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My son has gender disorder....
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amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 3:27 pm
We are a boy family with a baby girl. One of my boys loves girly things. Always wants rings likes to do girl things etc., because he has so many brothers at home he seems boyish but a school he isn't. He likes women clothes and asks me to buy him smaller sizes of my clothes... I am leaving it for now but I am scared of the future.
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AlwaysThinking




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 3:31 pm
He probably just admire you and wants to be like you Smile

I wouldn't worry at this stage.

My brother went through a stage at about age 4 or 5 where he wanted to wear my flower girl dress and my mother's sheitel every shabbos afternoon to dress up as a kalla...

And then a year later he liked firemen, trucks and policemen.

Don't make a big deal out of it though... a simple 'that's for girls' if something is really inappropriate e.g. wearing a skirt out the house or something.
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HindaRochel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 3:37 pm
Don't be. Leave the kid alone. Don't let him think that he is doing something wrong. Don't encourage him to play with trucks. Play dolls with him if he wants you to. Don't give him any idea that he is weird or different or strange. Support him.

that's all.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 3:52 pm
How old is he?
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sequoia




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 4:21 pm
Watch Ma Vie en Rose.
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 4:26 pm
I think you might have just diagnosed many of our children with gender disorder, CVS!!! It is totally NORMAL for children to play with all sorts of things for a long long time. It is US, our society which teaches kids gender specific roles. It totally kills me when I hear my MIL tell my 3 year old that he cant play with whichever toy because its "a girl toy". He has a healthy play attitude, he is enjoying everything and the world is his oyster. Let him play and enjoy, no worries. He will have the rest of his life to develop his own interests.
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Sherri




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 4:32 pm
You definitely went with shock factor for the title of this thread. It doesn't seem as if your child has a diagnosed disorder.
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Runner18




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 4:51 pm
OP,

I know you're in panic mode, but the more you act like this means something bigger than it is, the stronger you're gonna push him away from the girl stuff and the more he's gonna want it.
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granolamom




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 5:00 pm
how old is this child? a 4 yo boy who likes girly things is one thing, a 16 yo boy dressing in your clothes is quite another.
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amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 5:03 pm
Op here

I don't know that it is entirely normal. I have three other boys. From the time he could talk he has wanted us to buy him rings etc., when we go to the store he wants the barbie ball. He would love it if I bought him princess dresses which I wont. I actually don't discourage it. If that is who he is, that is who he is. I just need help navigating this path. I don't warn him to be an outcast.

I am also not sure he will out grow it. He is 6 years old and it has been like this since he could talk.
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b from nj




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 5:03 pm
OP one of my DDs was a big tomboy & as a little kid she sometimes would sneak her old brother's tzitzis on & wear it under her clothing.

BH it was just a phase which she outgrew & I'm sure your DS will outgrow it too.

It's best to not self-diagnose your own child. Leave it to the professionals!!


Last edited by b from nj on Wed, Feb 06 2013, 12:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 5:08 pm
Op here

Actually scared to take him to a professional because they usually are Nogeiah bedovor one way or another.
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HindaRochel




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 5:16 pm
Repeat after me: My son (put in his name) is fine just the way he is. I love him. I will get him the toys he wants. I will let him decorate his room in pink and purple if he wants. I will defend his right to do so.
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b from nj




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 5:25 pm
amother wrote:
Op here

Actually scared to take him to a professional because they usually are Nogeiah bedovor one way or another.


OP, I'm not saying he needs to see a professional at this point in his life nor do I understand why you say they are nogeyah b'dovor. A good therapist should be objective so I don't quite get what you mean by that.

In any case, my point is that at this stage in his life he seems to be going through a phase & you should try not to come up with diagnoses for him. If in a few years, this behavior continues, there is plenty of time then to take him to the professionals at that point..

Hatlzacha & have nachas from ALL of your children!
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MimiMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 5:33 pm
If you ask him what gender he is, what does he say?
If he says "a girl", then you should take him to a professional. If he says "a boy", chalk it up to just having a more feminine boy. Some men just like pretty things. It isn't easy though, and I wish you Hatzlacha with any decisions you need to make.
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b from nj




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 5:48 pm
MimiMommy wrote:
If you ask him what gender he is, what does he say?
If he says "a girl", then you should take him to a professional. If he says "a boy", chalk it up to just having a more feminine boy. Some men just like pretty things. It isn't easy though, and I wish you Hatzlacha with any decisions you need to make.


