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-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
amother
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Sun, Mar 31 2013, 5:20 am
ds age 12 is adhd + something else (we need to figure out what)
he is totally impossible -- he has been very hard to deal with pesach and before.
he is very needy of mommy and if I give any attention to anyone else he gets upset.
dh won't accept him as he is which I am trying to work on. He claims we are the only one who has a child like this - I'm trying to tell him he's not. He just happens to see his friends with their 12 year olds behaving nicely in shul while his doesn't even go to shul.
I think I need some outside support? he isn't usually on the internet at all
what do you suggest?
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amother
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Sun, Mar 31 2013, 10:23 am
Hi there amother!
You are not alone. My 12 yo ds does not have adhd but he does have a social anxiety. He needs lots and lots of attention from me and is kinda clingy. He does not go to shul unless for kabbalas shabbos so my dh sits with him in the women's section (no women go in my shul fri night). He is well liked by his peers but does not get together with anyone but two of our close friends' boys on shabbos. He never went to birthday parties and won't sign up for karate or anything like that. He doesn't go to summer camp (not even day camp) either.
When he is very anxious, or when he is in a situation where he has to control/deal with his anxiety, he is prone to outbursts which look like uncontrollable tantrums or anger.
I don't know if this is like your ds but maybe read up on anxiety and see if it sounds like something he is dealing with. Once you have a good guess as to what his problem is, you can start looking for ways to manage it (I dont think you can fix every problem, unfortunately).
Hatzlocha
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shlomitsmum
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Sun, Mar 31 2013, 2:49 pm
Hi ,
Your DS sounds like my DH who is on the spectrum . What works to make these guys confortable is gradual fun parallel play type of group activities outside shul.
Shul by nature is stressfull and overtimulating ....and Aliyot at the bima were all eyes go on the reader is torture (dh has gone blank ,can barely breathe etc ..its hard ) , the shmoozing at kidush is also hard as chit chat does not flow naturally .
IME Paintball, some sports (golf) and vulunteering allows for ataining social competence at his own pace without the crazy pressure to perform.
Good luck!
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amother
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Sun, Mar 31 2013, 2:54 pm
amother wrote: | Hi there amother!
You are not alone. My 12 yo ds does not have adhd but he does have a social anxiety. He needs lots and lots of attention from me and is kinda clingy. He does not go to shul unless for kabbalas shabbos so my dh sits with him in the women's section (no women go in my shul fri night). He is well liked by his peers but does not get together with anyone but two of our close friends' boys on shabbos. He never went to birthday parties and won't sign up for karate or anything like that. He doesn't go to summer camp (not even day camp) either.
When he is very anxious, or when he is in a situation where he has to control/deal with his anxiety, he is prone to outbursts which look like uncontrollable tantrums or anger.
I don't know if this is like your ds but maybe read up on anxiety and see if it sounds like something he is dealing with. Once you have a good guess as to what his problem is, you can start looking for ways to manage it (I dont think you can fix every problem, unfortunately).
Hatzlocha |
Have you ever tried exposure therapy with him? or any other therapy/meds for that matter? was it not helpful?
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amother
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Sun, Mar 31 2013, 5:03 pm
amother wrote: | amother wrote: | Hi there amother!
You are not alone. My 12 yo ds does not have adhd but he does have a social anxiety. He needs lots and lots of attention from me and is kinda clingy. He does not go to shul unless for kabbalas shabbos so my dh sits with him in the women's section (no women go in my shul fri night). He is well liked by his peers but does not get together with anyone but two of our close friends' boys on shabbos. He never went to birthday parties and won't sign up for karate or anything like that. He doesn't go to summer camp (not even day camp) either.
When he is very anxious, or when he is in a situation where he has to control/deal with his anxiety, he is prone to outbursts which look like uncontrollable tantrums or anger.
I don't know if this is like your ds but maybe read up on anxiety and see if it sounds like something he is dealing with. Once you have a good guess as to what his problem is, you can start looking for ways to manage it (I dont think you can fix every problem, unfortunately).
Hatzlocha |
Have you ever tried exposure therapy with him? or any other therapy/meds for that matter? was it not helpful? |
We are working on it. It is fairly recent that we figured out what the problem was (we thought it was behavioral/temperamental for a long time). But we are on track now, just things move slowly.
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