who cries easily. We have to look at what is causing the crying and how to help the child express herself in a more mature way.

If something happened that is causing her to cry, help her talk about it. Give her the words to express herself. Tell her exactly what to say to whoever is causing the situation and then make sure she says what you've told her to. (Even if you are the person she is upset by.) Practice makes perfect.

You need to calmly inform her that crying is not the correct way to deal with frustration, and help her find healthy emotional outlets. Don't give in to the crying, but definitely don't punish for it. Be supportive and loving, but not a push-over.

If you give us more details about your child's age and what triggers the tears, we can be more helpful.

OheivYisrael

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 11:00 am

granolamom wrote:

There are so many possibilities as to what can be wrong- it can be something physical, even if the doctor doesn't see it. Diet can make a huge difference. Here's an example:
http://www.anchoragepress.com/......html
And I've heard of other kids who act out as a result of other foods. I heard that "What's Eating Your Child" is a great book to start that path.

It could be some change or trouble at home or school or lack of sleep or a hundred other things. It sounds like your child is suffering, though, not just trying to make you suffer.

amother

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 9:52 pm

okim the poster here:

she is 8 almost 9.

suddenly out of the blue one daya bout two mos ago she started doing this. she will walk around the hoiuse looking for something to pick on. Her toe, her bike, an old broken rocking chair we threw out. a puzzle she hasn't played with in two mos. whatever it is is irrational. When she first starts whining I will try to talk to her , I will try to walk her through it, she just keeps going on and on, she is irrational not using her siechel at all. Then she get s her self going , she works her self up, so bad on purpose (other ppl who have been in my house have observed this also.). She starts crying and screaming, she could start in the morning and not stop till she goes to bed.

This is why she needs severe time out, yes she is suffering I agree but from what? I can not figure it out. She does not have pandas we took her to the doc.

This is not a normal type of temper tantrum

thanks Amother

Dolly Welsh

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 10:10 pm

The kid should be evaluated by a specialist in neural disorders. She is obviously feeling and reacting to something, and no, it does not sound like a typical thing. Ask your pediatrician for referral to somebody good at children's neurology.

Does that sound reasonable? I am no medic.

You seem to say that she is not always like this every single day all the time. Can you catch her at a normal moment, with no one around, and ask her if anybody is bothering her?

Her age is no baby.

(If you google PANDAS syndrome, you will see it was a possibility here.)

OP, you have a problem and your doctor is not helping. You might need to see another doctor. It in fact might be PANDAS, who knows. This doctor has not said anything useful yet, and it is hard to feel respect. At least going by what you have had time to report, if I understand correctly.

Last edited by Dolly Welsh on Mon, Jan 28 2013, 10:18 pm; edited 2 times in total

alef12

Mon, Jan 28 2013, 10:13 pm

Sorry, missed the end of your last post.
The sudden onset to me seemed to posdibly indicate either something medical (hence my suggestion of PANDAS)

Alternatively, and I know this is a scary thought, is there any possibility at all that she is being abused by someone? Bullied in school?