When my DD was going through her phase she used to say she was a boy but we didn't make a big deal about it & BH at this stage in her life she knows darn well that she's a girl & we did not take her for any counseling at the time! Sometimes when you make a big deal about something it becomes a big deal but if you ignore it, it eventually goes away..
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amother


 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 5:51 pm
b from nj wrote:
amother wrote:
Op here

Actually scared to take him to a professional because they usually are Nogeiah bedovor one way or another.


OP, I'm not saying he needs to see a professional at this point in his life nor do I understand why you say they are nogeyah b'dovor. A good therapist should be objective so I don't quite get what you mean by that.

In any case, my point is that at this stage in his life he seems to be going through a phase & you should try not to come up with diagnoses for him. If in a few years, this behavior continues, there is plenty of time then to take him to the professionals at that point..

Hatlzacha & have nachas from ALL of your children!


You are right that they should be impartial but they could have developed opinions one way or another. There are plenty of stories a long these lines. Have you ever read the book 'as Gd made me'. That is just an extreme case. It is also difficult to decide who is impartial and who is not. No one advertises to say 'I am not impartial' Smile
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DefyGravity




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 6:57 pm
MimiMommy wrote:
If you ask him what gender he is, what does he say?
If he says "a girl", then you should take him to a professional. If he says "a boy", chalk it up to just having a more feminine boy. Some men just like pretty things. It isn't easy though, and I wish you Hatzlacha with any decisions you need to make.

He's six years old! A six year old saying that he wants to be a girl shouldn't be taken seriously! Let him play with toys he enjoys, and when he's older, if he seems depressed over his gender and wants to be a girl, THEN seek help, if he wants it.
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MimiMommy




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Feb 05 2013, 7:04 pm
DefyGravity wrote:
MimiMommy wrote:
If you ask him what gender he is, what does he say?
If he says "a girl", then you should take him to a professional. If he says "a boy", chalk it up to just having a more feminine boy. Some men just like pretty things. It isn't easy though, and I wish you Hatzlacha with any decisions you need to make.

He's six years old! A six year old saying that he wants to be a girl shouldn't be taken seriously! Let him play with toys he enjoys, and when he's older, if he seems depressed over his gender and wants to be a girl, THEN seek help, if he wants it.


True, but kids with gender disorder truly think they are the opposite gender trapped in their body. I didn't say that if he thinks he's a girl he has GID, just that it should be looked into. The youngest reported case of GID is in a 6 year old boy who identified as a girl.
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Dolly Welsh




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Feb 06 2013, 1:06 am
You had a baby girl "at last" so being a girl is a high value thing in your house.

Don't venerate or over-princess your daughter in his presence. Out of it, sure.

Have his father spend real, good, quality time with him, just him alone. He needs to feel he is in the boys' club in his house, that he has a solid membership in it, with his father's explicit backing.

Watch out that his brothers are not excluding him from the boys' club.

Do NOT ask him to help you with the baby, fetch something for her care from across the room, carry stuff for you, or in any way ask for little helps and favors that you would not ask from the toughest of your other sons, or anybody's sons, or a rabbi. In fact, be extra careful with this one. Those little sweet help requests are not appropriate with boys, especially this one. All flames about this will be ignored. You must treat him like a superior, in one sense. Not like a servant. Your daughter will help you shlep and prep. Not your sons. Repeat, all flames will be ignored.

Do NOT take him, or any son, with you into a wig salon or manicure salon, or other cooties-laden places. I don't care if that creates babysitting problems for you and you look a mess.

In fact, look a mess a little. This remark is just for this household. Being female, in this house, should just be a fact of normal life, DEFINITELY NOT a ticket to stardom, glossy gorgeousness, and high value royal rank.

Any human being would obviously want whatever is prestigious and high value, the path to royal status.

Particularly if he feels like the low man on totem pole among the males.

He must have his rank raised in your house. He needs to be given special attention by your husband, in that way.

His brothers must not make him a little nothing servant boy who shleps the bags.
If they do that, and you are petting the girl, well, sure, who wouldn't want to go over to the girls' side. It becomes all that's left for him to do.

Re read the Joseph story. He ended up a great Tzaddik.
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